Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver
    (1,824 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    No Aptitude For Latitude

    | Table Mountain, South Africa |

    (I am a customer standing behind a couple, obviously from overseas. The ticket lady had just told them that the cable car is out of order because it’s being serviced.)

    Customer: “That’s unacceptable! We’ve come all the way to see the top of Table Mountain!”

    (I see that the ticket lady is tired of explaining the same thing over and over, so I chip in.)

    Me: “They have to service the cable car because it’s off-season. They don’t want people to get hurt if the cable car breaks.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s summer where we come from!”

    We Are The Law

    | Birmingham, UK |

    (I’m helping at a comics show. Nearby are two men dressed in costumes as street judges from the comic Judge Dredd. A customer runs up to my store, clearly flustered.)

    Customer: “I need help, I lost my drawing!”

    Me: “A drawing? What type of drawing?”

    Customer: “The artist at the signing table did a drawing of Spiderman for me and I lost it! I need the police!”

    Me: “Okay, did you put it down at a stand or anything?”

    Customer: “Yes…no. No, I think it was stolen.”

    Me: “Somebody actually took it from you?”

    Customer: “No, but, hey!” *looks and points at the street judges* “They’ll help me! Hey, guys!”

    (The two judges come over to us at the desk.)

    Judge Dredd: “What’s the matter?”

    Me: “It’s okay, don’t worry. This man’s just lost a drawing.”

    Customer: “I didn’t lose it, it was stolen. I want you guys to go find it.”

    Judge Minty: “You serious?”

    Customer: “Yes! Go! This b**** is useless!”

    (Judge Dredd suddenly pulls big, obviously fake, gun from holster and points it at the customer.)

    Judge Dredd: “You really want to talk to the lady like that?”

    Customer: “Ahhh!” *runs away into exhibit hall*

    (About forty minutes, later the same customer comes back to my desk clutching a rolled up sketch. He’s eyeing the main doors, in front of which the two judges are posing for photos.)

    Customer, to me: “Um, is there another exit?”

    Just Follow The Purple Brick Road

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (At the bike rental shop where I work, we usually give customers a map of the area to know the route they’re taking.)

    Customer: “Which of these routes do we take?”

    Me: “You’re going to follow the bike path. It’s the purple one on your map.”

    Customer: “Oh, perfect!” *to her friends* “We just have to look for a purple trail!”

    Living On The Edge Vs. Driving Off Of It

    | Nevada, USA |

    Customer: “I get to drive my own buggy, right?”

    Me: “Yep. Of course, you are guided, but that’s only because the instructors know where the cliffs are. You’ll be chasing one.”

    Customer: “A guide? I’ll be chasing a guide? What if he goes over a cliff?”

    Me: “Well, they always keep groups away from the cliffs.”

    Customer: “But what if I want to go over a cliff?”

    Me: “If that’s the case, I don’t think we can take a check for your damage deposit.”

    By Doing Nothing, The Problem Has Resolved Itself

    | Vienna, Austria |

    (I’m part of a small animation company. One project in particular was assigned to me alone, forcing me to deal with two customers. A specification nightmare waiting to happen, but I still accepted it. This happened at a meeting relatively far along, with work close to being finished.)

    Me: “So, that’s the current state. I still have to add in details, but that’s not an issue within the deadline.”

    Customer 1: “Looks great to me already. Looking forward to the final product…just one gripe.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer 1: “The animation runs too slowly.”

    (I’m confused, as I made it pretty fast already. Customer 2 pipes up.)

    Customer 2: “What? No! It is way too fast!”

    (I try to interrupt the beginning squabble, but am not successful. The two customers squabble for a full fifteen minutes whether it is too slow or too fast.)

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer 1 and 2: *still squabbling*

    Me: “Excuse me! I’ve got another meeting in fifteen, so may I make a suggestion?”

    Customer 1 and 2: *simultaneously* “Yes?”

    Me: “How about we compromise and leave the speed as it is?”

    (The looks the two of them exchanged were golden, as if that thought had never crossed their mind. It’s one of those rare cases I got it my way…)


    Page 3/3123