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  • Very Time (Un)Conscious

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Time

    (I am the receptionist for a chiropractor’s office. A patient had just phoned in to book an appointment.)

    Me: “Good Morning! Dr. [Name]‘s office. How may I help you?”

    Patient: “Hi, yes, I’d like to book an appointment for this morning?”

    Me: “Sure thing. I have 10:00 am if that suits you?”

    Patient: “Eeeeeh, I need something earlier.”

    Me: “Well I also have 9:00 or 9:15.”

    Patient: “That’s too soon. I need to stop at the bank and stuff first.”

    Me: “Well… I might be able to get you in for 9:45.”

    Patient: “I guess I’ll just try that. I might be a little later though.”

    Me: “Well, I do still have that 10:00.”

    Patient: “No! That’s too late!”

    Me: “Okay…  We’ll see you then.”

    Stupidly Honest

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Awesome Customers, Health & Body

    (I’m in a walk-in clinic paying for a doctor’s note, when I overhear an exchange between a man and a nurse about why he’s at the clinic.)

    Nurse: “So, is this something work related?”

    Man: “No, it’s something stupidity related.”

    (At least he was honest.)

    Weirdness In The Blood

    | Sarasota, FL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (We have a patient known for saying random, off the wall things. I had just scheduled a follow up appointment for him.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, the doctor would like you to have some bloodwork done two weeks prior to your next appointment.”

    (I hand him the lab slip and the patient stares blankly at me for a moment.)

    Patient: “What do they do with the leftover blood?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Patient: “What do they do with the blood that they don’t use?”

    Me: “Um, I believe it’s discarded as they have no use for it…”

    Patient: “Do you think they would give it to me?”

    Me: “You want the leftover blood sample?”

    Patient: “Yes. It’s MY blood.”

    Me: “What would you do with it?”

    Patient: “I don’t know, but I want it!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    Upside Down Line

    | SC, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    (I work at an allergist’s office. This afternoon I got an unusual call.)

    Me: “[Doctor]’s office, can I help you?”

    Caller: “mmhmfffmfffmnmumblemumble”

    Me: “I’m having a hard time understanding you. I think there might be some kind of interference on the line.”

    Caller: “…I’m holding the phone the wrong side up again, aren’t I?”

    Can’t Even Save Their Own Skin

    | NH, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a doctor’s office, and am sitting in the nurses station during patient call-backs when I overhear this conversation:)

    Nurse: “Hi, this is [Nurse] calling from [Doctor's Office]. Is [Patient] there?”

    Patient: “Yes, speaking.”

    Nurse: “I’m calling to let you know that the results of your biopsy are in, and I’m afraid they came back as a skin cancer that needs to be addressed right away. Would you be able to come in for surgery on [date and time two days from now]?”

    Patient: “Oh… um, I’m going on vacation then.”

    Nurse: “This is a serious problem that needs to be taken care of as soon as possible. Is there any way you can push your vacation start back? You will be able to travel after your procedure without a problem.”

    Patient: *getting angry* “Absolutely not! Do you know how much it will cost me to change my tickets? I’m going to Europe for a three month tour!”

    Nurse: “You can’t be serious?! This is a cancer that will grow and spread and has the potential to become lethal. I strongly advise that you—”

    Patient: “NO! I won’t hear it. You doctor types think that you all have a God complex! Not everything is life or death!”

    Nurse: “This actually is! Please, if you can’t commit to an appointment today, call us and make one as soon as possible!”

    Patient: “I’ll have nothing to do with this. I’ll get a second opinion! I’ve read the Internet and I know how often you people are wrong just to make an extra buck!” *slams the phone down, ending the call*

    (The kicker? The procedure to remove the skin cancer would have taken less than an hour, and she would have been able to hop on her flight to Europe. In the time she said she’d be gone, her grade 2 cancer, which is treatable, had the potential to become a grade 3 or 4 cancer, which would greatly reduce her chances of having it successfully removed, and increase her risk of it spreading to other organs!)

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