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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    A New Dimension of Stupidity

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Top

    (I pass the customer 3D glasses for his movie.)

    Customer: “So these are 3D glasses?”

    Me: “Yes sir!”

    Customer: *getting excited* “So, if I put them on and look at you, you’ll be in 3D?”

    Me: “Sir, by definition, I’m already 3D.”

    Customer: “No. I mean, if I put on 3D glasses and look at you, or anything else, will you become 3D?”

    Customer’s girlfriend: “You’re dumb. Just stop talking.”

    We Should Put A Cheesy Title Here But Then We’d Just Get Burned

    | Columbia, SC, USA |

    (A customer orders nachos and comes back 20 minutes later.)

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah I just ordered these nachos and the cheese ain’t hot!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. The dispenser is supposed to keep the cheese hot.”

    Customer: “Well you see this?” *sticks finger in the cheese* “I should be burning myself right now!”

    Hair Apparent

    | Alberta, Canada |

    (Two guys around 15 years old show up.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, can I get one ticket to [movie]?”

    Me: “Sure. I’ll just need to see a piece of ID please.”

    Customer #1: “Oh, dang. I don’t have any ID.”

    Me: “Sorry, I’m afraid I can’t sell you a ticket. It is an adult-only movie.”

    Customer #1: “Can’t you just let us in anyway?”

    Me: “Sorry, not without ID.”

    Customer #1: “Well, hey, will this work?” *pulls out student ID card to a local high school*

    Me: “It doesn’t have your birthdate on it, so no, it won’t.

    Customer #2: “Well, can we pay you to let us in?”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, we’ve got money.”

    Me: *laughs* “Sorry, no.”

    (Ten minutes later, they return with Customer #1 holding his finger above his upper lip.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, I’ve got a mustache. Now can I have one to [movie]?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer #2: “See, I told you that wouldn’t work!”

    At Least They Enjoyed The Spew

    | Cumming, GA, USA |

    (I’m doing exit greetings to the leaving guests and a woman walks out with her son.)

    Woman: “Just to let you know, my son threw up in there.”

    Me: “Oh…okay, ma’am. Thanks for letting me know.”

    Woman: “Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. I pushed most of it under the seat anyway.”

    Not Seeing The Forest For The Greasy Trees

    | Birmingham, AL, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m working the concession stand, and a customer has just ordered a jumbo popcorn.)

    Customer: “Is that real butter in the squirty thing?”

    Me: “It’s vegetable oil with artificial butter flavoring.”

    Customer: “Okay, gimme some of that.”

    Me: *squirting some butter* “There you go. Can I get you anything else?”

    Customer: “Little more, please?”

    Me: *squirt* “How’s that?”

    Customer: “Keep going. I’ll say when.”

    (I keep squirting until there’s about two inches of yellow oil in the bottom of the tub. The popcorn is starting to float out the top.)

    Customer: “Okay, that’s good.”

    Me: “Alright, then. Is there anything else you’d like today?”

    Customer: “Lemme have a Diet Coke. A small one. I’m trying to watch my weight.”


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