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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I would like 4 tickets for Avatar 3-D.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t have projectors capable of 3-D. We are showing Avatar in traditional 2-D. Is that alright?”

    Customer: “Oh, so no 3-D? Sure! Thanks for letting me know!”

    Me: “No problem sir. That will be $31.50.”

    (The customer pays for the 4 tickets.)

    Me: “Thank you very much. Enjoy your show!”

    Customer: “Thanks! Now where do we get our 2-D glasses?”

    Pray He Doesn’t Sit Behind You

    | Canada |

    (An old couple approach the auditorium I am ushering.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, madam, outside food and drinks are not allowed into our auditoriums. I’ll have to ask you to please dispose of these cups before you can go in.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. No problem.”

    (She throws away one of two cups into the garbage, and proceeds to walk in with the other one.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, you need to get rid of both of these drinks.”

    Customer: *points to her husband who is well on his way into the auditorium* “Oh, there’s nothing in that cup, that’s just for him to spit in.”

    Gift Barred

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (A guest orders her ticket and pulls out her wallet.)

    Customer: “Oh, I have a gift card!”

    (The guest holds out white plastic card with our logo on it.)

    Me: “This is an employee swipe card. We use them for signing in and out at the beginning and end of a shift.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Me: “Where did you get this?”

    Customer: “I found it.”

    (The guest is about to return the card to her wallet.)

    Me: “I’m going to need to hold on to that…”

    Pray It’s Not Sold Out At Times Square

    | Toronto, Canada |

    Customer: “Two senior tickets for [film].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we’re no longer playing that film.”

    Customer: “What? But you were playing it yesterday!”

    Me: “Well, we usually get new movies on Friday.”

    Customer: “My friend looked online and it said it was playing here.”

    Me: “What website did you friend go to? Did it say the film would be playing here on Friday? Sometimes the websites get the movie listings wrong.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! I’m a native New Yorker and if this was New York, you’d be shot!”

    Elementary, My Dear Mr Darcy

    | Utah, USA |

    Customer:“I want a refund! Sherlock Holmes was possibly the worst film adaptation of a Jane Austin book I’ve ever seen!”

    Me:Sherlock Holmes was not written by Jane Austen. It was written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”

    Customer:“I thought there was something odd about it. Well, I guess it really is nothing at all like her other books. Silly me!”

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