Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
    (1,976 thumbs up)
  • April Themed Story Giveaway: Creepy Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    Klingon To The Hope Of A Ticket

    | London, UK | Geeks Rule, Top

    Customer: “Two tickets for Star Trek, please.”

    Me: “That showing has sold out, sir.”

    Customer: “What! That’s impossible!”

    Me: “The IMAX is very popular sir. I am afraid we don’t have any more seats until tomorrow.”

    Customer: “I need to see this movie! You’re not a Star Trek fan. You wouldn’t understand! Please sell me a ticket!”

    Me: “I would love to sir, but the needs of the one or the few do not outweigh the needs of the many.”

    Customer: *recognizing my quote from Star Trek* “I see. I suppose I couldn’t say that sometimes the needs of the one or the few do outweigh the needs of the many?”

    Me: “No sir, that would be quite illogical.”

    Customer: “Hmm, you’re good.”

    Me: “I must have the lobes for business.”

    Customer: “Two tickets for tomorrow then, please.”

    Me: “Very good, sir.”

    Customer: “Live long and prosper!”

    Rated C For Child Welfare

    | New Brunswick, Canada |

    Me: “Hi, how can I do to help you?”

    Customer: “I’m having a problem with your automatic ticket machines. It won’t let me buy children’s tickets.”

    Me: “Okay, what movie did you want to see?”

    Customer:Final Destination 3D.”

    (I look at the customer’s children, who can barely see over the counter.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you can’t take your children to that movie. They’re too young.”

    Customer: “What the h*** do you mean?! They’re my children!”

    Me: “How old are they?”

    Customer: “Six and eight.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think you understand how gory it is. A man’s guts get sucked out and then explode in the air! Could I recommend a different movie for you?”

    Customer: “No! I’m going to see this movie with my kids!”

    Customer’s husband: “Their favorite movies are Saw 1 and Saw 2!”

    Me: “Well, they still can’t go. It’s illegal.”

    Customer: “Nothing’s illegal to do with your children!” *storms away with husband and kids*

    Seasoned Theatrics

    | Ohio, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, what movie?”

    Customer: “Hi, I want tickets for two.”

    Me: “Two tickets, but what movie?”

    Customer: Yes, for Number 2.”

    Me: “Oh, I see, sir. The names of the movies on the side of the building don’t relate to the screen they are going to be in. What is the name of the movie you want to see?”

    Customer: “This is stupid, my wife and I want to see number 2! It‚Äôs posted outside. You should know what movie it is!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Can you tell me what the movie is about?”

    Customer: “I said it was NUMBER 2!”

    (Finally, the wife jumps in.)

    Wife: “Honey, just sell us two tickets for a movie. We can figure it out.”

    (As she requests, I sell them two tickets. A moment later, I can hear the husband grouching right beside my register.)

    Customer: “What kind of crap is this?! I don’t want to see no movie called JACKA***!”

    Wife: “Honey, you are the jacka***, and the whole theater just got a free showing!”

    No Moviegoer Left Behind

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    (At the box office where I work, the customers have a bad habit of not reading the marquees for the names of their movie. Here are a few of the better ones:)

    Customer: “What’s Gadjicka about?” (Gothika)

    Customer: “I’d like two tickets for El Scorpio.” (The Scorpion King)

    Customer: “Is that Luxj movie any good?” (The League of Extraordinary Gentleman, abbreviated as LXG)

    Customer: “How dare you show a movie called School of C***?!” (School of Rock)

    Customer: “Can I have three for Legally Blind 2?” (Legally Blonde 2)

    (Best minimum wage job EVER.)

    Sadly, This Amounts To A Sex Life

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Top

    (A customer and her two teenagers come up to my register at the theater.)

    Me: “Welcome to [movie theater], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Why is 28 Days Later rated R?”

    Me: “Violence, bad language, intense scenes, and nudity.”

    Customer: “What kind of nudity?”

    Me: “Uh, I don’t know. Let me ask.”

    (I turn off the mic and turn to my manager.)

    Me: “What kind of nudity is in 28 Days Later?”

    Manager: “Male.”

    (I turn the mic back on and speak to the customer.)

    Me, to customer: “It’s male nudity.”

    Customer: “Oh, we’re seeing this!”

    Customer’s teenagers: “Mom!”


    Page 24/35First...2223242526...Last