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    Worshiping A Vengeful God

    | Waco, TX, USA | Money, Movies & TV, Religion

    (At our theater, matinee ends at 6 pm, and 3D movies cost $2.50 more than regular ones. It’s about 5:50 pm and I’m selling tickets for a 6pm showing.)

    Customer: “Well, I’d like two for The Avengers.”

    Me: “Alright, the 6 pm is in 3D; is that okay?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s why we’re watching the 6 pm one!”

    Me: “Fantastic. Any student or military IDs for a discount today?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Well, for two tickets that’s $19.”

    Customer: “FOR TWO TICKETS? That’s ridiculous! I thought this place was supposed to be cheap; what am I even paying for?”

    (I’ve zoned out, and just grab his glasses when his wife cuts in.)

    Customer’s Wife: *over her still-ranting husband* “Ignore him. He’s had a bad day. Here’s a twenty.”

    (I finish their transaction and someone walks up to them and greets the man.)

    Other Customer: “Oh, hey Pastor!”

    Putting The ‘R’ Into Refund

    | Largo, FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the box office with my manager. A large group of teenage girls dressed like they are going to a club get their turn to purchase tickets.)

    Manager: “Make sure you ID them, and let them know if they sneak in, they won’t get a refund.”

    (I acknowledge the manager’s comment, and turn to the teenage girls.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [theater]; how may I help you?”

    Girl #1: “Can we have tickets to see [R-rated movie]?”

    Me: “Do you guys have ID?”

    Girl #1: “No.”

    Me: “Then I am afraid I can’t sell you the tickets. It’s company policy that you have proper ID to see R-rated movies.”

    (The girls walk away angry. They come back a few minutes later after waiting in line again.)

    Girl #1: “Can we have tickets to see [G-rated movie]?”

    Me: “Sure, your total will be $32. If you try to sneak into the movie you wanted before this one, you will not get a refund. Here are your tickets, enjoy!”

    Girl #2: “Why does everyone think we are trying to sneak into a d*** R-rated movie?!”

    Girl #3: “I don’t know, but it’s getting really ANNOYING!”

    (Not even ten minutes later, the girls come storming out of the theater and toss their tickets up on the counter.)

    Girl #3: “We need refunds for this movie.”

    Me: “Why do you need a refund for this movie?”

    Girl #3: “Because, it already started.”

    Me: “Actually, this movie doesn’t start for another ten minutes.”

    Girl #3: “Well, I, uh…”

    Me: “So why do you need a refund?”

    Girl #3: “Because the cop wouldn’t let us in the movie!”

    Me: “You mean the cop that is standing by the auditoriums that have the R-rated movies, that are on the complete opposite side of the theater that has the movie you bought tickets for?”

    (All four girls give dumbfounded looks.)

    Me: “I am sorry; I can’t give you a refund.”

    (The girls start making a scene. My manager walks over.)

    Manager: “Listen, my employee did her job. She told you she wasn’t going to give you a refund if you tried to sneak into a movie, and you did exactly what she told you not to do. Now, you have two options: you can leave the theater and take your attitudes elsewhere, or I can call the cops and have them remove you from the premises. Which will it be?”

    (The girls turn and storm off.)

    A Theatrical Reaction

    | NY, USA | Movies & TV

    (I am a greeter at the movie theater, so I rip the tickets. There are two of the same movies playing up the stairs. The movie that started is in theater four, and the movie that is about to start is in theater five. I greet a couple.)

    Me: “Are you here to see [movie title]? Previews should just be going on.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I heard that it is great.”

    Me: “Your movie will be in theater five up the stairs.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    (Note: theater five should now be in previews. Shortly after the couple leaves, I hear someone running down the stairs. It is the same customer from the couple as before.)

    Customer: “What is this bull-s***?! I want to see a manager NOW!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “You told me [movie] was in previews! When I got into the theater, the previews didn’t even go on, and it went straight into the movie! This is an outrage!”

    Me: “How can that be? The movie should just be getting into previews!”

    Customer: “I want a f****** refund, and I want your manager now!”

    (Her husband jumps into the conversation.)

    Customer’s Husband: “This is an outrage! I can’t stand people who lie! I want a refund for this horrible service.”

    Me: “Well, what theater did you go into?”

    Customer’s Husband: “We went into theater four.”

    (I just look at them at this point. They went into the wrong theater.)

    Customer: “Yeah, someone told us when we got up to the second floor that the movie was in four!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no one up stairs that works for the theater. What your ticket stub says, is what your movie is in.”

    Customer: “Oh, I am so sorry honey! I thought that we were going to the right theater.”

    Me: “It is fine, ma’am. Previews should just be ending so I would hurry.”

    (They both go up the stairs. I look at my coworker.)

    Coworker: “I wanted to jump in, but I didn’t know how to.”

    Me: “It’s fine; I don’t really mind. I just let them yell at me and then use a calm voice to confuse them.”

    Coworker: “Note taken.”

    Stubs To Be You

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I’m at a podium on a busy weekend afternoon tearing tickets. A customer comes back to the podium.)

    Customer: “I’d like my ticket back.”

    Me: “The ticket stub I gave you when you passed through is actually all you need.”

    Customer: “No, I need the other half back. I want to get a refund.”

    Me: “You actually don’t need the other half to do that. You can just go back up to box office with what you have and get a refund.”

    Customer: “I don’t see why it’s so hard for you to just give it back to me. I was here just a minute ago. Give it to me now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to be able to find your ticket. Dozens of other people have passed through behind you.”

    Customer: “Why won’t you just give me the other half of my ticket? It can’t be that hard. I want it back!”

    (I don’t know what to say at this point, so I open the drawer full of hundreds of torn tickets and look back up at her.)

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Inferior Knowledge On Lake Superior

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography

    (I work at a movie theatre in a museum which specializes in showing documentary features. We currently have one about the Great Lakes.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! What’s the next movie about?”

    Me: “Well, it’s mostly about the attempts to re-introduce sturgeon into the rivers surrounding the Great Lakes and—”

    Customer: “Well yeah, but which Great Lakes?”

    Me: “Um… all of them.”

    Customer: “No, WHICH GREAT LAKES? Like, the ones in Canada, or the ones in America?”

    Me: “Uh, I’m pretty sure they’re the same lakes.”

    Customer: “No no no, there are the Great Lakes of Canada, and the Great Lakes of America. They’re different.”

    Me: “Well, I think the border runs through most of them—”

    Customer: “Who would put a national border in the middle of lake? Honestly, you’d think they’d teach you something about the movies you play here.”


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