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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    Free Cop Holder With Drink

    | Durham, NC, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Movies & TV, Top

    (A customer approaches the ticket drop, holding a half bottle of wine.)

    Me: “You cannot bring that in here, ma’am. That is against the law.”

    Customer: “What! I need to bring this in! I can’t just leave it in my car! There is a law about open containers being in cars in this state.”

    Me: “How did you manage to bring it all the way here, then?”

    Customer: “Oh, it wasn’t opened when I left. I drank it on the way here.”

    Me: “So you had an open container and you were drinking on the way here in your car?”

    Customer: “No! I hung the bottle out the window on the way here, and put my head out the window when I was drinking, so it doesn’t count!”

    Me: “Okay, I’m going to call the police now. You wait here.”

    Customer: “Okay! Is he going to hold this for me while I watch my movie?”

    Bohemian Nobody

    | Durham, NC, USA | Top

    (A customer approaches the service counter.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Is this the real life?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Is this just fantasy?”

    Me: *catching on* “Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.”

    Customer: “D*** it! I was trying to prank you! You shouldn’t know what I’m doing!”

    Me: “Doesn’t really matter to me, to meeee.”

    Customer: “F*** you!” *storms off*

    The Unfantastic Mr. Fox

    | United Kingdom |

    (A man comes up to me with a huge bag.)

    Customer: “Can I ask an odd question?”

    Me: “Go for it.”

    Customer: “Would it be okay for me to put my fox costume on and stand in the foyer?”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “Just for pleasure. I enjoy doing it and the customers would enjoy seeing it.”

    Me: “I’ll just check with my manager.”

    (I phone the manager and repeat the request. The manager laughs for a few minutes and says no.)

    Me: “I’m afraid my manager has said it’s not okay.”

    Customer: *looks down sadly* “It’s okay. They said no everywhere else I asked too.” *walks away sadly, dragging the bag with his fox costume in*

    Missing Out On The Spectacle

    | Saco, ME, USA |

    (I am working at the theater for a 3D movie and giving out the glasses.)

    Customer: “The 3D isn’t working. I want a refund.”

    Me: “Oh, well it could just be a problem with the glasses. Let me give you a new pair.”

    Customer: “You mean I have to wear the glasses?”

    Customers Projections Can Leave You Reeling

    | California, USA |

    Customer: “Two for [movie].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t have that film at this theater.”

    Customer: “Why don’t you have it?”

    Me: “I’m not sure. The decisions on where to play the films are made by corporate.”

    Customer: “But I’m here and I want to watch that movie.”

    Me: “Well, I can sell you a ticket to another movie.”

    Customer: “But I want to see that one! Can’t you just go get it? I’ll wait here.”


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