Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Retort Against Those Who Extort
    (1,697 thumbs up)
  • September Theme Of The Month: Return Of The Geeks!
    Submit your story today!

    Sugar And Spice And Naughty And Nice

    | Bloomfield Hills, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Movies & TV

    Customer: *after purchasing tickets and popcorn* “And I need to get my husband a drink. Give me a bottle of water. Or… what do you have that’s not naughty?”

    Me: “Um, naughty like… ‘sex on the beach?’”

    Customer: “No. Just without any high-fructose crap. Saccharine is fine, aspartame isn’t…”

    (She begins to look at the options in our cooler as her husband, wearing a ‘live free or die’ hat, enters.)

    Customer: “Get something to drink. Something not naughty.”

    Customer’s Husband: *to me* “You got Coke products?”

    Me: “Yes. We have fountain drinks which have HFCS, and the bottled drinks are all cane sugar. So they aren’t, um, quite as naughty.”

    Customer: “Oh, he’ll just have a bottle of water.”

    Me: “Okay. So that’s two bottles of water? One for him and one for you?”

    Customer’s Husband:  ”I think I’ll have a Cherry Coke.”

    Customer: “Cherry Coke? What are you, 12?”

    Customer’s Husband:  ”We’re at a movie!”

    Customer: “But it’s NAUGHTY!”

    Customer’s Husband:  ”Fine. Make it a small.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ll be in the theater while you’re getting diabetes! WITH MY WATER!”

    (I prepare the Cherry Coke for him and ring it up.)

    Me: “Live free or die, man. Here’s your drink.”

    That Price Is Politically Incorrect

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Politics

    (I am working the concessions stand at a movie theater in a very affluent neighborhood, in early 2009.)

    Customer: “How much for a small popcorn?”

    Me: “$5.50.”

    Customer: “THAT much? Wow. Well, that’s what we get for electing Obama.”

    Me: “I was unaware that the President of the United States took time out of his schedule to set popcorn prices.”

    (I’ve been back to this theater recently and prices have actually gone up. THANKS, OBAMA!)

    Hot Coffee Is Cold Comfort

    | IL, USA | Crazy Requests

    (It is the coldest day our area has had in decades, with wind chills reaching -50. Regardless, our theater is still relatively busy.)

    Customer: *while walking the opposite direction from me down a hallway* “You should give us free popcorn or something because we came out here in this cold!”

    Me: “Sir, unlike me, you came here willingly. I’d rather be home, but I’m working because you’re here.”

    Coworker: “You should have told him that they should be bringing us free coffee for having to deal with them!”

    Inex-spews-able Behavior, Part 2

    | IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I am working in the box office during the day, when we are usually fairly slow. Because of this, I don’t mind waiting on customers to decide what show they want to see, provided they wait off to the side and don’t obstruct my line.)

    Customer #1: *walks in and stands directly in front of my register, looking at showtimes*

    Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

    Customer #1: *coughing and choking* “H-hi.” *hack* “I’m g-*hack*-good.”

    (She continues to stand there, coughing and occasionally retching. At this point, a second customer comes in and stands behind her, very patiently waiting for his turn.)

    Customer #1: “I’ll take *hack* one for *retch*…”

    (Customer #1 then proceeds to vomit all over my counter, leaving a huge puddle of phlegm right in front of the hole through which money and tickets are exchanged. My second customer, who has been trying not to look as disgusted as I feel, runs into the main building to inform the manager of what has happened, since I can’t use my radio with Customer #1 still standing there.)

    Customer #1: “Sorry. I’d like one ticket for—” *retches and spits up more vomit on the floor* “One for [Movie], please.”

    Me: *trying not to lose my own breakfast* “That’ll be [price], please…”

    (Customer #1 proceeds to hand me her rewards card and credit card over her own vomit puddle. I try to process the order without touching her cards more than necessary, and without sticking her ticket into the puddle.)

    Me: “Enjoy… enjoy your show.”

    Manager: *opening the door to the box office* “Are you okay, [My Name]?”

    Customer #1: “Yeah… Sorry.” *hack*

    Me: “Eww… Can I go wash my hands?”

    Manager: “Yeah, go ahead and go on break. I’ll clean this up…”

    (I didn’t realize it at the time, but my second customer was a regular that suffers from throat cancer and was unable to explain what had happened. He can’t speak, and doesn’t understand English very well, so he usually writes down the movie he wants to see. My manager thought that I was the one that had gotten sick!)

    Related:
    Inex-spews-able Behavior

    Behavior Past The Tipping Point

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I’ve just finished cleaning the entire lobby before our next session goes in. I’m now back at the counter serving, with a large group of patrons waiting in line.)

    Me: “Is that everything?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but my drink is too full.”

    Me: “Oh, I’ll empty some out if you like.”

    Customer: “No, I’ll do it.” *tips half of her soda all over my clean bench and walks off*

    Page 3/1312345...Last