October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Just Shut Up And Watch Your Movie

| Northbrook, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks up to the movie theater concession stand.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a cinnamon pretzel, please.”

Me: “We don’t have any of those prepared right now, so it will be about five minutes. Is that ok?”

Customer, pointing to the display case of pretzels: “Why can’t I have one of those?”

Me: “Oh, those are just for display. They’re covered in chemicals and have been there for ages.”

Customer: “So they’re not real pretzels?”

Me: “No, they’re real pretzels, just not really edible.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t have them out if people can’t get them.”

Me: “We put the display case out so people can see what they’re like.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand why you have fake pretzels out instead of real ones.”

Me: “Look, even if you could eat those pretzels, look at the case; there’s no way to open it!”

Customer: “Fine. It still seems stupid to have fake pretzels.”

The Adventures Of Captain Obvious

, , , , | Everywhere | Uncategorized

Me: “Would you like the 4-piece meal or the 6-piece meal?”
Customer: “What’s the difference?”


Me: “Would you like the quarter pound classic burger or the half pound classic burger?”
Customer: “Which one is bigger?”


Customer: “How big is the 6 inch?”


Customer: “How many come in a four-pack?”


Customer: “Is your Sunday special on Sundays only?”


Customer: “Does your turkey chic pea chili soup have beef in it?”


Customer: “What flavor is your vanilla ice cream?”


Customer: “What’s the difference between the lemon and the vanilla?”


Customer: “Hi, do you sell books here?”
Me: “This is a bookstore, ma’am.”


Me: “Thank you for calling Pittsford Plaza Cinema, how may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, hello. Are you located in the Pittsford Plaza?”


Me: “Thank you for calling Saltgrass Steakhouse in Meyerland Plaza where our gift cards make great holiday stocking stuffers. How may I assist you?”
Customer: “Hi, is this Saltgrass?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “In Meyerland right?”
Me: “Yes…”
Customer: “Do you have giftcards?”‘

One Bad Joke Deserves Another

| Movie Theater | Uncategorized

(I was once a ticket taker at a movie theater. The passageway to the restrooms looked exactly like the passageways to the auditoriums, and it had a small marquee above it, just like an auditorium. Naturally, the marquee displayed the word “Restrooms.”)

2,137th patron who thinks he is making an original joke, pointing at the “Restrooms” marqee: “Is that film any good?”

Me, getting tired of the lame joke: “I thought it was OK, but the reviews have been in the toilet.”

Socrates Meets The Elevator

| Edmonton, Alberta, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Is there an elevator to the theatre?”

Me: “Yes, directly across from me.”

(The customer walks to the front of elevator and starts yelling…)

Customer: “How does this thing work?!”

Me: “Press the button and when the doors open, get in and press floor number 2.”

Customer: “No, how does this thing work?”

Me: “Do you mean the physics behind elevators? This brand of elevator…or something more specific?”

Customer: “No, how does it work with me?”

(My phone is ringing and I must go answer it in a different room. I wander off. Ten minutes later, customer is still arguing with elevator. I leave for lunch…a very long lunch.)

Entropy Strikes Again

| Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

(A woman came up to the concession counter with a tub of popcorn.)

Me: “Yes, can I help you?”


Me: “It is? That’s weird, it shouldn’t be. I just made several batches, so I can get you another one.”

(The popcorn was ice cold, which was odd considering it usually stayed warm for a few hours.)

Me: “Just wondering, when did you buy this popcorn?”

Woman: “Yesterday.”

Me: “…”

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