Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,897 thumbs up)
  • Pointedly Pointing Out Appointments

    | CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Time

    (I am a receptionist taking calls for a very busy doctor.)

    Caller: “Hi, I need to schedule an appointment with the doctor.”

    Me: “Okay. Can I have your name, please?”

    Caller: *gives name*

    Me: “Well, it looks like you already have an appointment on the schedule for tomorrow. Do you need me to move it?”

    Caller: “No, I don’t have an appointment.”

    Me: “Are you sure? The computer says you’re marked down for 10:30 tomorrow morning.”

    Caller: “I’m positive. I always write my doctor’s appointments down in my little book. And I don’t have an appointment written down in my book or anywhere else. That means it doesn’t exist. Your computer must be malfunctioning. Just give me an appointment.”

    Me: “Wait… so my computer accidentally scheduled you an appointment?”

    Caller: “Yes. Now, please make me a real appointment.”

    Me: “Well, we have to schedule this type of appointment two months out.”

    Caller: “No, no. I need to get in this week.”

    Me: “Well, in that case, I just had a spot open up tomorrow at 10:30. Will that do?”

    Caller: “Yes! Perfect! Thank you!”

    Kin Tell A Lot About This Patient

    | Saskatchewan, Canada | Bigotry, Language & Words

    (I work at a walk-in clinic. A new patient has come in and I am gathering his information for his file at the front desk. He has blond hair, blue eyes, and is 30. He has been otherwise polite to this point. Note that another patient is standing in line behind him.)

    Me: “So, that’s almost it. Last question: who’s your next of kin?”

    Patient: “Am I Mexican?! What kind of racist question is that? I ain’t no Mexican freak, you racist B****!”

    Me: “Sir, I didn’t ask if you were Mexican. I asked for your next of kin.”

    Patient: “What the f*** is a ‘next of kin?’ You are just trying to make things up to cover up your racism!”

    Other Patient: “‘Next of kin’ is your emergency contact, moron.”

    Patient: “Oh, in that case, my mom. Her contact info is the same. I still live at home.”

    Other Patient: “That explains so, so much…”

    Intrinsically Disadvantaged

    | Richmond, Virginia, USA |

    (I work in a doctor’s office calling previous patients asking them to rate the quality of their visit. If they rate it “good” or below, I have to ask why and take down the reason. I have just gotten through most of the questions, when I ask the final one.)

    Me: “…and would you rate our billing service as excellent, very good, good, fair, or poor?”

    Patient: “Oh, good, I guess.”

    Me: “Okay, and may I ask why you didn’t rate it excellent or very good?”

    Patient: “It’s a BILL!”

    Me: *laughing* “All right, I will make sure to make a note of that. Thank you very much and have a wonderful day!”

    Noon, Not Too Soon, Part 2

    | Great Neck, NY, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I call patients the day before their appointment to remind them.)

    Me: “Hello, [patient], I am calling to remind you of your appointment with [doctor] tomorrow at noon.”

    Patient: “Okay, what time is my appointment?”

    Me: “Noon.”

    Patient: “But what time is my appointment?”

    Me: “Noon.”

    Patient: “What time is noon?”

    Me: “Um, it’s at twelve o’clock…in the afternoon.”

    Patient: “Oh, great. Thanks! I’ll be in.”

    Related:
    Noon, Not Too Soon

    Misery Demands Company, Part 2

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Family & Kids

    (Our office has stickers for the kids that come in. A patient’s child spots them on the way out.)

    Child: “Can we get stickers?”

    Patient: *sighing* “Can he have a sticker?”

    Me: “Of course!”

    Patient: *rolls eyes heavily* “Okay…well, don’t get your hopes up.”

    Child: “Do they have SpongeBob or superheroes?”

    Me: “Of course we do!”

    (The patient sticks her hand in container, fiddles around, and pulls her hand out empty despite the container being filled with stickers.)

    Patient: “Nope, looks like they don’t. We’re leaving.”

    Related:
    Misery Demands Company

    Page 6/7First...34567