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    Seasoned Theatrics

    | Ohio, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, what movie?”

    Customer: “Hi, I want tickets for two.”

    Me: “Two tickets, but what movie?”

    Customer: Yes, for Number 2.”

    Me: “Oh, I see, sir. The names of the movies on the side of the building don’t relate to the screen they are going to be in. What is the name of the movie you want to see?”

    Customer: “This is stupid, my wife and I want to see number 2! It‚Äôs posted outside. You should know what movie it is!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Can you tell me what the movie is about?”

    Customer: “I said it was NUMBER 2!”

    (Finally, the wife jumps in.)

    Wife: “Honey, just sell us two tickets for a movie. We can figure it out.”

    (As she requests, I sell them two tickets. A moment later, I can hear the husband grouching right beside my register.)

    Customer: “What kind of crap is this?! I don’t want to see no movie called JACKA***!”

    Wife: “Honey, you are the jacka***, and the whole theater just got a free showing!”

    No Moviegoer Left Behind

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    (At the box office where I work, the customers have a bad habit of not reading the marquees for the names of their movie. Here are a few of the better ones:)

    Customer: “What’s Gadjicka about?” (Gothika)

    Customer: “I’d like two tickets for El Scorpio.” (The Scorpion King)

    Customer: “Is that Luxj movie any good?” (The League of Extraordinary Gentleman, abbreviated as LXG)

    Customer: “How dare you show a movie called School of C***?!” (School of Rock)

    Customer: “Can I have three for Legally Blind 2?” (Legally Blonde 2)

    (Best minimum wage job EVER.)

    Sadly, This Amounts To A Sex Life

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Top

    (A customer and her two teenagers come up to my register at the theater.)

    Me: “Welcome to [movie theater], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Why is 28 Days Later rated R?”

    Me: “Violence, bad language, intense scenes, and nudity.”

    Customer: “What kind of nudity?”

    Me: “Uh, I don’t know. Let me ask.”

    (I turn off the mic and turn to my manager.)

    Me: “What kind of nudity is in 28 Days Later?”

    Manager: “Male.”

    (I turn the mic back on and speak to the customer.)

    Me, to customer: “It’s male nudity.”

    Customer: “Oh, we’re seeing this!”

    Customer’s teenagers: “Mom!”

    The Outer Limits Of Entertainment

    | Chandler, AZ, USA |

    Customer: “Two for ‘Ice Age’, please.”

    Me: “No problem. Did you want the 3-D showing at 2:15, or the regular, 2-D showing at 2:50?”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “…thirty-five minutes, and a dimension.”

    The Day The Earth Revolved Around The Customer

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (I’m working in the customer service area when a woman approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, we are late for the movie…”

    Me: “Okay, would you like to wait for the next show or get a refund?”

    Customer: “No. Could you please rewind the movie back to the beginning?”

    Me: “…rewind the movie?”

    Customer: “Yes, you know…PUSH rewind so we can see it from the beginning.”

    Me: “Uh ma’am, these aren’t like VCRs or DVD players…these are huge projectors that can’t be rewound. Besides that, there are already other people in the theater. All I can do is give you tickets for the next show or a refund.”

    Customer: *exasperated* “NEVER MIND!”


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