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    Acting Like The Hair Apparent

    | VA, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a black woman, and I have natural hair, meaning there are no chemicals in it to make it straight. The customer in this story is a white woman, and she is the only one in the lobby.)

    Me: “Welcome to [movie theater]. Will that be all for you today?”

    Customer: *looks at me disdainfully*

    Me: “Ma’am, is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Is all of that under your cap your hair?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Why do you have so much?”

    Me: “I’m Haitian. We typically have very thick hair.”

    Customer: “Do you wash it?”

    Me: “…Of course. I actually washed it last night.”

    Customer: “It looks dirty. Why isn’t it straight? It looks unprofessional like that.”

    Me: “My hair is naturally kinky. I’d have to get a relaxer for it to be—”

    (Without warning, the customer reaches out, knocks my hat off, and shoves her hands all through my hair.)

    Me: *swats her hands away* “EXCUSE YOU!”

    Customer: “What? I wanted to see what it felt like.”

    Me: “And you felt no need to ask me if it was okay to enter my body space?”

    Customer: “Not really. I figured it was okay. I mean, it’s just hair. It’s not like it’s your boob or a body part or anything.”

    Me: “It is, and I don’t care to be touched. Please don’t.”

    Customer: “I was just curious!”

    Me: “But you could have asked. I’m still a person.”

    Customer: “No you’re not! You work here, and that means I get to do whatever I want to you because I’m paying you!”

    Me: “Actually, [manager] pays me, and I will call him to escort you out if you don’t finish your transaction and return to your theater.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want to buy anything now because you don’t want me to touch your hair!”

    Me: *voids transaction* “Please leave your items on the counter and enjoy your show!”

    (She walks off to a manager, calls me uppity, and demands I be reprimanded for refusing to let her touch me. The manager kicked her out without refund.)

    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 3

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Where do we get the glasses for [film]?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We don’t have it in 3D here.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Our theater doesn’t have 3D capability, so it’s just in 2D.”

    Customer: “What’s 2D?”

    Me: “It’s two-dimensional. You know, flat.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand. We don’t get glasses?”

    Me: “No, it’s just a regular film.”

    Customer: “I’m still not getting it.”

    Coworker: *overhearing* “It’s not in 3D.”

    Customer: “Oh! Okay.”

    Related:
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 2
    Get A Life
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity

    A (Po)Lite Snack

    | NM, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (The theater I work at is cheap; the tickets are roughly half-price of the regular theaters. We get a lot of families, children and seniors, but have recently had a rash of extremely rude children. I’m working concession when a young boy—about 7 years old—comes up with his Mother. He takes a long time reviewing the menu and prices, so I ask him if I can help.)

    Boy: “I need to buy snacks, please. I have $9.”

    Me: “$9 is a great amount! Let’s see what we can get for you.”

    Boy: “Hmmm. May I have a water, please?”

    Me: “Of course, but if you’d like, I could sell you a cup instead. The water is $2.50; the cup is $0.25 and you can refill it as much as you’d like.”

    (He agrees to get the ice cup, and starts counting his money on the counter.)

    Boy: “Ma’am? Thank you for your suggestion about the cup!”

    (Stunned that this small child is so polite and well-spoken, I turn around to see if his mom is coaching him. She’s not.)

    Me: “You’re very welcome, young man! What else may I get for you?”

    (The boy thinks a little at this point, looking at the candy case.)

    Boy: “Every month I take my mom on a date. I already took her to dinner, then we got ice cream, and now I’m taking her to a movie! I need to make sure I treat her right!”

    Me: “That’s so thoughtful! You are a wonderful son, and a very polite young man!”

    Boy: “I love my mom. She’s the best!” *smiles*

    (Moved by his thoughtfulness, his manners, and his absolutely charming smile, I decide to help him out a bit.)

    Me: “Okay, here you are: your cup, a popcorn and a candy. It’ll be $3.25.”

    Boy: *confused look* “Okay?”

    (He hands me $4 after I assure him that his total is $3.25, so I start ringing him up.)

    Boy: “Ma’am? Can you keep the change for yourself as a tip?”

    (My heart melts at this. I did keep the change, but I put it toward the remaining $3.25 I hadn’t charged him, and then covered the rest out of my own pocket. He thanked me again and walked off hand-in-hand with his mom. All of the employees were tickled to see this little boy on his ‘date’ with Mom, and were very glad we were able help by paying for part of his concession but also get to let him feel like a grown-up by paying for part of his snacks. Later, as he’s leaving, I see him putting his trash into the can in the lobby. He sees me and begins to wave.)

    Boy: *waving* “Have a very good night!”

    Rated I For Immature, Part 3

    | NY, USA | Movies & TV

    (Two older women have come in to see a popular, R-rated film. They are quite giddy and cheerful.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

    Customer #1: “Two senior tickets for [film], please!”

    Customer #2: “I’m paying! Don’t let her pay, it’s her birthday!”

    Customer #1: “No, I’ve got it!”

    Customer #2: *moves between her friend and me* “No, I’m paying!” *she pays* “Don’t mind us, we’ve just escaped from the nursing home.”

    Customer #1: “Don’t tell our kids we’re here!”

    (I smile, and they go to their movie. An hour and a half later, I see them walking out, quiet and looking stunned.)

    Customer #1: “We are not telling our kids we saw that!”

    Related:
    Rated I For Immature, Part 2
    Rated I For Immature

    Seeing Red

    | NY, USA | Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (Two customers approach the concession stand.)

    Customer: “I’d like a small red slushie.”

    Me: “All right, I’ll be right back with that!”

    (I go around the corner and try to get him his drink. The machine is working poorly, and I can’t get anything to come out. I pull the lever as hard as I can, with no success.)

    Me: *to my manager* “I think we have a problem.”

    (As soon as I say it, the slushie explodes out of the machine, covering me from head to toe and spreading over about a third of the concession stand. I stand there dumbfounded for a moment, then grab a paper towel, wipe off the cup, and bring it back around to the customer, who is obviously trying not to laugh.)

    Me: *to his friend* “And can I get you anything?”

    Customer’s Friend: *grinning* “Yes. A small red slushie, please!”

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