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    Personally, I Go There To Do My Taxes

    | Coventry, UK |

    (A group of annoying teenagers had been removed from one of the screens in the cinema for being loud and causing a huge disturbance.)

    Teenager: “I want a refund. I want to talk to a manager. This is unfair!”

    Usher: “Well, you can talk to a manager, but they’ll tell you the same thing I’ve told you.” *calls manager over*

    Manager: “What’s the problem here?”

    Teenager: “We’ve been kicked out of the cinema because apparently someone said we were being noisy and disturbing the film.”

    Manager: “Yes?”

    Teenager: “Yeah, well, we think it’s unfair and we want a refund.”

    Manager: “And why should we give you a refund?”

    Teenager: “Well you know how it is… you come to the cinema to have a laugh and a chat with your mates–”

    Manager: “No you don’t. You come to the cinema to watch a film. Get out.”

    Introducing The DK Spring Collection

    | Burlington, NC, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like two tickets for the Green Knight, please.”

    Me: “You mean the Dark Knight, ma’am?”

    Customer: “No, I mean the Green Knight! The Batman movie!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the only Batman movie currently showing is the Dark Knight.”

    Customer: “I’ve never heard of that! I don’t want to see it! Give me two for the Green Knight!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no such movie.”

    Customer: “Fine. We’ll go see this Dark Knight thing, then. But I just want you to know I am not pleased!”

    Speak For Yourselves, Part 2

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    Elderly Lady #1: “Now, what are the prices like for this show?”

    Coworker: “Well, they’re-”

    Elderly Lady #2: “Don’t tell us it’s expensive! I don’t want to spend too much money!”

    Coworker: *holds out price sheet* “Here are the–”

    Elderly Lady #1: “Oh, would you look at that. Look at those prices. Now where are these seats?”

    Coworker: “Those are right-”

    Elderly Lady #2: “No, we don’t want to sit there. It’s too far in the back.”

    Coworker: “Actually, ma’am, they’re–”

    Elderly Lady #1: “Those seats are okay… they’re in the middle.”

    Elderly Lady #2: “Do they have anything closer on an aisle?”

    Coworker: “Unfortunately– ”

    Elderly Lady #1: “What do you need to be closer for? Those seats are fine. George and Harry will like them.”

    Elderly Lady #2: “Yes, but I’d rather be able to sit as far from Martha as possible.”

    Elderly Lady #1: “Ah, yes… we don’t like Martha. She talks so much you can never get a word in!”

    Related:
    Speak For Yourself

    They Grow Up So Fast

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like two tickets for [movie], please.”

    Coworker: “That movie is rated R. Can I see your ID?”

    Customer: *shows an ID that states she is 18*

    Coworker: “You need to be 21 in order to purchase an R-rated ticket for someone else.”

    Customer: “But it’s for my son!”

    Coworker: “How old is your son?”

    Customer: “16…”

    Coworker: “So you’re 18… and you have a 16 year old son?”

    Customer: “That’s right!”

    Coworker: “Let me get my manager…”

    Manager: “Ma’am, you need to be 21 to purchase a ticket for a minor.”

    Customer: “But he’s my son!”

    Manager: “You’re telling me you gave birth when you were two years old?”

    Customer: “YES! It happens, I promise you!”

    Her Wiser Self Is Weeping Right Now

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Me: “Ma’am, may I see your ID for your credit card?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: *points to the back* “Because it says to ‘See ID’.”

    Customer: “Oh, right. I wrote that there so you can take it.”

    Me: “I still need to see your ID.”

    Customer: “Why? I wrote that so you know it’s me.”

    Me: “Imagine if someone stole your card, told me they wrote ‘See ID’ and I accepted it?”

    Customer: “But that didn’t happen, it’s really my card. Just take it!”

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