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    Harry Potter And The Deathly Embarrassments

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Top

    (I am the assistant manager at a movie theater. There is a showing of the latest Harry Potter movie that is completely sold out. A pair of teenage girls approaches me to ask for some help. A woman is refusing to let them sit down in the theater, and the movie is starting in about 5 minutes. I go with them and find that their seats are the last two in the theater. The woman in question has three kids, all who look to be younger than 12.)

    Me: “Excuse me, miss, but could you let these two girls sit down? The movie will be starting soon and–”

    Woman: “No. My kids can’t sit by strangers. They might get kidnapped or raped.”

    Me: “I understand that you care about your children very much, but these two girls need to sit here.”

    Woman: *raising voice* “I just told you, my kids can’t sit by strangers! What don’t you get about that?”

    Me: “Ma’am–”

    Woman: “I mean, look at them! That one’s wearing a rapist symbol on her shirt!”

    (She points to one of the girls, who is wearing a shirt with her astrological sign on it.)

    Me: “Ma’am, if you’re going to make a scene, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

    (The woman continues to raise her voice at me and insist that these girls cannot sit down here. The movie is already going to be delayed at this point, and the two girls are looking visibly upset. I go ahead and call for security. At this point, the woman realizes that she’s been beaten, so she makes one last stand.)

    Woman: *standing up, at the top of her lungs* “Help! These girls are touching my kids!”

    (Security comes and holds her in their office for the rest of the movie. Her kids got to stay for the movie. Afterwards, I run into her again.)

    Woman: “I’m going to call the police on you! You let those girls touch my kids!”

    Child: *in tears* “Mom, you’re so embarrassing!”

    H 2 Oh No You Didn’t

    | Arroyo Grande, CA, USA | Movies & TV

    (Two older customers walk up to the concession line and order popcorn.)

    Me: “Hi, can I get any drinks started for you today?”

    Customer: “A water please.”

    Me: “Would you like a complimentary cup or a bottle?”

    Customer: “Can you not f***ing listen? I want a water!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, we have both a free cup of water and a water bottle for purchase. Which would you like?”

    Customer: “Of course I want a f***ing water bottle!”

    Me: “Okay. Would you like a large or small bottle?”

    (The customer looks to his friend like I’m an idiot and goes on about how I cannot listen.)

    Customer: “Can you not hear? I want a f***ing bottle, not a cup!”

    Me: “I understand this, sir, but we have both a large and a small water bottle. What size of water bottle would you like?”

    (The customer looks to his friend and throws up his hands. His friend explains to him that there are two sizes.)

    Customer: “Just get me the large!”

    (I hand him his large water.)

    Customer: “Oh, and one more thing…learn to listen!”

    Not Your Dad’s Cowboy Movie

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Movies & TV

    (I’m working in the box office and it’s the opening night of “Brokeback Mountain”. An elderly gentleman and his ten year old grandson walk up to my window.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I get you?”

    Customer: “One child and one senior for Brokeback Mountain.”

    Me: “Sir, just so you know, there’s some scenes that may not be appropriate for children.”

    (He pauses and stares blankly.)

    Customer: “Oh, it’s nothing that he won’t see in real life!”

    (After he leaves, I inform the manager on duty of the situation. About 30 minutes into the movie, we watch as the grandfather and child literally run out of the theater and out of the building.)

    Your Brain’s The Smaller One

    | Attleboro, MA, USA | Movies & TV

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a medium popcorn, please.”

    Me: “Did you want to make that medium popcorn a large for seventy five cents more?” *I hold up both the medium and large bags*

    Customer: “Which one is the large one?”

    Me: “I’m…sorry?”

    Customer: “Is it the smaller bag?”

    Thorry Potter & The Norsely Hallows

    | Charlottesville, VA, USA | Movies & TV

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for this movie and I was wondering if you are playing it.”

    Me: “Sure! Whats the name of the movie you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “It’s that one about Thor. I don’t remember what it’s called.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean Thor?”

    Customer: “No, I really don’t think that was it…”

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