October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Team Cougar, Part 2

| Memphis, TN, USA | Movies & TV

(I work ticketing at a movie theater. A middle-aged woman and her daughter approach me.)

Customer: “We’d like two tickets to…what are we going to see?”

Daughter: “It’s Breaking Dawn.”

Customer: “I’ve been calling it Sexy Vampires all day.”

Team Cougar

We Call This A Flirting Faux Pas

, | Shelton, CT, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a new employee at a convenience store. I’m French and my accent is quite noticeable. A regular walks in.)

Me: “Hi, may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, a newbie. I like your accent. French?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “I had a French girl once. I should have never let her go.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir.”

Customer: “I know one phrase. Je t’aime. Say it.”

Me: “Okay…Je t’aime.

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means, ‘I love you.'”

Regular: *triumphantly* “I made you say that you love me!”

Me: *speechless*

What Difference Does It Make

| California, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “What movies do you NOT have?”

Me: “Sorry, what did you say?”

Customer: “I said, what movies don’t you have?”

Me: “Well we have a sign up that advertises the moves that we DO have. If it isn’t on that sign, then we don’t have the movie.”

Customer: “You really ought to put up a sign that lists the movies that you don’t have.”

Wait ‘Til You Hear ‘Bout Our Latest Pro-mo

| Orange County, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(Two obviously gay men are ordering concessions. I successfully upsell their purchase to a large popcorn.)

Customer: *jokingly* “Wow you’re quite a salesman!”

Coworker: “Yeah, he can sell stink to a hobo!”

Customer: *laughs*

Customer’s partner: *completely mortified*

Customer, to his partner: “No, no, he said HOBO!”

Never Coming Backflow To This Place

| Minden, NV, USA | Movies & TV, Top

(I am cleaning the lobby in the theater when a female customer comes out of the restroom. She goes to use the drinking fountain. As with most businesses, the restrooms are located right next to the fountain.)

Customer: *aghast* “This is disgusting!”

Me: “Is there something wrong with the tap, ma’am? We do clean it often but I haven’t made it over there yet this round.”

Customer: “No, it is lovely. You do a fine job. It was just horrible!”

Me: “If there is nothing wrong, why was it horrible?”

Customer: “Because when I was drinking the water, I heard a toilet flush in the restroom and it made the water pressure go down!”

Me: “Well, yes. The plumbing is connected as they both draw from the–”

Customer: “That water that I was drinking? A minute later, if I hadn’t come along, it would have been used to flush someone’s waste? That is so disgusting! I can’t believe it!”

Me: “Well, would you rather the water pressure went up when you heard the flush?”

(The customer takes a step back and looks confused. Suddenly, the implication of my statement reaches her nearly hysterical mind and she flees the building with a look of horror on her face.)

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