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    A War Unwon

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Bigotry, Military, Top

    (I am on leave and meeting an old friend in a restaurant inside a mall. Since I don’t know the area, I get there early and decide to window-shop beforehand. An old guy in his 80s approaches me.)

    Customer: “I remember the good days when I didn’t have to see many of you orientals. Now, you’re everywhere stealing our jobs. All you do is get in the way and take from my great country.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m a Marine. I’ve been in Afghanistan on multiple tours for the last three years. I serve OUR great country.”

    Customer: “Oh! That’s good. Better you than losing some American boys.”

    (I think about how the Marines trained me to survive everything an enemy can throw at us, but not how to listen to an old racist white man.)

    Full Of Soda And Fury, Signifying Nothing

    | Wisconsin, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a fast food restaurant in a food court in a mall. Our kid meals come in “to go” bags, regardless if the order is to go, or not. A mother comes up to my register and orders two kids meals bags to go.)

    Me: “Here is your order. Do you want any sauces or ketchup?”

    Customer: “I said I wanted this to go.”

    (I look down at her order a bit confused.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. Did you want a cup carrier for the drinks?”

    Customer: “No, stupid! I want to have a to go bag for my food.”

    Me: “But your food is in bags.”

    Customer: “Just give me a d*** bag.”

    (I give the mother two of our biggest bags which are the same size as the kids meal bags.)

    Customer: “I only need one!”

    (The customer shoves the two kids meals into the one bag and crams the drinks in as well. To top it off, she rolls the tops of the bag down, further crushing the drinks. Then, she shoves the entire mess into her large purse.)

    Customer: “See! Look how much of an idiot you are!”

    (She walks away in a huff, with her purse dripping soda behind her.)

    Taking It Just A Hair Too Far

    | Denver, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (This happened when I was 11 and at a shopping mall. I am sitting outside the restroom waiting for my friends to come out of the bathroom. A lady comes out of the nearby salon and comes over to me.)

    Lady: “Oh what pretty black hair you have!”

    Me: “Oh, uh, thanks, but actually its brown. It’s just wet right now.”

    Lady: “Oh, why didn’t you dry it?”

    Me: “My hairdryer’s broken.”

    Lady: “Oh!”

    (She grabs my wrist and drags me into the salon.)

    Me: “Let go of me!”

    (She continues holding my wrist and grabs a hairdryer.)

    Worker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but, weren’t you just here? And, uh, what are you doing?”

    Lady: “She has dripping wet hair!” *turns hairdryer on*

    (She finally lets go of my wrist and puts the dryer down.)

    Me: “You’re insane!”

    (I run to my friends, who are waiting outside, laughing.)

    Lady: “I was just trying to help!”

    Judging By The Sound Of Your Hair

    | Katy, TX, USA |

    (I work at the information booth for a mall, and we sometimes sell various tickets for local parks. I had a conversation earlier with a caller about some water park tickets we’re selling. She comes into the mall to purchase some about an hour after her phone call.)

    Me: “Ok, I just need you to sign here while I get these rung up.”

    Customer: *staring at my hair* “You’ve got black hair.”

    Me: “Yes. Yes, I do.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you have black hair!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “You sound like a redhead on the phone!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Curiosity Kilt The (Peeping Tom)Cat

    | New Jersey, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m working mall security when a hysterical woman comes up to me. She’s making no sense, but she keeps mentioning the word ‘quilt’.)

    Customer: “Quick! Quick!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please calm down and tell me what’s going on.”

    (The customer finally composes herself enough to form coherent sentences.)

    Customer: “There’s a man walking around in a quilt with nothing underneath it! You have to throw him out!”

    (Thinking she means there’s a flasher in the mall, I follow her to the food court. The customer grows more hysterical as we approach. There is nobody matching her description.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t–”

    (She angrily points at a man in Scottish attire quietly enjoying a coffee.)

    Customer: “There he is! He’s scaring the children walking around like that!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please stop shouting. There is nothing illegal about his way of dress and there certainly is no telling whether or not he’s wearing anything underneath.”

    (At this point the man in question approaches us.)

    Man: “I wish to lodge a complaint against this woman. She’s been following me around and trying to get a look at…well…” *gestures at his kilt*

    Me: “Ma’am, is this true?”

    (The woman turns bright red and starts fidgeting uncomfortably.)

    Customer: “Well, I…but…what about the children?!” *storms off*


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