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    Please Keep Customer Interaction To A Condominimum

    | Bloomington, IN, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a regular that comes in at least once every two weeks. He really enjoys talking to me, and for the first year of him coming in I don’t mind talking to him, even though he holds me in random conversations for 20 minutes at a time. On this particular day, I am discussing with him my upcoming internship abroad in Ireland, and this is the conversation that follows. Note that he is a man in his 60s, and I am an early 20s young woman.)

    Me: “Yeah, my grandma is supposedly already setting me up with an Irish guy over there.”

    Regular: “Well, you want to be careful. You know, you have your whole life ahead of you, and you still have so many things you want to do, and you don’t want to get tied down to anything, so you should take some condoms with you.”

    Me: *speechless*

    (Fast forward a couple months. It is one week before I leave for Ireland, and the regular comes back in.)

    Regular: “So when’s your last day?”

    Me: “My last day is tomorrow, but I leave next week.”

    Regular: “Okay, hold on.”

    (He goes outside. Meanwhile, my coworkers are teasing me about the regular. They know about the conversation with the condoms. The regular then comes back in.)

    Regular: *hands me a piece of paper* “This is my number. Text me when you get back. I’d like to hear all about it. Bye!”

    (He leaves.)

    Coworker: “Picking up guests, [My Name]?”

    Me: “I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS!”

    Coworker: “Maybe you should put him in your phone as ‘Condom.’”

    (I leave for Ireland, spend the summer there, and the experience is wonderful. I get back and reclaim my job at the theater. One evening I’m in concessions, cupping jalapenos. The regular has seen me on a previous shift, but wasn’t too creepy then.)

    Coworker #2: “Hey, this was left for you at the box, and I have no idea what it means. No one does.”

    (I read it. It is a note asking if I wanted to go to a White Tara Experience at the local Buddhist center, on such a date at such a time. At the bottom of the note read, “Let me know if you want to go. Here’s my number, give me a call. [Regular].”)

    Scary Movies

    | Bloomington, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a semi-regular that’s fairly creepy, but always super chatty. One night, as I’m cleaning the popcorn popper, he comes up to concessions without my noticing. One of my coworkers gets my attention and I go to help him.)

    Semi-Regular: “I was thinkin’ about scarin’ you, but he got your attention before I decided.”

    Me: “Oh, I don’t scare easily.”

    Semi-Regular: “Clearly you don’t know me very well.”

    Sugar And Spice And Naughty And Nice

    | Bloomfield Hills, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Movies & TV

    Customer: *after purchasing tickets and popcorn* “And I need to get my husband a drink. Give me a bottle of water. Or… what do you have that’s not naughty?”

    Me: “Um, naughty like… ‘sex on the beach?’”

    Customer: “No. Just without any high-fructose crap. Saccharine is fine, aspartame isn’t…”

    (She begins to look at the options in our cooler as her husband, wearing a ‘live free or die’ hat, enters.)

    Customer: “Get something to drink. Something not naughty.”

    Customer’s Husband: *to me* “You got Coke products?”

    Me: “Yes. We have fountain drinks which have HFCS, and the bottled drinks are all cane sugar. So they aren’t, um, quite as naughty.”

    Customer: “Oh, he’ll just have a bottle of water.”

    Me: “Okay. So that’s two bottles of water? One for him and one for you?”

    Customer’s Husband:  ”I think I’ll have a Cherry Coke.”

    Customer: “Cherry Coke? What are you, 12?”

    Customer’s Husband:  ”We’re at a movie!”

    Customer: “But it’s NAUGHTY!”

    Customer’s Husband:  ”Fine. Make it a small.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ll be in the theater while you’re getting diabetes! WITH MY WATER!”

    (I prepare the Cherry Coke for him and ring it up.)

    Me: “Live free or die, man. Here’s your drink.”

    That Price Is Politically Incorrect

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Politics

    (I am working the concessions stand at a movie theater in a very affluent neighborhood, in early 2009.)

    Customer: “How much for a small popcorn?”

    Me: “$5.50.”

    Customer: “THAT much? Wow. Well, that’s what we get for electing Obama.”

    Me: “I was unaware that the President of the United States took time out of his schedule to set popcorn prices.”

    (I’ve been back to this theater recently and prices have actually gone up. THANKS, OBAMA!)

    Hot Coffee Is Cold Comfort

    | IL, USA | Crazy Requests

    (It is the coldest day our area has had in decades, with wind chills reaching -50. Regardless, our theater is still relatively busy.)

    Customer: *while walking the opposite direction from me down a hallway* “You should give us free popcorn or something because we came out here in this cold!”

    Me: “Sir, unlike me, you came here willingly. I’d rather be home, but I’m working because you’re here.”

    Coworker: “You should have told him that they should be bringing us free coffee for having to deal with them!”


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