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  • So Slow It Hertz, Part 2

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I’m working box office today, and it’s been a really long, busy day. After so many hours, the registers sometimes lag a bit during transactions. We’re finally slowing down a bit, and the lines are pretty much gone.)

    Me: “Alright, so you wanted two tickets for Silver Linings Playbook?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I hit the buttons for her tickets, but the computer freezes up a bit.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. My computer is being slow right now.”

    Customer: *gasps* “You take that back!”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “Everyone knows ‘slow’ is not politically correct! Your computer is ‘mentally impaired’!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s a computer…”

    Customer: “And I suppose next you’ll say it’s retarded?! You people are so insensitive; it makes me sick!”

    (I’m speechless, so I hand her the tickets as quickly as possible.)

    Me: “E-enjoy your show.”

    (She takes the tickets and shakes her head, glaring at me, before walking away. The next customer comes up to me.)

    Customer #2: “What the heck was she going on about?”

    Me: “I don’t know, but apparently my computer is mentally impaired and not slow.”

    So Slow It Hertz

    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Movies & TV

    (I am at the ticket counter in the lobby, when a customer leaves her movie, and wanders outside to take a call. A few moments later she pokes her head back in to SHOUT at us.)

    Customer: “When is it over?”

    Coworker: “When is what over?”

    Customer: *disgusted sigh* “THE MOVIE!”

    (The theaters are not visible from the ticket counter.)

    Coworker: “Which movie?”

    Customer: “Ugh! THE ONE I CAME FROM!”

    Coworker: “Which was?”

    Customer: “Um… DiGiorno…”

    Me:Django Unchained?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    (The customer gets her information, and goes back outside to take her phone calls again.)

    Me: *to coworker* “Because it’s not delivery, it’s Django?”

    I’d Like Nachos With Extra Photoshop Please

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our concessions stands have digital menu boards, and our food and drink advertisements play every once in a while. A customer is next in line and comes to my register.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large drink and nachos.”

    (I get her drink, and bring her the nachos. The nachos are pre-packed, and as soon as I give them to her, she opens them and looks disgusted.)

    Customer: “I don’t want these nachos! The chips are too small! I wanted the larger nachos!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we only have one size, which are what I gave you. Did you want to try any other hot food?”

    Customer: “No, I want large nachos! What about those?! I want those nachos!”

    (The customer points to our screen, which is showing the nacho advertisement.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; that’s the digital screen, displaying an ad for our nachos.”

    Customer: “But those nachos look bigger!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; they’re the same size as the nachos I gave you. The camera is zoomed in to show texture.”

    (The customer has a dumbfounded look on her face, and quietly leaves.)

    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 4

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

    (I am working at the customer service counter. A middle-aged couple walks up, their 3D glasses still in the packaging.)

    Me: “Hi there! Can I help you?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, we’re seeing [popular 3D movie], and the screen is very blurry!”

    Me: “Hmm, that’s strange; usually the 3D glasses merge the images just fine. Let me call my manager, and see if something is wrong.”

    Customer #2: “But it should be clear even without the glasses. We can’t wear them!”

    Me: “Oh, well you have to wear the glasses with this version; otherwise you won’t be able to see the movie clearly, and will get a wicked headache from it.”

    Customer #1: *snottily* “Well, we have a medical condition that doesn’t allow us to see 3D. We’ve watched movies before without the glasses on just fine.”

    Me: “If you’d like, there is a non-3D version playing in about 30 minutes. I can refund you the surcharge for the 3D one, and then you don’t have to wear the glasses to watch it.”

    Customer #2: “If we wanted to go to the non-3D showing, then we would have gone to that one. Just because this showing is in 3D doesn’t mean I should have to watch it in 3D. I want a refund!”

    (My manager by now has heard the whole conversation, and refunds the order for the couple, who then storm out of the theater.)

    Manager: *to me* “If you know you have a medical condition that makes it so you can’t see 3D, then why—”

    Me: “I have no idea.”

    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 3
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 2
    Get A Life
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity

    Lactose And Intolerant

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bigotry, Movies & TV

    (The movie ‘Milk’ has just come out. A man approaches the ticket box.)

    Customer: “I demand a refund!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; what’s wrong?”

    Customer: “I just saw Milk, what the h***? That movie was an outrage! I had no idea it was about that s***! Give me my money back!”

    Me: “Sir, did you read the movie description before you bought the ticket?”

    Customer: “No! Why should I?! The movie was supposed to be about what the title says!”

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