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    Fresh Popcorn, Stale Mind

    | Iowa, USA | Food & Drink

    (We clean the popcorn machines at the movie theater I work at every night. We leave any extra popcorn in the first machine we cleaned, and pop fresh popcorn the next morning. A customer walks up to register as I’m emptying the kettle.)

    Customer: “Can I get a small popcorn?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I turn to the machine with fresh popcorn to get her order when she stops me.)

    Customer: “I don’t want the stale popcorn. I want the fresh stuff from today.”

    Me: “Ma’am this popcorn was just popped; you watched me empty the
    kettle.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I know you’re just lazy and don’t want to walk the five extra feet to get me fresh popcorn.”

    (I walk over to the machine with the old stale popcorn, fill her bag, and ring her up.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can get for you today, ma’am?”

    Customer: *takes a bite of her day-old popcorn* “See, now, this is fresh popcorn! You’re lucky I’m not going to talk to your manager for lying to me and trying not to do your job.”

    The World Would Run Out Of Helium

    | Des Moines, IA, USA |

    (A customer has just finished purchasing tickets to Alvin and the Chipmunks 3.)

    Customer: “Is this a movie or a live performance?”

    Now Playing: The War On Germs

    | Des Moines, IA, USA |

    (I’m tearing tickets when a woman walks up to me with four children. She is holding two large popcorns and a large drink.)

    Me: “Tickets, please.”

    Customer: “They’re buried in my pocket. Would you hold one of my popcorns while I dig them out?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (She hands me one of her popcorns, which I hold in both hands in front of me. She begins digging in her pocket.)

    Customer: “Hold it away from you.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I don’t want you to hold it so close to your body.”

    (I look down at the popcorn, which I’m already holding at least six inches away from my body, looking confused.)

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    (She immediately grabs the popcorn out of my hands then continues rummaging through her pocket looking for her tickets. She sets the popcorn I was holding precariously on the edge of a nearby trash can, trying to hold it up while looking it in her pocket. Suddenly she loses her grip and the popcorn spills on the floor.)

    Customer: *forlorn, looking at the spilled popcorn* “I’ll take that as a loss.”

    Related:
    Now Selling The War On Germs, Aisle 5

    More Than You Bargained For, Part 4

    | Georgia, USA |

    Customer: “I’ll have one student ticket for [movie].”

    Me: “It’s matinee right now. We don’t have student prices until after 6.”

    Customer: “But I want my student discount!”

    Me: “A student ticket is actually more expensive. Since it’s matinee right now, it’s only $5.”

    Customer: “Do you just not want to give it to me because I’m [ethnicity]?”

    Me: “No. It’s because the student tickets are more expensive.”

    Customer: “GIVE ME MY DISCOUNT!!!”

    Me: “Alright, that will be $7…”

    Related:
    More Than You Bargained For, Part 3
    More Than You Bargained For, Part 2
    More Than You Bargained For

    My Day’s About To Get Hairy

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Movies & TV, Pets & Animals

    (I’m working the box office on a particularly slow night. Part of my duty is to answer the phone and deal with customer inquiries. We are a theater that shows rather alternative movies.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [theater].”

    Customer: “Oh, what a lovely young voice. Tell me, what is [movie] about?”

    Me: “It’s about a victim of pedophilia and how she exacts revenge on her abuser. The next showing is at–”

    Customer: “That’s nice. You have such a beautiful voice.”

    Me: “Um, thanks.”

    Customer: “Tell me. Do you like cats? I love cats. I have several. I just moved here and I can’t find any good vets.”

    Me: “Yes. I like them.”

    Customer: “We sound perfect for each other. I’ll see you tonight when I buy tickets from you…in person. You’ll recognize my voice. I’ll also be covered in cat fur. Good night!” *hangs up*


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