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    I’d Like Nachos With Extra Photoshop Please

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our concessions stands have digital menu boards, and our food and drink advertisements play every once in a while. A customer is next in line and comes to my register.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large drink and nachos.”

    (I get her drink, and bring her the nachos. The nachos are pre-packed, and as soon as I give them to her, she opens them and looks disgusted.)

    Customer: “I don’t want these nachos! The chips are too small! I wanted the larger nachos!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we only have one size, which are what I gave you. Did you want to try any other hot food?”

    Customer: “No, I want large nachos! What about those?! I want those nachos!”

    (The customer points to our screen, which is showing the nacho advertisement.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; that’s the digital screen, displaying an ad for our nachos.”

    Customer: “But those nachos look bigger!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; they’re the same size as the nachos I gave you. The camera is zoomed in to show texture.”

    (The customer has a dumbfounded look on her face, and quietly leaves.)

    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 4

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

    (I am working at the customer service counter. A middle-aged couple walks up, their 3D glasses still in the packaging.)

    Me: “Hi there! Can I help you?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, we’re seeing [popular 3D movie], and the screen is very blurry!”

    Me: “Hmm, that’s strange; usually the 3D glasses merge the images just fine. Let me call my manager, and see if something is wrong.”

    Customer #2: “But it should be clear even without the glasses. We can’t wear them!”

    Me: “Oh, well you have to wear the glasses with this version; otherwise you won’t be able to see the movie clearly, and will get a wicked headache from it.”

    Customer #1: *snottily* “Well, we have a medical condition that doesn’t allow us to see 3D. We’ve watched movies before without the glasses on just fine.”

    Me: “If you’d like, there is a non-3D version playing in about 30 minutes. I can refund you the surcharge for the 3D one, and then you don’t have to wear the glasses to watch it.”

    Customer #2: “If we wanted to go to the non-3D showing, then we would have gone to that one. Just because this showing is in 3D doesn’t mean I should have to watch it in 3D. I want a refund!”

    (My manager by now has heard the whole conversation, and refunds the order for the couple, who then storm out of the theater.)

    Manager: *to me* “If you know you have a medical condition that makes it so you can’t see 3D, then why—”

    Me: “I have no idea.”

    Related:
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 3
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 2
    Get A Life
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity

    Lactose And Intolerant

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bigotry, Movies & TV

    (The movie ‘Milk’ has just come out. A man approaches the ticket box.)

    Customer: “I demand a refund!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; what’s wrong?”

    Customer: “I just saw Milk, what the h***? That movie was an outrage! I had no idea it was about that s***! Give me my money back!”

    Me: “Sir, did you read the movie description before you bought the ticket?”

    Customer: “No! Why should I?! The movie was supposed to be about what the title says!”

    A Minor Mistake

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Love/Romance, Movies & TV

    (I’m currently a high school student. I look really young, about 12 or 13, so I’m not hit on very often. A customer aged about 30 walks up to me, smirking.)

    Customer: “Remember when I asked you out two years ago, and you turned me down because you said you live too far away? Well, look where we are now. I have a job at [local corporate headquarters], and you clean up people’s trash at a movie theater.”

    (He drops trash on the ground.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not who you think I am. I go to [local high school]. Also, I only date girls.”

    (The customer slowly realizes that I am both a minor and a lesbian.)

    Customer: “Oh. I’m way off, aren’t I?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (The customer picks up his trash, and scurries off with a sheepish look on his face.)

    The Sweetest Thing Isn’t The Candy

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (A young boy—about seven or eight years old—walks up to my register. He is all alone, and without his parents.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

    (The boy puts $7 on the counter.)

    Boy: “Hi, ma’am, do I have enough money to buy this candy?”

    Me: “Yes, you do, and you have some left over!”

    Boy: “Oh, really? Well do I have enough to buy two?”

    Me: “Yes, you do!”

    Boy: “Alright, I’ll get two! My brother is sick today, and he couldn’t come to the movie. I want to get him something so he doesn’t feel left out.”

    Me: “That’s very nice of you!”

    Boy: “I just felt bad for him. Well, thank you very much, ma’am. I really appreciate it. Have a good day!”

    (He is the nicest customer I have all day, not to mention the youngest!)

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