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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Putting The ‘R’ Into Refund

    | Largo, FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the box office with my manager. A large group of teenage girls dressed like they are going to a club get their turn to purchase tickets.)

    Manager: “Make sure you ID them, and let them know if they sneak in, they won’t get a refund.”

    (I acknowledge the manager’s comment, and turn to the teenage girls.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [theater]; how may I help you?”

    Girl #1: “Can we have tickets to see [R-rated movie]?”

    Me: “Do you guys have ID?”

    Girl #1: “No.”

    Me: “Then I am afraid I can’t sell you the tickets. It’s company policy that you have proper ID to see R-rated movies.”

    (The girls walk away angry. They come back a few minutes later after waiting in line again.)

    Girl #1: “Can we have tickets to see [G-rated movie]?”

    Me: “Sure, your total will be $32. If you try to sneak into the movie you wanted before this one, you will not get a refund. Here are your tickets, enjoy!”

    Girl #2: “Why does everyone think we are trying to sneak into a d*** R-rated movie?!”

    Girl #3: “I don’t know, but it’s getting really ANNOYING!”

    (Not even ten minutes later, the girls come storming out of the theater and toss their tickets up on the counter.)

    Girl #3: “We need refunds for this movie.”

    Me: “Why do you need a refund for this movie?”

    Girl #3: “Because, it already started.”

    Me: “Actually, this movie doesn’t start for another ten minutes.”

    Girl #3: “Well, I, uh…”

    Me: “So why do you need a refund?”

    Girl #3: “Because the cop wouldn’t let us in the movie!”

    Me: “You mean the cop that is standing by the auditoriums that have the R-rated movies, that are on the complete opposite side of the theater that has the movie you bought tickets for?”

    (All four girls give dumbfounded looks.)

    Me: “I am sorry; I can’t give you a refund.”

    (The girls start making a scene. My manager walks over.)

    Manager: “Listen, my employee did her job. She told you she wasn’t going to give you a refund if you tried to sneak into a movie, and you did exactly what she told you not to do. Now, you have two options: you can leave the theater and take your attitudes elsewhere, or I can call the cops and have them remove you from the premises. Which will it be?”

    (The girls turn and storm off.)

    A Theatrical Reaction

    | NY, USA | Movies & TV

    (I am a greeter at the movie theater, so I rip the tickets. There are two of the same movies playing up the stairs. The movie that started is in theater four, and the movie that is about to start is in theater five. I greet a couple.)

    Me: “Are you here to see [movie title]? Previews should just be going on.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I heard that it is great.”

    Me: “Your movie will be in theater five up the stairs.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    (Note: theater five should now be in previews. Shortly after the couple leaves, I hear someone running down the stairs. It is the same customer from the couple as before.)

    Customer: “What is this bull-s***?! I want to see a manager NOW!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “You told me [movie] was in previews! When I got into the theater, the previews didn’t even go on, and it went straight into the movie! This is an outrage!”

    Me: “How can that be? The movie should just be getting into previews!”

    Customer: “I want a f****** refund, and I want your manager now!”

    (Her husband jumps into the conversation.)

    Customer’s Husband: “This is an outrage! I can’t stand people who lie! I want a refund for this horrible service.”

    Me: “Well, what theater did you go into?”

    Customer’s Husband: “We went into theater four.”

    (I just look at them at this point. They went into the wrong theater.)

    Customer: “Yeah, someone told us when we got up to the second floor that the movie was in four!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no one up stairs that works for the theater. What your ticket stub says, is what your movie is in.”

    Customer: “Oh, I am so sorry honey! I thought that we were going to the right theater.”

    Me: “It is fine, ma’am. Previews should just be ending so I would hurry.”

    (They both go up the stairs. I look at my coworker.)

    Coworker: “I wanted to jump in, but I didn’t know how to.”

    Me: “It’s fine; I don’t really mind. I just let them yell at me and then use a calm voice to confuse them.”

    Coworker: “Note taken.”

    Stubs To Be You

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I’m at a podium on a busy weekend afternoon tearing tickets. A customer comes back to the podium.)

    Customer: “I’d like my ticket back.”

    Me: “The ticket stub I gave you when you passed through is actually all you need.”

    Customer: “No, I need the other half back. I want to get a refund.”

    Me: “You actually don’t need the other half to do that. You can just go back up to box office with what you have and get a refund.”

    Customer: “I don’t see why it’s so hard for you to just give it back to me. I was here just a minute ago. Give it to me now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to be able to find your ticket. Dozens of other people have passed through behind you.”

    Customer: “Why won’t you just give me the other half of my ticket? It can’t be that hard. I want it back!”

    (I don’t know what to say at this point, so I open the drawer full of hundreds of torn tickets and look back up at her.)

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Inferior Knowledge On Lake Superior

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography

    (I work at a movie theatre in a museum which specializes in showing documentary features. We currently have one about the Great Lakes.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! What’s the next movie about?”

    Me: “Well, it’s mostly about the attempts to re-introduce sturgeon into the rivers surrounding the Great Lakes and—”

    Customer: “Well yeah, but which Great Lakes?”

    Me: “Um… all of them.”

    Customer: “No, WHICH GREAT LAKES? Like, the ones in Canada, or the ones in America?”

    Me: “Uh, I’m pretty sure they’re the same lakes.”

    Customer: “No no no, there are the Great Lakes of Canada, and the Great Lakes of America. They’re different.”

    Me: “Well, I think the border runs through most of them—”

    Customer: “Who would put a national border in the middle of lake? Honestly, you’d think they’d teach you something about the movies you play here.”

    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I am working at the box office of a movie theater when a woman approaches my coworker’s window with two clearly underage sons.)

    Customer: “Hi, I want two tickets to Django Unchained.”

    Coworker: “Umm, are you going to see the movie with them?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to see that movie.”

    Coworker: “Unfortunately, Django Unchained is an R-rated movie, and our company policy is that anyone who is under 17 years old has to be accompanied by an adult. I can’t sell you tickets for just them.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? That’s not fair. I shouldn’t have to buy a ticket for a movie I’m not going to.”

    Coworker: “No, ma’am, you would have to actually go into the theater with them.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to see the movie! Fine then, I’ll buy a ticket for myself and then sell it to someone else in line who wants to see the movie!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, but you can’t do that either.”

    Customer: “I’m an adult! I can do whatever I want! I’m going to buy a ticket, and I’m going to sell it to someone else!”

    Coworker: “Listen, let me get you my manager to—”

    Customer: “I don’t want to talk to your manager! You’re not going to call him!”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom, it’s okay. We really don’t need to see the movie.”

    Coworker: *into walkie-talkie* “Can I get a manager to box?”

    Customer: “I told you I don’t want to talk to your manager! Fine, I’ll just sit there with my eyes closed!”

    (She purchases three tickets and goes inside. In the time it takes the customer to walk inside, the manager, who has heard everything, has come to the customer service counter at the box office. The customer walks straight up to my manager.)

    Customer: “So, I guess YOU’RE the one I’m supposed to show THIS to.”

    (The customer shoves her entire wallet with ID in my manager’s face.)

    Customer: “See?! I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, that isn’t the issue.”

    Customer: “Yes it is! He told me I couldn’t buy a ticket unless I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “The issue isn’t whether or not you’re 17. The issue is that your sons cannot see the movie without you watching it with them because it is an R-rated movie.”

    Customer: “But—”

    Manager: “This is not only a company policy, which is posted all over, but also the LAW. If we sell tickets to R-rated movies to anyone underage, we can be heavily fined or worse. I would be more than willing to refund all of your tickets if you do not wish to see the movie.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what the issue is! I’m an adult! I’M OVER 17! I guess I’ll just have to watch the movie with my eyes closed and cover my ears!”
    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be

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