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    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 2

    | Frisco, TX, USA |

    (Due to a power outage, all movies have stopped. After employees visit each theater to tell customers what is happening, the power comes back on.)

    Me: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to get your movie back on screen in just a moment.”

    (The movie starts up. Unfortunately, when a projector gets cut off in the middle of the movie, it is about two minutes later in the film than when the power cut out.)

    Customer: “Rewind the movie!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, there is no way to rewind a film sir.”

    Customer: “Just use the remote!”

    Me: “Sir, movies on film are not like DVDs or VHS tapes. You cannot simply rewind it.”

    Customer: “Shut up and give me the remote, I’ll do it!”

    Related:
    Not Remotely Intelligent

    My Razor Valentine

    | Durham, NC, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, are you the manager? I want my money back. That movie is absolutely horrible.”

    Me: “Oh, what was wrong with it?”

    Customer: “Well, the title is very misleading. I thought Valentine’s Day was supposed to be funny, and it’s actually a creepy, disturbing movie about insane people!”

    Me: “Um, did you maybe go into the wrong theater? It sounds like you’re describing Shutter Island.”

    Customer: “Oh, that might be what happened, actually. Who is that guy in it, the main guy?”

    Me: “You mean Leonardo DiCaprio?”

    Customer: “Oh, I love him! I’m gonna go finish the rest of that movie now.”

    The Phone Is On, But No One’s Home

    | California, USA |

    Me: “Hey, How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Turn off my phone!” (She thrusts her cell phone at me, urging me to take it.)

    Me: “Um…okay. One moment.” (I look at the screen; the screen is blank.) “Are you sure it isn’t already off?”

    Customer: “Turn off my phone!”

    (I press one of the arrow keys to test if the phone is on, and the screen comes to life, informing me the keypad is locked.)

    Me: “Oh, it is on. But it’s locked. If you let me unlock it, I can-”

    Customer: “I don’t want you touching my phone!”

    Me: “But you-”

    Customer: “Can you turn my phone off or not?”

    Me: “No, sorry, I can’t.”

    Customer: *taking back the phone* “If this goes off in the theater, it’s not my fault!”

    Related:
    The Lights Are Off But Sadly Someones Home

    Coming Soon: My Big Fat Greek Divorce

    | Kansas City, MO, USA |

    (A man comes up to the box office with his wife.)

    Customer: “Two tickets, please.”

    Me: “Sure, what movie.”

    (Male customer just points at his wife. She does not notice.)

    Me: “Uh, sir, I need to know which movie you’d like to see.”

    (Continues to just point at his wife.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”

    Customer: “She’s a Big, Fat, Greek Woman!”

    Turn That Crown Upside Down

    | Bellingham, WA, USA |

    Me: “Do you have a Crown Club Card?”

    Customer: “Crown Club? More like Clown Club! What a worthless program!”

    Me: “Actually, if you had a Club Card today, you would get a
    coupon for a small popcorn for $1.”

    Customer: “Where do I sign up?”


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