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    Team Cougar, Part 2

    | Memphis, TN, USA | Movies & TV

    (I work ticketing at a movie theater. A middle-aged woman and her daughter approach me.)

    Customer: “We’d like two tickets to…what are we going to see?”

    Daughter: “It’s Breaking Dawn.”

    Customer: “I’ve been calling it Sexy Vampires all day.”

    Related:
    Team Cougar

    We Call This A Flirting Faux Pas

    , | Shelton, CT, USA |

    (I’m a new employee at a convenience store. I’m French and my accent is quite noticeable. A regular walks in.)

    Me: “Hi, may I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh, a newbie. I like your accent. French?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “I had a French girl once. I should have never let her go.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “I know one phrase. Je t’aime. Say it.”

    Me: “Okay…Je t’aime.

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “It means, ‘I love you.’”

    Regular: *triumphantly* “I made you say that you love me!”

    Me: *speechless*

    What Difference Does It Make

    | California, USA |

    Customer: “What movies do you NOT have?”

    Me: “Sorry, what did you say?”

    Customer: “I said, what movies don’t you have?”

    Me: “Well we have a sign up that advertises the moves that we DO have. If it isn’t on that sign, then we don’t have the movie.”

    Customer: “You really ought to put up a sign that lists the movies that you don’t have.”

    Wait ‘Til You Hear ‘Bout Our Latest Pro-mo

    | Orange County, CA, USA |

    (Two obviously gay men are ordering concessions. I successfully upsell their purchase to a large popcorn.)

    Customer: *jokingly* “Wow you’re quite a salesman!”

    Coworker: “Yeah, he can sell stink to a hobo!”

    Customer: *laughs*

    Customer’s partner: *completely mortified*

    Customer, to his partner: “No, no, he said HOBO!”

    Never Coming Backflow To This Place

    | Minden, NV, USA | Movies & TV, Top

    (I am cleaning the lobby in the theater when a female customer comes out of the restroom. She goes to use the drinking fountain. As with most businesses, the restrooms are located right next to the fountain.)

    Customer: *aghast* “This is disgusting!”

    Me: “Is there something wrong with the tap, ma’am? We do clean it often but I haven’t made it over there yet this round.”

    Customer: “No, it is lovely. You do a fine job. It was just horrible!”

    Me: “If there is nothing wrong, why was it horrible?”

    Customer: “Because when I was drinking the water, I heard a toilet flush in the restroom and it made the water pressure go down!”

    Me: “Well, yes. The plumbing is connected as they both draw from the–”

    Customer: “That water that I was drinking? A minute later, if I hadn’t come along, it would have been used to flush someone’s waste? That is so disgusting! I can’t believe it!”

    Me: “Well, would you rather the water pressure went up when you heard the flush?”

    (The customer takes a step back and looks confused. Suddenly, the implication of my statement reaches her nearly hysterical mind and she flees the building with a look of horror on her face.)


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