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  • I Gotta Ticket To Hide

    | Lansdale, PA, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Wild & Unruly

    (I enter a movie theater when there is only one other customer at the counter.)

    Customer: “Hey, can I get a ticket to Insidious 2?”

    Cashier: “That’s [price].”

    Customer: “Okay.” *looks in purse* “I have three quarters.”

    Cashier: “Sorry, can’t allow you.”

    Customer: “No! You said I could go in; you WILL let me!”

    Cashier: “No, you don’t have enough; I wasn’t to know.”

    Customer: “You’ll sell me that ticket!”

    Cashier: “I can’t; it’s against policy.”

    (The customer walks outside.)

    Me: “I’d like a ticket to Justin and the Knights of Valor.”

    Cashier: “Sure.”

    (I pay and go to the ticket inspector. Before I know what has happened, the customer has run back in, snatches my ticket, rushes past the ticket inspector and runs towards the ‘Insidious’ theater. The ticket inspector and I run after and enter the theater, where commercials are still playing.)

    Me: “Hey! That was my ticket!”

    Ticket Inspector: “Give him back his ticket, please.”

    Customer: “No! His ticket wasn’t ripped!” *shows ticket* “This one is.”

    Ticket Inspector: “That’s because you STOLE his ticket. Give it back.”

    Customer: “Piss off!”

    Ticket Inspector: “Give it back or I’m getting security.”

    Other Moviegoer: “Just give the d*** thing back!”

    (Others in the theater are agreeing.)

    Customer: “No. It’s mine, and you can’t prove it’s yours. You’re just a silly little boy and you think you can get what you want.”

    Ticket Inspector: *on radio* “Could security please come to screen three?”

    (At this point, the customer begins eating the ticket. The inspector tries ripping it from her hands, but she has already eaten most of it.)

    Customer: “Can’t prove it now!”

    (Security came and took her away. The ticket inspector apologized for her behavior and gave me my money back.)

    Hellish Customers

    | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Religion

    (While doing theater checks, I am informed that we have some skateboarders using our building’s parking lot and curbs as their own personal skate-park. I am sent to ask them to leave.)

    Me: “Hey guys, you can’t skateboard here.”

    Skateboarder #1: “Well, where can we go then?”

    Me: “I know of a skate-park 20 minutes walk from here at [local park].”

    Skateboarder #2: “Can we do a few more tricks here before we go?”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    (The three skateboarders turn to leave when the third, who has remained quiet the whole time, turns to me.)

    Skateboarder #3: “I WORSHIP LUFFASIR SIX SIX SIX! What do you say to that!?”

    Me: “Luffasir? It’s Lucifer, and I don’t need any more morons worshiping me. Now get the h*** out of here.”

    (Skateboarder #3 turns red and quickly walks away followed by his buddies, who could not stop laughing.)

    Outside Food, Inside Job

    | Manville, NJ, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s a busy night and, like almost every movie theater, we have a policy of no outside food or drinks. I’m ushering/taking tickets when a customer comes up to me with a large drink from another store. On busy nights the managers are always walking about and keeping a sharp eye on the lobby.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; you can’t bring that in. You have to finish it in the lobby or throw it out.”

    Customer: “But it’s tea. I’m sick.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I still can’t let you in with it.”

    Customer: “Says who?”

    (I point to the sign in front of me.)

    Me: “It’s our policy.”

    Customer: “Well, I talked to the manager, and he said it was okay that I can bring it in.”

    (My manager, who is right behind me, suddenly turns around.)

    Manager: “Hi, I’m the manager. It’s nice to meet you.”

    (The customer looks shocked, goes silent, throws the tea out, and ignores me when I let her in.)

    Aging Badly

    | Exeter, England, UK | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a cinema. One evening on my break, I see my husband’s 13-year-old cousin hanging around outside. I have a feeling that she’s trying to get into a 15-rated film, so when I go back on shift, I tell everybody else I know she’s under 15. She eventually goes to my manager’s till, so I go over.)

    Me: “Don’t sell her a ticket to Silent Hill. She’s my husband’s cousin; I know she’s 13.”

    Manager: “Okay, thanks.”

    (My cousin approaches. She doesn’t seem to recognize me.)

    Cousin: “I’d like tickets for Silent Hill, please.”

    Manager: “I’m afraid you cannot get a ticket for the film. You are not over 15.”

    Cousin: “What the f***?! I’m f****** 15; don’t f****** listen to her! What the f*** does she know? I want to watch the f****** film!”

    Manager: “You’re not old enough to watch it; we know you’re not. Can you move to the side, so I can serve someone else?”

    Cousin: “F*** you! You don’t know s***! I’m watching the f****** film!”

    (My manager goes to my cousin’s friends, who are waiting to the side.)

    Manager: “I’m happy for you guys to watch the film; you’ve got your ID with you, so it’s fine. Your friend can’t watch the film because she’s not old enough.” *to my husband’s cousin* “I’m asking you to leave, and to stop swearing.”

    Cousin: “I’m not f****** swearing!”

    Manager: “Or I can call the police to have you removed? Choice is yours.”

    (She hasn’t stepped foot in the cinema since. That Christmas, she came round to my husband’s parents’ house while we were there. As soon as she saw me, she practically fled the room, because the penny finally dropped!)

    Worshiping A Vengeful God

    | Waco, TX, USA | Money, Movies & TV, Religion

    (At our theater, matinee ends at 6 pm, and 3D movies cost $2.50 more than regular ones. It’s about 5:50 pm and I’m selling tickets for a 6pm showing.)

    Customer: “Well, I’d like two for The Avengers.”

    Me: “Alright, the 6 pm is in 3D; is that okay?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s why we’re watching the 6 pm one!”

    Me: “Fantastic. Any student or military IDs for a discount today?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Well, for two tickets that’s $19.”

    Customer: “FOR TWO TICKETS? That’s ridiculous! I thought this place was supposed to be cheap; what am I even paying for?”

    (I’ve zoned out, and just grab his glasses when his wife cuts in.)

    Customer’s Wife: *over her still-ranting husband* “Ignore him. He’s had a bad day. Here’s a twenty.”

    (I finish their transaction and someone walks up to them and greets the man.)

    Other Customer: “Oh, hey Pastor!”

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