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    Those Heathens And Their Time-Telling Ways

    | London, UK |

    Customer: “What time does the film start?”

    Me: “The film starts fifteen minutes after the time on your ticket. There are fifteen minutes of ads and trailers.”

    Customer: “No, I said what time does the F-I-L-M start?!”

    Me: “The film starts after fifteen minutes of trailers, so fifteen minutes after whatever it says on the ticket. Your ticket says 3:30 pm, so the film would start at 3:45, okay?”

    Customer: “Don’t blind me with science!”

    More Slippage

    | Greenwood, IN, USA |

    (I was working another very long day right after March of the Penguins had come out , stuck in the box office, when a sweet looking little old lady and her sweet little old lady friend walked up to the window.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

    Old lady: “Hello sweetie. I’d like one senior for March of the Penises.”

    Little old lady friend: “Oh my God…” *shocked, puts hand up to mouth, whispers to friend*

    Me: “I think you might have the wrong theater…”

    Related:
    Of All The Moments For Freud To Slip

    Family Values

    | Laredo, TX, USA |

    (A customer hands me the tickets to the horror/torture movie, Hostel 2.)

    Employee: “I’m sorry sir, but this movie is R-rated and I’m afraid I can’t let your child in.”

    Customer, agitated: “Can’t you just let us in?”

    Employee: “I’m sorry sir, but I’d lose my job if I did that. I CAN help you find another movie.”

    (The customer then throws his $6 tub of popcorn in my face and all over the podium and walks off with his family. There’s good family values…)

    Of All The Moments For Freud To Slip

    | Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I was working the candy bar when a I was approached by a man seeing Bridge to Terabithia with two young kids. He points to the popcorn machine:)

    Customer: “I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please.”

    (There was a two second pause as the customer’s eyes went wide with horror…and then I started to laugh. He got the popcorn and ran upstairs, with me standing behind the counter with tears running down my face.)

    Jeff Foxworthy Would Be Proud

    | Madisonville, KY, USA |

    Customer: “Two tickets for Madagascar.”

    (After the previews, he returns)

    Customer: “I want my money back!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “You have the wrong movie playing in there, its a cartoon. Where’s the cars?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, Cars?”

    Customer: “Nascar! I wanted to see Mad about Nascar!!”

    Me: “…let me get the manager.”


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