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King Wrong

, , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2024

It is 2005, and “King Kong” is playing in our theater. A man and his young son are leaving the screen at the end of a showing. I overhear their conversation while they wait for someone to come out of the restroom.

Father: “That was a lot of fun!”

Son: “Yeah! Thanks, Dad.”

Father: “I wonder if that’s why they changed the top of the Empire State Building.”

Son: “Huh?”

Father: “I saw pictures of how the top of the Empire State Building looked when they first built it, and how it looks today is different. Was it because of King Kong?”

Son: “Uh… are you messing with me?”

Father: “What do you mean?”

Son: *Laughing* “Like a giant gorilla climbed the building in real life!”

Father: “Oh. I thought it was based on a true story.”

Son: “It’s a giant gorilla!”

Father: “What? Lots of animals go extinct!”

Too Much Of That Will Make You Feel Nausicaa

, , , , , , | Right | January 18, 2024

Customer: “One adult and one child for The Boy And The Heroin, please.”

Me: “You mean The Boy And The Heron?”

The customer glances up at the movie names above me, then down at the little seven- or eight-year-old boy he’s here with, and then back at me. 

Customer: “Yes, that sounds more age-appropriate.”

The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 16

, , , , , , | Right | January 16, 2024

Customer: “Two tickets to [Movie], please. I love this movie! It’s my fourth time seeing it!”

Me: “Wow, you must really like it. That’s [total], please.”

Customer: “Jim Caviezel is so handsome! How many times have you seen it?”

Me: “I haven’t actually seen it.”

Customer: “But it’s been out for a week! You have to see it! It’s practically un-American to not see it!”

Me: “But, I’m not American.”

Customer: *Gasps* “You’re not?!”

Me: “No, I’m from Denmark.”

Customer: “But… you’re white!”

Me: “Yes, most people from Denmark are white.”

Customer: “I thought white people only come from America.”

Me: “Uh… actually, Europe is the continent that’s mostly ethnically white.”

Customer: “Europe? Like New England?”

Me: “Like France, Italy, Spain…”

Customer: “I thought Spain was full of Mexicans?”

Me: “Enjoy the movie, ma’am.”

Related:
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 15
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 14
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 13
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 12
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 11

At Least When They’re On Their Smartphones, They’re Not On The Work Phones!

, , , , , , , , , | Working | December 30, 2023

This story is from the late 1970s when I was about eighteen or nineteen years old. This was long before you could check on movie schedules and showtimes online. I called the movie theater one afternoon to check the start times for movies for that evening. Each time I called, I got a busy signal, which was a bit unusual, especially for mid-afternoon on a weekday. I’d wait a minute or two and try again. Still getting a busy signal, I tried waiting a few minutes between tries but still got a busy signal.

Finally, after a good twenty minutes and more than a dozen attempts, I tried yet again. I got a busy signal, but this time only for a second or two. Then, I heard a click, and I found myself connected to a call between what sounded like two teenage girls just chatting on the phone, one of whom was working at the theater. I sat there, at first surprised at this glitch that somehow tied me into an existing phone call, and then fuming that this girl had spent who knows how long holding up the phone line from customers like me by chatting with her friend.

I listened in for a few seconds and heard this mundane conversation.

Theater Teen: “Yeah, I’m on until the last movie starts tonight, and then I’ll be off, probably a little after ten.”

Other Teen: “Geez, that makes a for a long day. Does [Friend] still work with you there?”

Theater Teen: “No, she left here almost two weeks ago. She got a job at that dress store at the mall. She just started last week. She loves it because gets, like, a really big employee discount!”

Other Teen: “Man, I should try that. I spend so much on clothes; I could use a discount!”

Theater Teen: “Oh, you don’t need to tell me! I spend half my check on clothes and makeup and stuff! So, what else is new?”

Other Teen: “Oh, not much. I have stinkin’ ton of homework to get through tonight, though. Every teacher just piled on their own homework. Don’t they ever consider that other teachers give homework, too? My God!”

Theater Teen: “Yeah, I know, like they’re the only teacher who gives out homework.”

At that point, I’m aggravated that I couldn’t get through to the theater for the past tenty minutes because of THIS. So, I decide to have a little fun. I put on my best “manager voice”.

Me: “Young lady, are you on that phone again holding up the lines? You march yourself into my office right this instant!”

Theater Teen: “Oh, Mr. Jones, ah, I’m, ah, sorry! I’ll be right there.”

Other Teen: “Oh, my gawd, I hope you’re not in too much trouble! Oh, s***! Call me later!”

Theater Teen: “Oh, no, I… I don’t know. I thought he was busy checking the theaters out! Crap! I’d better go!”

They hung up, and I started laughing for a few minutes before I called back. A guy answered the phone this time, and I found out the times in just a minute. Nasty little trick, I know, but hey, I got her off the d*** phone!

Lesson learned, I hope!

It Can Be Cool To Be Kind

, , , , , | Right | December 27, 2023

I work in a movie theater. To keep kids from getting too bored while their parents are paying for snacks, I will often talk to them for a few moments if there’s time. I’ll ask if they’re looking forward to the movie, or I’ll point out one of their snacks and tell them I really like that one, too, or I’ll pay them a minor compliment — telling them their shirt is cool or that I like their light up shoes, for example.

Me: “I like your glasses!”

The young girl I’m talking to looks away, tugging at her glasses.

Girl’s Mom: “Thank you! She just got them a few days ago.”

Seeing how the girl seems very self-conscious about them, I give her a wide smile.

Me: “They’re really cool! I wish I looked as cool as you do. In fact…”

I turn around, pull out the reading glasses that I now keep nearby for just this reason, and put them on.

Me: “There! Now I look almost as cool as you, don’t you think?”

Girl: *Grinning widely* “Yes!”

As they leave with their snacks, I overhear the mom talking to her.

Girl’s Mom: “See, she thought they were cool! Wasn’t that nice?”

The girl agreed, and they walked away. I’ve done this at least five times now, and the kids always leave with their heads held high. I hope that if they hear negative comments from someone else, they can at least remember that another person thought they looked cool.