I get really anxious about seeing my dentist — doubly so when it’s a new dentist in a new city after a move.

I go to the appointment about forty-five minutes early and sit in the lobby. “Avatar” is playing on the TV. It’s already about half done, but it’s visually and audibly stunning on the TV and sound system installed in the office. There’s just me and another dude sitting on the waiting couch in the lobby. I sit on the waiting couch next to the dude, and we watch the last half of the movie together. No one interrupts.

By the time it’s over, I’m about forty-five minutes late for my appointment. I zoned out watching the movie.

The guy looks at the clock and then looks at me.

Guy: “Oh, s***, I was supposed to be working on your teeth! I lost track of time… Um, you are [My Name], right?”

I affirmed that it was me. We rescheduled my appointment successfully, and I got a post-insurance discount for my trouble.

I’m twenty years old. My office is very laid back, and even more so during the holidays. A famously dim coworker can’t remember the name of a famous Christmas story and is calling out across the office.

Coworker #1: “What’s the name of the one with… Bob Marley?”

Silence. Confusion? Probably muffled snickers.

I figure it out and kneel up on my desk to look her in the eye over the cubicle wall.

Me: “JACOB. Jacob Marley. A Christmas Carol.”

A few minutes later, another coworker speaks up.

Coworker #2: “Tonight you will be visited by three Buffalo soldiers…”

My boyfriend and I are cuddling on the couch watching TV. The show is talking about the different fish that can be found in Tokyo Bay when I give into my ADHD impulses and bite my boyfriend’s arm. 

TV: “…and the female fish will devour the male if he annoys her!”

Boyfriend: “…[My Name]?!”

I had to stop biting him because I was laughing too hard.

My adult son and I are watching “Home Alone”, a Christmas tradition.

Spoiler alert! They get to the scene after the bandits have been taken away, and Kevin is putting out cookies for Santa.

Son: “That’s actually a crime scene.”

Me: “I was just noticing he had all the lights on.”

Yes, we’re officially grown-ups.

My grandma is the type of person that if you tell her something she doesn’t like or doesn’t want to hear, she just ignores you and keeps reiterating that she’s right. 

It’s Christmas time, and I am feeling really lazy this year. Since I’m going to be having surgery at the beginning of December, I choose not to put up a tree knowing I probably won’t be able to take it down later with my weight lifting restrictions. I decide to instead just put up a Festivus pole. I don’t really celebrate Christmas to begin with, so it works for me. 

Later, my family is holding their pre-Christmas party, and I’m not attending as I’m still recovering, but my grandma and my uncle come up to visit.

Grandma: “I see you didn’t finish putting up your tree. Do you want me to come over and do it?”

Me: “No, I’m not putting up a tree this year. It’s a Festivus pole.”

Grandma: “What do you mean, you’re not putting up a tree? You already have the base up. Don’t worry; I’ll be over to help.”

Me: “No. I’m not putting up a tree. That’s not a base; that’s the finished product.”

Grandma: “But what will you put up instead of that, then?”

Uncle: “Mom, you’re not understanding. This is from Seinfeld. That’s what it’s meant to look like. It’s complete, so stop trying to needle yourself in.”

Later on, my grandma is complaining to my mom about my unfinished tree. 

Mom: “She’s not doing Christmas this year. She’s just doing Festivus, so there is no tree.”

Grandma: “But she has a sign up above the unfinished tree saying ‘Merry Christmas’!”

Mom: “I know what sign you’re talking about because she sent us a picture. It clearly says ‘Happy Festivus’.”

Grandma: “No, I know what I saw. I just don’t understand why she won’t let me help her decorate her tree!”

Thankfully, I recovered quickly from my surgery, so I didn’t have to worry about her stopping over all the time to “check up on me”, which was just her trying to finish decorating my tree.