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Her Constipación Is Making Her Estúpido!

, , , , , | Right | March 6, 2024

I am a tour guide in Central America. I’ve taken a small group of American women travelling together on a week-long itinerary to a restaurant that specializes in local cuisine that is hard to find in most places in the USA. They’re all enjoying the meal, except one.

Me: “[Tourist], are you okay? Do you not like the food?”

Tourist: “I’m fine, thanks.”

I notice that she has started to munch on a protein bar.

Me: “Are you not feeling well?”

Tourist: *Sternly* “I’m fine, thanks!

I leave it for now, and we continue our tour. I notice the entire day that she eats only from a small duffel bag of protein bars. I am now worried that we’ve neglected to take account of any dietary requirements, and I bring this up with her.

Tourist: “No, it’s just I don’t trust any of this local food!”

Me: “I assure you that we are only going to highly-regarded and well-maintained restaurants. They’re perfectly safe for—”

Tourist: “It’s all Mexican food!”

Me: “Well, yes, we’re in Mexico. But we’ve also been to a wide range of eateries, not just Mexican, such as—”

Tourist: “Yes, but they’re all in Mexico! Look, I’ll be fine! Just do the tour!”

By day four, she was complaining of stomach cramps, and her farts were so bad that I thought they would strip the paint off the interior of the bus. I had to help her find a McDonald’s or something so that she would eat actual food.

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His Constipación Is Making Him Estúpido!

You Just Missed Out. Believe It!

, , , , , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: SalvaPot | December 5, 2023

I run an anime/geek store, and we are really lenient with pre-orders. We used to not require a deposit to make an order, and in case you needed more time to pick up an item, all you had to do was ask. We could also hold the items for as long as needed in our storage if you wanted to gather a lot of items so you could save on trips or shipping.

Back in February, Funko released a special edition figure of Naruto Hokage. This one in particular had a one-in-six Chase variant (a rare variant of a common figure, with a slightly different design) that reached a resale value of up to $130. But the way I do pre-orders is that if you order six of the same piece, you are guaranteed a Chase. But if you only order one, you still get a one-in-six chance of getting the Chase. I just mix them up in random boxes and do a public stream raffle on social media, so everyone knows who won the Chase, and I get good publicity.

A client ordered just one and left $5 as a deposit; the piece was $15. This particular client won the raffle (along with several other clients), but he wasn’t that interested in picking it up or paying for the rest of it. I sent him a message letting him know that he had won the special variant and had a week to pay for it or he would lose his pre-order. At first, he was angry.

Client: “I want the normal version, not this yellow thing!”

Me: “We can change it if you want, but this one is far more valuable.”

He stepped away from the phone for a moment and then came back.

Client: “I asked my son, and he wants it anyway. But I need more time to pay.”

We gave him one more week. Then he asked for another week. And another.

Then, we had to close the store for a time — you know, for 2020 reasons. We told the client that we had to close, but we could still schedule an appointment to give him his item or wait until the worst passed. He never answered.

Eventually, we were able to reopen the store with regulations in place. We sent him another message telling him we could save the figure for as long as needed in these strange times. He still didn’t answer the messages, but eventually, he arrived at the store and demanded his money back, citing how we were in the middle of what was going on (fair) and he couldn’t waste money on frivolous plastic (also fair).

Me: “Are you sure? This figure is selling for nearly $150, and you just have to pay the retail price: $10 more.” *Shows him the current selling price*

Client: “I’m sure you’ve just made up those numbers. I ordered the figure for my son, but he doesn’t deserve it. I just want — no, I demand my money back!”

Me: “Fine, I’ll give you your money back. Also, I’ll just put this figure out for sale.”

Client: “Whatever, just give me my money.”

I made a point to grab a sticky note (I use them to put prices on items to avoid damaging the box), write in big, black letters, “$90 bucks, last one”, and put it on the glass window that leads to the street. I could see the client watching while I did this.

While my employee was giving the client his five bucks back and giving him a receipt, a young man knocked on the door. Per [health crisis] practices, I gave him some cleaning goo, checked his temperature, and let him in. He immediately asked to buy the Naruto CHASE figure. The angry client’s eyes went wide open over his mask as I picked up the figure and guided the young man to the desk, where he handed me the bills one by one.

The angry man stood there shocked as the younger man gushed about how hard that figure was to get and how he was getting it for half the price other places were asking for — and in such perfect condition, too. I couldn’t have had a better reaction even if I’d paid him for it!

The young man completed his purchase and left as fast as he’d come in. The angry man looked at me, almost as if accusing me of taking advantage of him.

Me: “Well, you got your money back. I’m happy that you are happy. If you need anything else, please let me know, and stay safe out there.”

The man didn’t have much else to say and just left. It was kind of a small and silly thing for me to feel good about, but 2020 hit us so hard that any unexpected profit was cause for celebration, so we celebrated that good sale with some (instant) ramen, Naruto style.

This Ain’t Just A Fluke!

, , , , , , | Right | October 10, 2023

My husband used to work for an American company. We were invited to Presidents Week — a week-long beano for “high-fliers” at a five-star beach resort in Mexico.

One day, we went on a boat trip across a huge bay to an island, where we rode the most placid horses in the world to a waterfall-fed swimming hole and then on to a shallow beach for lunch, sunbathing, and a little light snorkelling, before returning to the boat. It was an okay day — pleasant enough.

Until, on the way back…

Out on the bay, a fluke (a whale’s tail) was spotted right in our path. Then another. And another, and another. A huge pod of humpback whales — around forty —was suddenly just… there.

It gets better. They started breaching — that “jump” up into the air, to come crashing back down into the water. They started small but built up and up until up to seven whales were fully out of the water at a time.

We kept our distance and just watched. It wasn’t safe (for us or the whales) to try to continue, as we had no idea where the next one was coming from. It was possibly the most exhilarating sight of my life.

My husband and I were quietly chatting with the English-speaking local guide and the crew. He’d been a guide on this sort of trip for twenty-four years, some of them had been doing it longer, and the captain was a man easily well into his eighties who had spent his entire life out on the water. None of them had ever seen anything like it in their entire lives, nor had they heard of anyone seeing anything like it.

It was well worth being an hour and a half late returning to the dock — though one “princess” threw a fit about that.

The Dogs Don’t Have To Beg ‘Cause The Tacos Are So Cheap, Right? …Right?

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 12, 2023

CONTENT WARNING: Dark Humor Involving Animals

For those unfamiliar with Mexican culture, you can find taco stands on pretty much every street corner in densely populated areas. I’m at one of such stands in a city I’ve just moved to, with a colleague I’ve just met.

Me: “It’s kind of weird.”

Colleague: “What’s weird?”

Me: “In my hometown, you’d find stray dogs begging for scraps at every food stand. But I don’t see any here.”

Colleague: *Matter-of-factly* “We have no stray dogs in [City].”

Me: “Yeah, I can tell.”

Colleague: “We do have many places where you can get the cheapest tacos in the state. You do the math.”

Me: “What does that have to do with… Oh… Oh, no…”

Feliz Navidad

, , , , , , | Right | December 23, 2022

I’m from the United States, but I minored in Spanish in college, so when my family took a Christmas vacation to Cabo San Lucas, I was a translator for them, and soon almost all of the staff knew me as the white girl who spoke Spanish. I had a lot of fun and made a few friends, especially as the staff would sometimes come to me for translations if they didn’t know! 

On Christmas Day, we were in the café eating breakfast when a staff member ran up to me frantically asking to translate for another guest. She was asking how many staff workers were in the kitchen. When I translated and got the number, the guest pulled wrapped Christmas presents out of her bag! Turns out she always brought small presents to the staff at resorts to thank them for working the holiday! 

It was a really uplifting moment and I was so glad to be a part of it!