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  • He Is Tea Total

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I work in a deluxe cinema, where we provide waiting service in the screen. The trailers are on, and it’s quite loud. I’m serving an elderly couple.)

    Me: “And what would you like to drink, sir?”

    Husband: “Tea!”

    Me: “Is that English breakfast?”

    Husband: “No! Tea!”

    Me: “Yes, but is that the normal English tea?”

    Husband: *sighs heavily* “No! Tea!”

    Wife: “He’s asking what kind of tea you want, you tit!”

    Insert Subtitle Here

    | New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Top

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: *says something unintelligible*

    Me: “Pardon, sorry?”

    Customer: *unintelligible* “…flat white…” *unintelligible*

    Me: “Oh, a flat white? Sure, that’s $4.50, please.”

    Customer: *seems to ask something unintelligible*

    Me: “Pardon, sorry?”

    Customer: *says something unintelligible again, irritated*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t understand what you’re saying at all.”

    Customer: “Oh! I forgot that I was talking Swedish. I wanted to know if the flat white is in a small or medium cup.”

    Me: “Oh, thank goodness! I thought I was going crazy!”

    Assembling Your Change

    | Leicester, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (I am in the queue for popcorn. A young red-headed woman wearing a ‘Stark Industries’ t-shirt is ahead of me. She get’s her snacks and moves away.)

    Cashier: “Hey, miss! Excuse me!”

    (She’s fiddling with two drinks and a large popcorn and doesn’t seem to notice him calling her. He comes around the counter.)

    Cashier: “Excuse me! Hey! Miss Potts!”

    (This gets her and she half turns around.)

    Cashier: “Miss Potts, you forgot your change.”

    Red Head: “Oh, thank you!”

    Cashier: “Will that be all Miss Potts?”

    Red Head: “That will be all, Mr. Stark.”

    (She gives him a nod and a smile and moves off. He comes back behind the counter and turns to me, then laughs. I am wearing a Captain America T shirt.)

    Cashier: “And what can I get for you, Captain Rogers?”

    Has A (Com)Plain Agenda

    | New Zealand | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a small art house cinema. I am standing at the podium ripping tickets when an older man approaches me and immediately begins yelling at me.)

    Customer: “How am I supposed to know what’s showing? There’s no information anywhere!”

    (I point to the big red electronic sign above the counter.)

    Me: “All of the movies showing tonight are displayed up there, sir.”

    (The customer looks up and points at an abbreviated title.)

    Customer: “That useless! What’s Lord of the Ri supposed to be? How am I supposed to know what that is!?!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we also have these printed schedules which include the full movie titles and all the times showing this week.”

    Customer: “Well, what good is that?! I want to know what the films are about and it doesn’t tell me anywhere! You seriously need to do something about this!”

    Me: “The schedules include a brief synopsis, and there are also more detailed descriptions displayed on that board over there.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s no good to me! What about the films that are coming soon?”

    Me: “There are posters all around the foyer here with that information. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    (The man launches in to a tirade about god knows what and I have work to do, so I take the opportunity to disappear through the crowd. To my dismay, I turn around a few seconds later to find him right behind me, and at this point he continues yelling.)

    Customer: “AND YOUR CARPET IS RUBBISH!”

    Just Bagging For Trouble

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at the box office of a cinema. A middle-aged lady approaches.)

    Customer: *politely* “One ticket for [film], please.”

    Me: “No problem!”

    (I print her ticket, but then realise I have accidentally printed the wrong performance time. She is holding out her hand expectantly.)

    Me: “My apologies, but I have accidentally printed the wrong ticket. Just give me a moment and I’ll have this fixed for you.”

    Customer: *with absolutely no warning and in a high pitched squeal* “HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME!”

    (The customer then proceeds to whack me with her handbag and storm out of the lobby. My coworkers who witnessed it share the same bemused expression as I do. A few months pass and this same customer returns several times, all without incident. One evening she approaches my coworker.)

    Customer: “A ticket for [film], please.”

    Coworker: “Absolutely, I—”

    (He looks ups and sees who it is, panics slightly, causing his hand to spasm and press the wrong button. The wrong ticket comes out. The rest of his coworkers and I are watching intently.)

    Coworker: “I… I… I’m sorry but—”

    Customer: *again with zero warning* “SABOTAGE! WHY DO YOU SABOTAGE ME!”

    (This is followed by handbag attack and then swift exit. At this point we have it worked out that the customer is perfectly pleasant in the whole transaction, unless something goes slightly wrong, which for some reason she just can’t handle. A little more time goes by, and I am talking with three of my coworkers at the box office.)

    Coworker: “So anyway, what are—”

    (His voice trails off and his eyes go wide, I follow his line of sight and see her slowly approaching the box office. I turn back and see my coworker PHYSICALLY HIDING UNDER HIS DESK. I turn and see my two other coworkers have done the same.)

    Me: “Seriously?”

    Coworker: *whispering* “This is the arrangement we have now when dealing with… with HER.”

    (The customer approaches me, as the only visible box office worker.)

    Customer: “One ticket for [film], please.”

    (I carefully ensure I listen to get every word, and press the correct button to print the correct ticket. I successfully do so and breathe a sigh of relief when the ticket is produced from the machine. This is short-lived when in a case of truly awful timing, the machine breaks down and rips the ticket in half as it is printed.)

    Me: “Ah… s***.”

    Customer: *screams* *handbag attack* *leaves*

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