Customer: “Hi, I would like 4 tickets for Avatar 3-D.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t have projectors capable of 3-D. We are showing Avatar in traditional 2-D. Is that alright?”

Customer: “Oh, so no 3-D? Sure! Thanks for letting me know!”

Me: “No problem sir. That will be $31.50.”

(The customer pays for the 4 tickets.)

Me: “Thank you very much. Enjoy your show!”

Customer: “Thanks! Now where do we get our 2-D glasses?”

(An old couple approach the auditorium I am ushering.)

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, outside food and drinks are not allowed into our auditoriums. I’ll have to ask you to please dispose of these cups before you can go in.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. No problem.”

(She throws away one of two cups into the garbage, and proceeds to walk in with the other one.)

Me: “I’m sorry, you need to get rid of both of these drinks.”

Customer: *points to her husband who is well on his way into the auditorium* “Oh, there’s nothing in that cup, that’s just for him to spit in.”

(A guest orders her ticket and pulls out her wallet.)

Customer: “Oh, I have a gift card!”

(The guest holds out white plastic card with our logo on it.)

Me: “This is an employee swipe card. We use them for signing in and out at the beginning and end of a shift.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “Where did you get this?”

Customer: “I found it.”

(The guest is about to return the card to her wallet.)

Me: “I’m going to need to hold on to that…”

Customer: “Two senior tickets for [film].”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’re no longer playing that film.”

Customer: “What? But you were playing it yesterday!”

Me: “Well, we usually get new movies on Friday.”

Customer: “My friend looked online and it said it was playing here.”

Me: “What website did you friend go to? Did it say the film would be playing here on Friday? Sometimes the websites get the movie listings wrong.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I’m a native New Yorker and if this was New York, you’d be shot!”

Customer:“I want a refund! Sherlock Holmes was possibly the worst film adaptation of a Jane Austin book I’ve ever seen!”

Me: “Sherlock Holmes was not written by Jane Austen. It was written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

Customer:“I thought there was something odd about it. Well, I guess it really is nothing at all like her other books. Silly me!”