November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Knows How To Rock The Boat

| Lake Oconee, GA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

(I work at a marina on a lake in a very affluent community. Many of our customers own $200k+ boats. About 30 minutes before closing, a customer pulls up to the fuel tanks in a very nice jet boat.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Marina]!”

Customer: “Hi, can you just fill the tank?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I proceed to fill the tank. Since it is a larger boat, a full tank is 85 gallons.)

Me: “That’ll be $185.65. Would you like to pay cash?”

Customer: “Are you joking? I’m not paying that much for fuel.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but you asked for a full tank.”

Customer: “Fine, just take the f****** fuel out.”

Me: “Sir, once we pump it in, we can’t just take it out. In fact, we have a sign that says just that.” *points to sign*

Customer: “F*** this s***. I didn’t pay [amount] in slip fees this summer for you to overcharge me. Where is your manager?”

Me: “Wait just one moment, sir. I will call him.”

(We wait several awkward minutes for him to arrive.)

Customer: “This f*** charged me [amount] for a tank of gas, and is now saying that I have to pay it.”

Manager: “So?”

Customer: “So, I demand that you fire this ***** for overcharging me, and give me the tank for free.”

Manager: “Sir, that is how much the tank costs. If you refuse to pay it, I will have to call the police.”

Customer: “F*** no! I ain’t gonna pay it! Good luck getting the police to make me!”

(At this point, the customer started up his engine, revved it up, and drove straight into one of the nicer boats at the marina. He ended up getting arrested and had to sell his boat to pay for the damages to the other boat. Needless to say, we won’t be seeing him around anymore.)

Space Is His Final Frontier

| MI, USA | Language & Words, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(A customer is at the fishing license kiosk, entering in his application. He is looking visibly frustrated.)

Customer: “Oh, come on!”

(I walk up to the customer.)

Me: “Alright, can I see you go through this?”

Customer: “I’ve already done it four times!”

Me: “I understand. Just one more time, please.”

(The customer types his full name in the space provided. I see the problem. Instead of ‘John L. Doe’ he writes ‘johnldoe’.)

Me: “Alright, you’re going to need to put spaces in there.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(The customer puts the spaces in. We get to the address. He types in an equivalent of: ‘123adr3$$@Clty’.)

Me: “…alright, why don’t I just handle this?”

Fishing For Intelligence

| Ontario, Canada | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(At this time we are having a “fishing derby” where kids can bring fish in and we will measure them. The three biggest fish that have been caught have their measurements on a board.)

Customer: “Are these fish measured in feet?”

Me: “No, they are measured in inches.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m positive considering the biggest according to the board would have to be 17 feet, and the only fish I can think of that can grow to be 17 feet long is a shark.”

Customer: “You have sharks in this lake?!”

Someone’s Not Getting Any Tonight, Part 2

| Heber Springs, AR | Uncategorized

Lady: ¬†”Hey, we’ve heard that there might be some kind of oil something on this boat…”

Me: ¬†”Sure, let me check.” *checks*¬†”Come and look–your oil reservoir is almost completely empty. You should fill it immediately, and it will cost about $*.**.”

Lady: ¬†”Oh, that’s a lot. How far will that get us?”

Me: ¬†”All the way to the middle of the lake.”

Lady’s husband: *laughs hysterically*

Someone’s Not Getting Any Tonight