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    One Large Popcorn, Extra Salty

    | Aldershot, England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am working the concessions counter for the evening. It’s been a hectic shift when two customers in their 20s approach me.)

    Me: “How can I help today?”

    Male Customer: “Hey, yeah, can we get a large popcorn and a small popcorn? And uh, can you do us a favour? This is going to sound really weird…”

    Me: “Go for it!”

    Male Customer: “Well, uh. My friend and I have been playing jokes on each other for a while, and I was wondering if you could help out?”

    Me: “Uh… yeah, sure.”

    Male Customer: “Great! Could you uh, put this in the small popcorn and cover it with the popcorn so my friend cant see it?”

    (The female customer pulls out a rather large adult toy from her handbag and hands it to me as discreetly as possible – at this point I couldn’t help but laugh or deal with the customer by myself.)

    Me: “Hey, uh, [Coworker], do you think this will fit in a small popcorn bag?”

    (My coworker walks over looking mortified.)

    Coworker: “If you want to successfully hide that, I would really suggest a large popcorn.”

    Male Customer: “Okay! Change the small to a large please!”

    (I took the object behind the counter so no one could see and filled up the bag as requested and processed their order.)

    Woman Customer: “I’m really sorry. They’ve been doing this for a while now.”

    Me: *still laughing at this point* “No, no, it’s okay. This is probably the best thing to happen whilst working here. I hope it turns out all right!”

    (After they left my coworker and I had to take a moment to stop laughing and then we had to tell other coworkers and supervisors about it. To this day, I still don’t know if it was against policy or if a manager saw, but those two customers made that shift so much better!)

    Causing Bay-hem

    | Syracuse, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (Unfortunately, customers often receive gift cards from another popular chain of movie theaters as gifts, as they are sold in retail stores as preloaded gift cards. So we often get this sort of thing.)

    Customer: “Two for [Movie], please!”

    (The customer places a gift card for our competitor on the register.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are [Theater], not [Competitor], so I cannot accept this card.”

    Customer: “You’re kidding, right? My grandma got this for me! It says right on it ‘cinemas.’ See?”

    (Shoves gift card in my face.)

    Customer: “CIN-E-MAAAAS. Right there. And it’s all going to the movie company anyway, so you should take it.”

    Me: “I can’t accept gift cards for another theater. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because your grandma paid money to our competitor for this gift card, and you’d be getting tickets from us for free.”

    Customer: “But the movie company will pay you back.”

    Me: “That’s not how this works, sir.”

    Customer: “Give me the number for the movie company.”

    Me: “I don’t have that, sir.”

    Customer: “Yes, you do! They pay you to work here. Give me the number of the movie company!”

    Me: “[Theater] pays me to work here. I can give you their corporate number if you wish.”

    Customer: “Yes! GOD!”

    (I give him the number to corporate and proceed to hear him yelling into the phone that he wanted to speak to ‘Steven Spielberg or Michael Bay or one of those guys.’ The worst part? Just to shut him up, they authorized a free replacement gift card for him, which I was forced to honor at that time, and the whole time the man was mumbling about how he was right and ‘at least the directors understood him.’)

    Situation Goes South (Park) Very Quickly

    | Tabernacle, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (The year is 1998. The South Park movie just came out and tons of kids attempting to sneak in to see it. I’m now seeing a mother and son.)

    Mother: “Hey, I’d like two tickets for South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut please.”

    (I look at the son, who appears to be no older than five years old.)

    Me: “Um… ma’am. I’d hate to inform you, but this movie is not suitable for your child as it’s rated-R.”

    Mother: “Why not?”

    Me: “First off, even though it’s a cartoon, it’s NOT made for kids as it’s filled with swearing, offensive humor, and general themes not appropriate for kids. Second, South Park is well known by many parents throughout the state for its controversy.”

    Mother: “I don’t care. It’s a cartoon, so it’s for kids.”

    Kid: “Yeah! Adults are too old for cartoons.”

    Me: *sigh* “Enjoy the show…”

    (20 minutes later, the parent shows up again with her kid, visibly angry.)

    Mother: “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THIS WASN’T A KIDS’ MOVIE?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I told you explicitly that this wasn’t for kids, but you ignored me as ‘cartoons are only for kids.’”

    Kid: “MOM! TAKE ME BACK TO THE F****** MOVIE, YOU UNCLE F********!”

    Mother: “You do not use that language with me, [Kid]! GET ME THE MANAGER NOW!”

    Me: “Okay!”

    Manager: “What’s the problem here, [My Name]?”

    Me: “This woman is rather mad here?”

    Manager: “Okay, what’s up?”

    Mother: “This movie was not suitable for my child!”

    Manager: “Which one?”

    Son: “TAKE ME BACK TO WATCH THE F****** SOUTH PARK F****** MOVIE, MOMMY!”

    Manager: “I think that answers my question. Ma’am, I believe [My Name] did tell you that this movie is not suitable for your child.”

    Mother: “It’s a d*** cartoon. It should be for kids only. That’s made to corrupt the youth!” *she then hits the manager with her purse*

    Manager: “Ma’am, please refrain from unruly behavior.”

    (She then punches me in the face, and starts to harass me verbally.)

    Manager: “I’ve had enough. GET OUT!”

    Mother: “Why the h*** should I?! Give me back my f****** money, b****!”

    Manager: “You’re harassing us and you’ve hurt my employee. Now get out or else I’ll call the police and you will be banned from the theater!”

    Mother: “I think you’re mistaken.”

    (She then attacked other customers. We called the police and she was arrested. She was sentenced to a month in jail.)

    Making A Mockingjay Out Of You

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

    (I’m working in the box office on a slow night.)

    Customer: *after movie gets out* “Can I get a refund? That movie was horrible! I hated the ending!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What did you see?”

    Customer:  ”Catching Fire. It just ended! How am I supposed to know what happens next? It was getting really good and then it just stopped. I don’t understand why they would do that!”

    Me: “Oh, well there is actually another movie coming out. It’s originally based on a book trilogy; Catching Fire is based off of the second book.”

    Customer: “So that’s not the end?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, the next movie will probably be out in a couple years.”

    Customer: “So it’s like Breaking Dawn?”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Customer: “Oh, that makes so much more sense! Bye!”

    It’s Time To Show Them The Door

    | Denver, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work at a movie theater that has its last show times at 10:30. We close 30 minutes after the last show time. A group of customers show up right at 11 and try to open our locked doors. Instead of realizing that we are closed, they start banging on the door to be let in. I try to ignore it, but my coworker gives in and opens the door for them.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we are closed for the night.”

    Customer: “No, you’re not; you have a show time of 1 am for [Popular Movie] right there on your screen.”

    Coworker: “Actually that was for 1 pm, not 1 am. We close at 11.”

    Customer: “But your board says 1 am! Right there, look.”

    Coworker: “I am sorry for the confusion, but that is definitely not for 1 am. We don’t have staff here past 12 at night to sell tickets.”

    Customer: “Then why did you open the door?”

    Coworker: “I opened the door to tell you we are closed.”

    Customer: “But you opened the door! If you open it, doesn’t that mean you are open?”

    Coworker: “Um…”

    (I step in at this point.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I am very sorry, but we honestly don’t have any times past 10:30 at night.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just turn the projector on for us to watch the movie?”

    Me: “No, we can’t, because our systems are automated. We have very little control on when the movies get played.”

    Customer: “Then why did you open the door! You really shouldn’t open the door for someone if you are closed.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t want to be rude, but you were practically banging our door down.”

    Customer: “Because I didn’t know you were closed! How was I supposed to know that you were closed?”

    Me: “Because the door was locked?”

    Customer: “But I didn’t know it was locked!”

    Me: “But you couldn’t open the door…”

    Customer: “I thought it was stuck or something!”

    Me: “But not locked?”

    Customer: “Yes! Why is this so hard for you to understand?!”

    (The customer storms off with her group. She then turns back.)

    Customer: “Lock your d*** door next time!”

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