Me: “Welcome to [theater name].”

Customer: “Two tickets to Chippendales.”

Me: *brief moment of silence* “Um…what?”

Customer: “I said I would like two tickets for Alvin and the Chippendales!”

Me: “Do you mean Alvin and the Chipmunks?”

Customer: “Whatever, just give me two tickets to that movie!”

(I work in a box office at a movie theater.)

Customer: “Is there a non-3D showing of Green Hornet at 6:45?”

Me: “No, it’s at 8:00.”

Customer: “When’s the next non-3D one?”

Me: “8:00.”

Customer: “There’s not one at 6:45?”

Me: “No, it’s at 8:00.”

Customer: “Oh…I looked up the 3D show instead of the regular one. So, wait, when’s the next non-3D showing of Green Hornet?”

Me: “8:00…”

(I am working the concessions stand when a young woman and her small daughter approach my register.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [theater]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’ll take a medium popcorn and drink, please.”

(The customer pays and I hand her the popcorn and drink.)

Customer: “Hey, do you have a trash can back there?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

(I hold out my hand for the trash, expecting it to be something innocuous.)

Daughter: *spits her gum out in my hand, drool and all*

(I’m walking towards a children’s movie to clean it out after the show. A woman and her son walk out and wave me over.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am? How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m sorry, but my son had an accident in your theater.”

Me: “What kind of accident?”

Customer: “He peed in the seat. He was so busy watching the movie that he forgot to go.”

Me: “I understand. If you could just tell me which seats you were sitting in, I’ll go clean them out.”

Customer: “The ones with the pee in the seat, I think…”

(A customer walking out of the theater for “Captain America” with her two kids starts talking to me. She’s about 45 years old.)

Customer: “My goodness, the Nazis were awful people!”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “I’m just glad that terrible Red Skull got what was coming to him.”

Me: “Yeah, it was a pretty sweet ending.”

Customer: “It’s funny. I don’t remember learning about him or Captain America in the history books.”

Me: *thinking she’s joking* “Ha ha, yeah. Weird, right?”

Customer’s son, to me: “No, dude. She’s not kidding.”

Customer: “Kidding about what?”

(Embarrassed, her two kids try to walk briskly away from her.)

Customer: *chasing after her kids* “Whaaat?! What is it?!”