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    Yukon Not Believe This Juan, Part 2

    | Richmond, VA, USA | Canada, Military

    (Canadian Army Reservists go to Fort Pickett in Virginia to train with the National Guard. I am in the last flight out of the U.S. and back to Nova Scotia. I am in my uniform, waiting for to be processed through security when a fellow traveler approaches me.)

    Traveler: “Thank you so much for protecting us! We are so proud of the bravery of soldiers defending the United States!”

    Me: “Thank you ma’am, but I’m not an American. I’m from the Canadian Army.”

    (She looks confused, so I point to the small Canadian flag on my shoulder.)

    Me: “You know, your friendly neighbours to the north?”

    Traveler: “Oh! Mexico!”

    Yukon Not Believe This Juan

    Military In-Action

    | USA | Books & Reading

    (I work in the library at one of the Military Academies. As such, 90% of our students are military members, all in uniform. A student walks in immediately following me as I unlock the doors.)

    Me: “We don’t open until 7:30.”

    Student: “But I need to print something out.”

    Me: “The printers aren’t on yet, and have no paper in them. Come back at 7:30.”

    Student: “Not even for your country!?”

    Me: “No…”

    When Common Sense Goes Naval Gazing

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (I serve on a Canadian Naval vessel, and while on an exercise our ship comes alongside in New York and offers tours to any civilians who wish to see the ship. I am on duty when a group of Americans come on board for a tour. At the end of the tour, one gentleman comes up to me.)

    Tourist: “Excuse me, when does the ship leave?”

    Me: “We’re in port for another two days before we head back to sea, sir.”

    Tourist: “But we’re here today. Can’t we take the tour now?”

    Me: “I beg your pardon, sir? Didn’t you just take the tour?”

    Tourist: “We saw the ship, but when do we go to [town the ship is named after]?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir, but the tours are of the ship only.”

    Tourist: “But when do you sail to [town name]?”

    Me: “Well, we actually can’t, sir, because that town isn’t on the ocean.”

    Tourist: “Well, that’s stupid! How are we supposed to sail there? Never mind, where is the ship going next then, and when do we have to be here?”

    Me: “Well, if you’d like to watch us leave, we will be shoving off around 10 o’clock on Sunday, sir.”

    Tourist: “And where are we going then?”

    Me: “Well, I can’t disclose where the ship is sailing next due to operational security, sir.”

    Tourist: “Then how are we supposed to get back?”

    (Thankfully at this point the man’s wife jumps in.)

    Tourist’s Wife: “This isn’t a cruise you moron! We just came to see the ship!”

    Tourist: *to me* “Well why didn’t you say that? Are you Canadians all stupid or something? No wonder we beat the s*** out of you in the war! If you didn’t surrender to everyone that waved a gun at you, you probably wouldn’t be so stupid!”

    (The tourist storms off the ship.)

    Tourist’s Wife: “I…um…yeah. May I have one of those free hats, please?”

    When Judgment Is Clouded

    | Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Military

    (We give weather forecast information for Royal Air Force aircrew officers for fast jet flying.)

    Caller: “Hi this is flying officer [name] with [squadron]. I need the weather for 5 hours time on the west coast.”

    Me: “So that’s the forecast pressure, wind and cloud cover?”

    Caller: “No, I don’t want the forecast conditions. I want the actual weather for 5 hours ahead.”

    Me: “I can only do actuals for what’s happened, but I can give my best forecast.”

    Caller: “No, that’s not good enough. I don’t want forecasts. I want to know what’s going to actually happen!”

    (Someone else takes the call.)

    Caller 2: “Hi this is [squadron] navigator. Sorry about that. Can I get the forecast conditions for him, please?”

    The Aircraft Carrier Kind of Gives It Away

    | Maryland, USA | Military

    (This was at a government office on a Navy base.)

    Me: “***Program Office, *** speaking. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “Can I speak to the homeowner?”

    Me: “Sir, this is a naval base, not a residence.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?!”

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