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    3D Or Not, Time Is Still Linear

    | California, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work in a box office at a movie theater.)

    Customer: “Is there a non-3D showing of Green Hornet at 6:45?”

    Me: “No, it’s at 8:00.”

    Customer: “When’s the next non-3D one?”

    Me: “8:00.”

    Customer: “There’s not one at 6:45?”

    Me: “No, it’s at 8:00.”

    Customer: “Oh…I looked up the 3D show instead of the regular one. So, wait, when’s the next non-3D showing of Green Hornet?”

    Me: “8:00…”

    Treating Workers Like Garbage

    | Knoxville, TN, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am working the concessions stand when a young woman and her small daughter approach my register.)

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [theater]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll take a medium popcorn and drink, please.”

    (The customer pays and I hand her the popcorn and drink.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you have a trash can back there?”

    Me: “Absolutely!”

    (I hold out my hand for the trash, expecting it to be something innocuous.)

    Daughter: *spits her gum out in my hand, drool and all*

    Please Don’t Get P’ed Off

    | North Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m walking towards a children’s movie to clean it out after the show. A woman and her son walk out and wave me over.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am? How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, but my son had an accident in your theater.”

    Me: “What kind of accident?”

    Customer: “He peed in the seat. He was so busy watching the movie that he forgot to go.”

    Me: “I understand. If you could just tell me which seats you were sitting in, I’ll go clean them out.”

    Customer: “The ones with the pee in the seat, I think…”

    S.H.I.E.L.D. Me From This Stupidity

    | San Diego, CA | History

    (A customer walking out of the theater for “Captain America” with her two kids starts talking to me. She’s about 45 years old.)

    Customer: “My goodness, the Nazis were awful people!”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “I’m just glad that terrible Red Skull got what was coming to him.”

    Me: “Yeah, it was a pretty sweet ending.”

    Customer: “It’s funny. I don’t remember learning about him or Captain America in the history books.”

    Me: *thinking she’s joking* “Ha ha, yeah. Weird, right?”

    Customer’s son, to me: “No, dude. She’s not kidding.”

    Customer: “Kidding about what?”

    (Embarrassed, her two kids try to walk briskly away from her.)

    Customer: *chasing after her kids* “Whaaat?! What is it?!”

    It’s A Ruff Life In The Slums

    | Mequon, WI, USA |

    Customer: “Hey, what’s going on?!”

    Me: “Excuse me, is something wrong?”

    Customer: “Yeah, we went to go see Slumdog Millionaire with my kid and the first scene has all this violence! We thought it was about a dog!”

    Me: “I can assure you, it’s not about that. It’s also R-rated. Did you see the ratings on our board?”

    Customer: “No one reads those! I want a refund!”

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