My youngest son comes up with some very entertaining one-liners. While watching “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2” for the umpteenth time, we get to the part where it is revealed that one of the Weasley twins has died, but my husband and I can never remember which twin it is. My son offers up this gem.

Son: “It’s Fred, the one who still has his ear…” *slight pause* “…not that he’s going to need it anymore.”

I ended up laughing hysterically at a normally sad moment in this movie.

Our youngest salesman is very tech-savvy. Sadly, he uses his knowledge and connections to unscramble pay-per-view channels, et cetera. He even had “cracked” software on his company laptop at one point, which drove the IT manager nuts.

One day, he comes to the office waxing lyrical about a film that’s just now hitting the theatres. He goes on and on about this magnific, elaborate masterpiece and how it’s a litmus test for the whole movie industry in these difficult times.

Salesman: “…and so everyone is waiting to see if [Film] makes it or breaks it because, if it bombs, producers are never going to risk another big-budget sci-fi movie again.”

Me: “So, it’s big, smart, and beautiful, and even if it wasn’t, we have to go to see it in the theatres to support the Hollywood industry, right?”

Salesman: “Absolutely so.”

Me: “And you downloaded it from a pirate site?”

Salesman: “I, uh, need to go take a leak.”

And he grinned at me in a “You got me” way as he got up. What a miserable scrooge.

I’m an in-house designer for a large, international corporation. Although the company is well-established, the design team is new and ‘design’ is handled by whichever secretary has some free time and a knack for PowerPoint. A common job request is to design printed invites for client hospitality events. On this occasion, we are treating some clients to a performance of the stage musical ‘Mamma Mia!’ I get this request from a secretary…

Secretary: “So we’re taking fifteen clients for dinner, and then to see Mamma Mia. Can we get a nice invite to send them? Just stick the poster on the front, and I’ll email you the text for the back.”

Me: *Confused.* “I haven’t designed a poster for this event…”

Secretary: “No, silly, the poster for Mamma Mia! You can get it off Google, no problem.”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t use the show poster as that would be copyright infringement. It would be very obvious we’d used it without permission and would make us look very unprofessional. Besides, it doesn’t fit our corporate branding.”

Secretary: “Oh. Can we not get permission to use it? I mean, it would be like free advertising for them.”

Me: “In the highly unlikely event that I manage to trace and contact the copyright owner, I very much doubt the global theatre phenomenon Mamma Mia is going to care about free advertising for a handful of businessmen who already have tickets.”

Secretary: “Oh, okay. Can we Google a picture of ABBA instead?”

Me: “No, we can’t use any images off Google! They’re all under copyright. I mean, unless we licensed something at hundreds of pounds for one small invite. But anyway, that wouldn’t match our corporate branding!”

Secretary: “Oh! What if we use a picture of just two of ABBA? Would that be cheaper than all four?”

Me: “…No. Look, how about a nice picture of the Greek island where Mamma Mia is set? We can afford that with our Getty subscription, it will match our brand, and most importantly won’t infringe any copyright.”

ExecSec: “Oh, alright. So is this new then? This copyright thing?”

Me: “Er, no?”

Secretary: “Well no one told me about it when I used to do the invites. Must have just been from when you started.”

Me: *Giving up.* “Yep. Sure.”

Even though the firm actually gave mandatory copyright training to everyone, I thought it best to quit while I was ahead!

The movie “Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse” is out in theaters. If you’ve seen the movie, you know it has a very unique art style and plays around with different types of animation and effects. One of the tricks they use in the background in some scenes is a “doubled image” effect that ALMOST looks like you’re watching a 3D movie without glasses on. It’s to mimic old comic printing and the way it sometimes wouldn’t line up properly, thus creating a double-image. It’s a stylistic choice the filmmakers chose to use and was intentionally done. However, with nearly every 2D showtime we play, at least one person sees the effect and comes out and complains because they think we sold them a ticket to a 3D show.

Customer: *Storming up to box office register* “I didn’t want a g**d*** 3D movie!”

Me: “I apologize. What movie were you in?”

Customer: “The 2:30 Spider-Man!”

Me: “Well, sir, that looks like it was a 2D showtime and not a 3D one.”

Customer: “Bulls***! I could see plain as day that it was in 3D! There were two images onscreen!”

Me: “Sir, I think I know what the problem is. Some scenes have a double-image effect added to emulate old comic-printing techniques. Trust me, it’s supposed to look like that, even in 2D.”

Customer: “That’s f****** stupid! You’re just making that up, you p***k!”

Me: “Okay, lemme check it for you.”

It’s a slow day, so I grab a pair of 3D glasses and go into the theater and check the screen a few times. I’m a huge Spider-Man fan and have seen the movie several times in both 3D and 2D, so I know what to look for. And, lo and behold, it’s definitely the 2D version.

Me: *Returning to the box office* “Sir, I just checked. Trust me, that’s the 2D version. The double-image is a stylistic choice.”

Customer: “No! You listen here, a**hole! You sold me tickets to a 3D showtime! I know you did! Give me my f****** money back, now!”

Me: “If you insist.”

I refunded him and he left. Most people actually calmed down and believed us when we informed them it was supposed to look like that, but for some reason, this guy decided I was an a**hole and just had to have deceived him.

Client: “What is the opposite of Z?”

Me: “…of Z?”

Client: “Yeah, I’m doing the ctrl+Z thing and I went too far back in time. You know that scene in The Time Machine where he goes too far back in time?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Client: “Like that.”