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    Trying To Engender The Gender

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Health & Body

    (I’m at an OB/GYN clinic. This clinic has a strict policy against giving out the sex of unborn babies, though many expecting parents try to get around this rule. I am overhearing a prospective father talking to one of the doctors.)

    Prospective Father: “Tell me, Doc, is my wife gonna have a boy or a girl?”

    Doctor: “Sorry, I’m afraid I can’t tell you. It’s still hard to determine at this point.”

    Prospective Father: “Aw, come on! Don’t give me that! I know you’re just saying that because of your policy! Just please tell me if I’m gonna be having a son or a daughter!”

    Doctor: “You know the rules. Can’t tell you.”

    Prospective Father: “D*** it… Okay, then, is it all right if I asked you for your opinion on something?”

    Doctor: “Sure, what is it?”

    Prospective Father: “Well, since we’re expecting a child and all, it would be a good idea to buy all the necessities ahead of time, right? So, what colour of clothing should I buy for our baby? Blue or pink?”

    Doctor: “I think your baby would look adorable in either colour.”

    Prospective Father: “Really? Can’t you do better than that? If you HAD to pick a colour, what would you choose?”

    Doctor: “Well, if you really can’t decide between those two colours, why not just get one of each? Or mix-and-match, say a blue top and pink bottoms?”

    Prospective Father: “What if you had to pick only ONE colour?”

    Doctor: “White’s a good colour. It’s a very popular choice for baby clothes, actually.”

    Prospective Father: “Ugh, fine. I’ve got another question for you, Doc.”

    Doctor: “Sure, go ahead.”

    Prospective Father: “When you did the ultrasound, did you notice anything… different?”

    Doctor: “What do you mean by ‘different’?”

    Prospective Father: “Like, did you notice anything dangling on the baby ‘down there’?”

    Doctor: “Oh, I did notice something on your baby down there.”

    Prospective Father: “REALLY? WE’RE GONNA HAVE A BOY?”

    Doctor: “Now hold your horses, young man. I never said that. Here, let me show you. Take a good look over here on this screen. If you look over here on the right, there’s something hanging down low. In the medical field, we call that an umbilical cord.”

    Prospective Father: “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST TELL ME IF IT’S A BOY OR A GIRL?!”

    Doesn’t Seem To Get The Concept(ion)

    | Denison, TX, USA | Health & Body, Religion

    (I do the marketing and advertising for an OB/GYN. I overhear an interesting exchange.)

    Doctor: “You’re pregnant and you have an STD. You must have had some kind of sex to get pregnant.”

    Patient: “Well, Mary didn’t!”

    Giving Marriage A Bad Name

    | VA, USA | Funny Names, Love/Romance

    Customer: “Hi. I’d like to set up an appointment.”

    Me: “Okay. Can I have your last name?”

    Customer: It’s [Name] or it might be [Other Name]. I just changed my name.”

    Me: “Oh, congratulations!”

    Customer: “Actually, I changed back to my maiden name.”

    Me: “Oh! Oops… Congratulations?”

    Needs Glasses To See The Irony

    | Cornwall, England, UK | Health & Body

    (I work for a large chain opticians. One of our main competitors has a store three doors down.)

    Customer: “I have an appointment. My name is [Name].”

    Me: “Can I take your date of birth as well. I can’t seem to find your name on screen.”

    Customer: “It’s [date]. I know I have an appointment in five minutes with Mr. [Name].”

    Me: “We don’t have anyone here with that name and I can’t find you in our customer list. Are you sure the appointment isn’t with [Competitor]?”

    Customer: “Just because I need the test doesn’t make me blind! I know where my appointment is and I have the card to prove it!”

    (The customer throws his appointment card on the desk. It becomes immediately clear that he is supposed to be three doors down.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, Mr [Name]. That is [Competitor]’s card. You need to go there.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that. I know where I am! Just because you’ve redecorated in the last week doesn’t mean you can pull the wool over my eyes.”

    Me: “I assure you, sir. You are in [My Opticians’]. This happens all the time.”

    Customer: “No! I want to speak to your manager! How dare you refuse to see me! I’ve been a customer of Mr [Name]‘s for years and—”

    (The customer looks closely at my uniform and the large logo on my shirt.)

    Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me I was in the wrong place? I’m going to be late because of you!” *runs out*

    A Walk-In That Runs Out

    | NV, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I work as a secretary in my husband’s practice. We don’t take walk-ins, and it’s clearly stated on the front door, but people still try to see him without an appointment. One day, someone comes in while my husband is out having lunch.)

    Walk-In: “Hi, can I see Dr. [Name]?”

    (I already suspect something, since my husband would never schedule appointments during his lunch break.)

    Me: “What time is your appointment?”

    Walk-In: “I don’t have one.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we’re by appointment only.”

    Walk-In: “That’s okay; I’m his brother. He’s expecting me.”

    Me: “Really? He didn’t tell me anything of the sort.”

    Walk-In: “Well, you’re just a silly secretary. You don’t need to know that sort of thing. Can I go see him now?”

    Me: “You said you’re his brother?”

    Walk-In: “Yes!”

    Me: “Well, that’s funny. You don’t look the least bit like him.”

    Walk-In: “Everyone says that.”

    Me: “Really?”

    Walk-In: “Look, b****, I don’t have time for this. Just—”

    (At this point, my husband has returned from lunch and has just heard the walk-in’s slur.)

    My Husband: “Excuse me! Don’t speak to her that way.”

    (The walk-in turns around and looks my husband square in the face.)

    Walk-In: “Hey, mind your own business, moron. This doesn’t concern you, so butt out.”

    Me: “Actually, it does concern him. That’s the doctor.”

    (The walk-in goes white in the face. My husband crosses his arms.)

    My Husband: “And moreover, that’s my wife you’ve just insulted.”

    Me: *sweetly* “How did you say you were related, again?”

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