Baby Talk To Make You Balk

| Newport News, VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(My neighbors have gone out for the day, and have asked me to babysit their youngest daughter, who is about two years old. I bring her to the mall so we can do a little shopping. I have her strapped into her stroller, and am pushing her around through the clothes racks. As I pause to look at some tops, a rather large customer walks past a rack, and knocks off some of the merchandise. She bends over to pick up the clothes.)

Two-Year-Old: “D***! That lady got a fat a**!”

(The customer rounds on me with a death glare.)

Customer: “What did you just say?!”

(I point at the two-year-old girl, completely mortified.)

Me: “I am so sorry! That was her!”

(The customer opens her mouth to berate me when the two-year-old girl pipes up again.)

Two-Year-Old: “D***! What a fat b****!”

(The customer stares at the little girl in shock before glaring at me again.)

Me: “She’s not mine! I’m just babysitting!” *to the child* “You shouldn’t say things like that! It’s very mean, and rude! Who taught you that anyways?!”

Two-Year-Old: “Big sister! Now buy me candy, b****!”

(I quickly wheeled her away under the glaring gaze of the customer. I didn’t babysit her ever again!)

Easter Bunny Goes North

| NC, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

(I’m working as an Easter Bunny at a local mall. A little girl walks in and stands in front of me. I wave to her.)

Girl: “Hi, Easter Bunny.”

(I wave again; Easter Bunnies don’t talk.)

Girl’s Mom: “Be sure to tell him what you want him to bring you!”

Girl: “Oh yeah!”

(There’s a pause. I raise my arms like I’m shrugging.)

Girl: “Um… I want you to be sure to bring me lots of toys for Christmas…”

Fowl About The Chicken

| LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I’m in the food court of the mall standing in line to get something from one of the food stalls there, one of only two known to serve chicken exclusively. There is a customer in front of me with a meal box from the other stall.)

Cashier #1: *to the customer* “Hi, welcome to [restaurant’s name]! How may I help you?”

Customer: “You idiots screwed up my order!” *thrusts box out at the cashier* “I’m supposed to get fries and coleslaw with this meal but I only have chicken and bread!”

(He sees the box but begins stammering, trying not to upset her by telling her she’s not at the right stall.)

Cashier #1: “I’m so sorry ma’am, but… well…”

Customer: “Fix it! I want my fries and slaw!”

Cashier #2: “Ma’am, the box you’re holding has [other restaurant’s name] on it.”

Customer: “I know that!”

Cashier #2: “Would you mind taking a step back and reading the sign above our stall?”

(The customer steps back, almost hitting me, and reads out loud the restaurant’s name.)

Customer: “And? What’s all this for? Fix my order!”

Cashier #2: “Ma’am, you’re at the wrong restaurant. [Other restaurant’s name] is across the food court. They can fix your order.”

(By now everyone in line, including me, is waiting to see if she’ll apologize for getting them mixed up.)

Customer: “You’re all useless!” *stomps off with her food*

Cashier #1: “I tried to be nice, I really did…”

You Spin My Head Right Round

| Appleton, WI, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at a cellphone store in the mall, but am standing outside to greet visitors. A random patron approaches me.)

Patron: “Excuse me, do you know where [cellphone store] is?”

Me: “Turn around.”

(The customer turns around, but in a 360 degree circle.)

Patron: *frustrated* “How did that help?!”

Me: “Wow.”

Putting The Dire Into Directions

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Geography

Customer: “Can you tell me how to get to your mall?”

Me: “Sure; just tell me where you’re coming from and I’ll give you directions.”

Customer: “I’m not telling you where I live.”

Me: “That makes it hard for me to tell you how to get here.”

Customer: “Oh. Washington, D.C.”

Me: “Hop a plane to Cincinnati; call me when you get here.”

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