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    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I am working at the box office of a movie theater when a woman approaches my coworker’s window with two clearly underage sons.)

    Customer: “Hi, I want two tickets to Django Unchained.”

    Coworker: “Umm, are you going to see the movie with them?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to see that movie.”

    Coworker: “Unfortunately, Django Unchained is an R-rated movie, and our company policy is that anyone who is under 17 years old has to be accompanied by an adult. I can’t sell you tickets for just them.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? That’s not fair. I shouldn’t have to buy a ticket for a movie I’m not going to.”

    Coworker: “No, ma’am, you would have to actually go into the theater with them.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to see the movie! Fine then, I’ll buy a ticket for myself and then sell it to someone else in line who wants to see the movie!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, but you can’t do that either.”

    Customer: “I’m an adult! I can do whatever I want! I’m going to buy a ticket, and I’m going to sell it to someone else!”

    Coworker: “Listen, let me get you my manager to—”

    Customer: “I don’t want to talk to your manager! You’re not going to call him!”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom, it’s okay. We really don’t need to see the movie.”

    Coworker: *into walkie-talkie* “Can I get a manager to box?”

    Customer: “I told you I don’t want to talk to your manager! Fine, I’ll just sit there with my eyes closed!”

    (She purchases three tickets and goes inside. In the time it takes the customer to walk inside, the manager, who has heard everything, has come to the customer service counter at the box office. The customer walks straight up to my manager.)

    Customer: “So, I guess YOU’RE the one I’m supposed to show THIS to.”

    (The customer shoves her entire wallet with ID in my manager’s face.)

    Customer: “See?! I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, that isn’t the issue.”

    Customer: “Yes it is! He told me I couldn’t buy a ticket unless I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “The issue isn’t whether or not you’re 17. The issue is that your sons cannot see the movie without you watching it with them because it is an R-rated movie.”

    Customer: “But—”

    Manager: “This is not only a company policy, which is posted all over, but also the LAW. If we sell tickets to R-rated movies to anyone underage, we can be heavily fined or worse. I would be more than willing to refund all of your tickets if you do not wish to see the movie.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what the issue is! I’m an adult! I’M OVER 17! I guess I’ll just have to watch the movie with my eyes closed and cover my ears!”
    Related:
    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be

    So Slow It Hertz, Part 2

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I’m working box office today, and it’s been a really long, busy day. After so many hours, the registers sometimes lag a bit during transactions. We’re finally slowing down a bit, and the lines are pretty much gone.)

    Me: “Alright, so you wanted two tickets for Silver Linings Playbook?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I hit the buttons for her tickets, but the computer freezes up a bit.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. My computer is being slow right now.”

    Customer: *gasps* “You take that back!”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “Everyone knows ‘slow’ is not politically correct! Your computer is ‘mentally impaired’!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s a computer…”

    Customer: “And I suppose next you’ll say it’s retarded?! You people are so insensitive; it makes me sick!”

    (I’m speechless, so I hand her the tickets as quickly as possible.)

    Me: “E-enjoy your show.”

    (She takes the tickets and shakes her head, glaring at me, before walking away. The next customer comes up to me.)

    Customer #2: “What the heck was she going on about?”

    Me: “I don’t know, but apparently my computer is mentally impaired and not slow.”

    Related:
    So Slow It Hertz

    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Movies & TV

    (I am at the ticket counter in the lobby, when a customer leaves her movie, and wanders outside to take a call. A few moments later she pokes her head back in to SHOUT at us.)

    Customer: “When is it over?”

    Coworker: “When is what over?”

    Customer: *disgusted sigh* “THE MOVIE!”

    (The theaters are not visible from the ticket counter.)

    Coworker: “Which movie?”

    Customer: “Ugh! THE ONE I CAME FROM!”

    Coworker: “Which was?”

    Customer: “Um… DiGiorno…”

    Me:Django Unchained?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    (The customer gets her information, and goes back outside to take her phone calls again.)

    Me: *to coworker* “Because it’s not delivery, it’s Django?”

    I’d Like Nachos With Extra Photoshop Please

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our concessions stands have digital menu boards, and our food and drink advertisements play every once in a while. A customer is next in line and comes to my register.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large drink and nachos.”

    (I get her drink, and bring her the nachos. The nachos are pre-packed, and as soon as I give them to her, she opens them and looks disgusted.)

    Customer: “I don’t want these nachos! The chips are too small! I wanted the larger nachos!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we only have one size, which are what I gave you. Did you want to try any other hot food?”

    Customer: “No, I want large nachos! What about those?! I want those nachos!”

    (The customer points to our screen, which is showing the nacho advertisement.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; that’s the digital screen, displaying an ad for our nachos.”

    Customer: “But those nachos look bigger!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; they’re the same size as the nachos I gave you. The camera is zoomed in to show texture.”

    (The customer has a dumbfounded look on her face, and quietly leaves.)

    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 4

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

    (I am working at the customer service counter. A middle-aged couple walks up, their 3D glasses still in the packaging.)

    Me: “Hi there! Can I help you?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, we’re seeing [popular 3D movie], and the screen is very blurry!”

    Me: “Hmm, that’s strange; usually the 3D glasses merge the images just fine. Let me call my manager, and see if something is wrong.”

    Customer #2: “But it should be clear even without the glasses. We can’t wear them!”

    Me: “Oh, well you have to wear the glasses with this version; otherwise you won’t be able to see the movie clearly, and will get a wicked headache from it.”

    Customer #1: *snottily* “Well, we have a medical condition that doesn’t allow us to see 3D. We’ve watched movies before without the glasses on just fine.”

    Me: “If you’d like, there is a non-3D version playing in about 30 minutes. I can refund you the surcharge for the 3D one, and then you don’t have to wear the glasses to watch it.”

    Customer #2: “If we wanted to go to the non-3D showing, then we would have gone to that one. Just because this showing is in 3D doesn’t mean I should have to watch it in 3D. I want a refund!”

    (My manager by now has heard the whole conversation, and refunds the order for the couple, who then storm out of the theater.)

    Manager: *to me* “If you know you have a medical condition that makes it so you can’t see 3D, then why—”

    Me: “I have no idea.”

    Related:
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 3
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 2
    Get A Life
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity

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