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    Can’t Even Save Their Own Skin

    | NH, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a doctor’s office, and am sitting in the nurses station during patient call-backs when I overhear this conversation:)

    Nurse: “Hi, this is [Nurse] calling from [Doctor's Office]. Is [Patient] there?”

    Patient: “Yes, speaking.”

    Nurse: “I’m calling to let you know that the results of your biopsy are in, and I’m afraid they came back as a skin cancer that needs to be addressed right away. Would you be able to come in for surgery on [date and time two days from now]?”

    Patient: “Oh… um, I’m going on vacation then.”

    Nurse: “This is a serious problem that needs to be taken care of as soon as possible. Is there any way you can push your vacation start back? You will be able to travel after your procedure without a problem.”

    Patient: *getting angry* “Absolutely not! Do you know how much it will cost me to change my tickets? I’m going to Europe for a three month tour!”

    Nurse: “You can’t be serious?! This is a cancer that will grow and spread and has the potential to become lethal. I strongly advise that you—”

    Patient: “NO! I won’t hear it. You doctor types think that you all have a God complex! Not everything is life or death!”

    Nurse: “This actually is! Please, if you can’t commit to an appointment today, call us and make one as soon as possible!”

    Patient: “I’ll have nothing to do with this. I’ll get a second opinion! I’ve read the Internet and I know how often you people are wrong just to make an extra buck!” *slams the phone down, ending the call*

    (The kicker? The procedure to remove the skin cancer would have taken less than an hour, and she would have been able to hop on her flight to Europe. In the time she said she’d be gone, her grade 2 cancer, which is treatable, had the potential to become a grade 3 or 4 cancer, which would greatly reduce her chances of having it successfully removed, and increase her risk of it spreading to other organs!)

    Think They Can Call All The Shots

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (Our office is closed during lunch so that the nurses and receptionists can eat, and the shot clinic isn’t even open on this day. We have signs up on the windows and doors announcing this, but we still have people that try to get in during lunch, shake the doors, and then complain later that the receptionists wouldn’t let them in. As a result, the front office people tend to stay out of sight of the window when the office is closed. Sometimes, we’ve even hidden under the desks to keep patients from thinking we were open. I walk out of my part of the office and freeze. There’s a woman standing at the front door impatiently. I’m not clocked in, so I call for my coworker, who is technically also off the clock.)

    Coworker: “Can I help you? ”

    Patient: “Where is everyone? The door was locked!”

    Coworker: “The office is closed for lunch right now.”

    Patient: “I wasn’t sure. That’s why I went around to the back and knocked.”

    Me: *shocked* “You… went to the back?”

    (The back of the office is the break room and where we park our cars. The patients are not supposed to go back there, and this is the first one that’s been bold enough to try.)

    Patient: “Yeah, but nobody answered. I need to get my shot!”

    Coworker: ” Ma’am, the shot room is closed.”

    Patient: “What? Why?”

    Coworker: ” We don’t give shots today.”

    Patient: ” Wait, since when have you started doing that?”

    Coworker: “… Ma’am, we’ve NEVER given shots on this day of the week.”

    Patient: “WELL, YOU SHOULD!”

    Won’t Be Seen But Definitely Heard

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (A call comes in a little after 4 pm:)

    Customer: “How do I get to your office? We were up by [Hospital] and we didn’t see your building…”

    Me: “Ah, we’re actually not near them. But I can get you here from there!”

    (I then give them the most complete directions I can for a trip that should only take perhaps fifteen minutes at the most. They thank me and ask if we will be able to see them that day. I assure them that as long as they can get here before five, we can. I’m under the impression that they will only be a few minutes. As time goes on and they don’t show up I assume they have just decided ‘forget it; I’ll go home.’ At a few minutes after five, before I have a chance to even lock the doors for the evening, a troop of three people walk in: our lost patient, expecting that she can get in that day.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m so sorry, but we’re actually closed—”

    (The customer’s husband shouts over me, loud enough that the nurses later tell me they could hear him.)

    Customer’s Husband: “No! Don’t you listen to her. She told you you could get in! You said she could get seen today!”

    Me: *trying to keep my temper* “Actually, sir, what I said was as long as you came in before five pm we could see you.” *to his wife* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but as we’re closed for the day you’ll have to reschedule.”

    Customer’s Husband: “No! YOU SAID SHE COULD BE SEEN TODAY! DON’T YOU LISTEN TO HER. YOU’RE GONNA BE SEEN!”

    Me: *deciding I can’t fight stupid* “Let me go check with the doctor, and see if we can fit you in.”

    (When I got back to the nurse’s station, I managed to catch the doctor coming out of the last patient’s room, and upon explaining the situation he agreed – we wouldn’t bend the rules. When I got back up front to explain the situation, the lady was very polite and understanding, willing to reschedule her appointment to later the next week, while her husband stood back behind her declaring the whole time that we would be seeing her that day because we had said we would. That was the only time I’ve ever had someone argue the closing time with me, and I really hope it doesn’t happen again.)

    A Boy For All Seasons

    | Denver, CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I’m taking a four-year-old boy back for a check up. He seems a little nervous so I’m talking to him to make him calm down a little bit. Note: the Broncos are playing in the play-offs.)

    Me: “Is it still snowing outside? You look like you’re freezing!”

    Kid: “Uh-huh, I don’t like the cold!”

    Me: “Aw, that’s too bad. I love the cold. I love it when it’s winter! What’s your favorite season?”

    Kid: “Post-season!”

    Me: “Huh, what? Can you name the four seasons?”

    Kid: “Duh! Pre-season, regular season, post-season and off-season! The Broncos made it to post-season! YAY!”

    (Little guy sure showed me! And wasn’t nervous for the rest of his visit.)

    Needed To Do A Double Take

    | Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I am an African American female who wears her hair in twists. A coworker of mine, who is also African-American and wears her hair in twists, comes downstairs from the ambulatory surgery unit.)

    Coworker: “Did you know we were twins?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    (She is at least six inches taller and forty pounds lighter than I am, and 20 years my senior.)

    Coworker: “Yep. This man says to me, ‘boy, you sure must get around.’ I say, ‘really?’ He says, ‘yeah, you were just at the x-ray desk.’ Then his wife says, ‘you bonehead; clearly there are two of THEM.’ Then he says, ‘well, then, they must be twins.’”

    (To this day, we greet each other as, ‘hey twin sista!’)

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