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    The Long Road To Christmas

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (It’s Christmas season, so the mall is jam-packed. I’m driving away from the bank which is not attached to the mall, but uses the same roads as the rest of the mall. Ahead of me is a car with two young ladies. Ahead of them, in the intersection, is a long-suffering police officer. Because of the heavy seasonal traffic he’s directing cars. At the bank’s driveway, also due to the seasonal traffic, cars are only allowed to turn right. There is a sign that states this quite clearly.)

    Young Lady Driver: *turns on left turn signal*

    Police Officer: *shakes his head and gestures right*

    Young Lady Driver: *gestures left*

    Police Officer: *shakes his head, points to sign, and gestures right*

    Young Lady Driver: *gestures left*

    Police Officer: *shakes his head, gestures right, and starts looking incredibly tired*

    Young Lady Driver: *angrily gestures left*

    Me: *HOOOOOOOONK*

    Young Lady Driver: *turns right*

    Police Officer: *smiles and waves at me*

    Me: *waves back and turns right*

    Makes You Either Laugh Or Cry, I’m Telling You Why

    , | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working on a till in the run-up to Christmas. I’m 20, but I look a bit younger. A customer and I have been chatting about her plans for the day ahead.)

    Customer: “Do you work here full-time?”

    Me: “No. I’m actually only on contract for eight hours per week, but I’m doing about thirty at the moment, with Christmas coming up.”

    Customer: “Oh. I don’t know about all that. I say to my children, they’re about your age, I think you’re old enough to know by now—” *drops into a stage whisper* “—there’s no Father Christmas. Thank you. Have a nice day!”

    (When the customer is gone, my supervisor comes over.)

    Supervisor: “You look like you’re in shock. What happened?”

    Me: “She told me Santa’s not real…”

    They Stole Her Precious

    | Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Top

    (Having been married just one month, I am very precious and careful with my wedding ring. I take it off only to wash my hands. I’m in a shopping mall bathroom and have just taken my ring off and set it on top of my bag next to me. At the sink next to me is a girl about the age of 12.)

    Girl: “Hey mum! Look what I found!”

    Mum: *in a loud whisper* “Put that in your pocket! Show me later!”

    (They begin to leave. I reach for my ring and find it gone! I see the girl just shoving my ring into her pocket with a big smile on her face.)

    Me: “Hey! Excuse me! I think you have something of mine!”

    Mum: “Mind your own business!” *to her daughter* “Keep walking, honey.”

    (They both flee the bathroom, but I follow and yell.)

    Me: “Stop! Hey! Give it back!”

    Girl: “No! It’s mine, b****!”

    Mum: “You leave my baby alone!”

    (I start to cry. With the mum yelling at me, the chaos brings a security guard running over.)

    Mum: “Thank God! This b**** is trying to steal my baby girl’s ring!”

    Me: “No, no, it’s my wedding ring. I took it off for a moment and she took it!”

    Girl: “She’s lying! It’s mine!”

    Guard: “Enough!” *to me* Do you have any proof it’s yours?”

    (I’m still crying and try to describe it, but the girl and her mum keep screaming over me. The guard has to yell at them to get them to quiet down. At last, he looks at my long thin fingers, and the girl’s very short chubby ones, and he winks at me.)

    Guard: “Okay, tell you what. Whoever the ring fits, that’s who it belongs to.”

    (The guard forces the girl to hand it over, with the mum screaming the whole time. Of course, the ring doesn’t get anywhere near fitting her, and is a perfect fit on me. The guard calls the police and they both get banned from the store. My husband and I are still very good friends with the guard; in fact, he’s marrying my husband’s sister next year!)

    Baby Talk To Make You Balk

    | Newport News, VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (My neighbors have gone out for the day, and have asked me to babysit their youngest daughter, who is about two years old. I bring her to the mall so we can do a little shopping. I have her strapped into her stroller, and am pushing her around through the clothes racks. As I pause to look at some tops, a rather large customer walks past a rack, and knocks off some of the merchandise. She bends over to pick up the clothes.)

    Two-Year-Old: “D***! That lady got a fat a**!”

    (The customer rounds on me with a death glare.)

    Customer: “What did you just say?!”

    (I point at the two-year-old girl, completely mortified.)

    Me: “I am so sorry! That was her!”

    (The customer opens her mouth to berate me when the two-year-old girl pipes up again.)

    Two-Year-Old: “D***! What a fat b****!”

    (The customer stares at the little girl in shock before glaring at me again.)

    Me: “She’s not mine! I’m just babysitting!” *to the child* “You shouldn’t say things like that! It’s very mean, and rude! Who taught you that anyways?!”

    Two-Year-Old: “Big sister! Now buy me candy, b****!”

    (I quickly wheeled her away under the glaring gaze of the customer. I didn’t babysit her ever again!)

    Easter Bunny Goes North

    | NC, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (I’m working as an Easter Bunny at a local mall. A little girl walks in and stands in front of me. I wave to her.)

    Girl: “Hi, Easter Bunny.”

    (I wave again; Easter Bunnies don’t talk.)

    Girl’s Mom: “Be sure to tell him what you want him to bring you!”

    Girl: “Oh yeah!”

    (There’s a pause. I raise my arms like I’m shrugging.)

    Girl: “Um… I want you to be sure to bring me lots of toys for Christmas…”

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