(My friend and I are sitting outside a store when we see a teenage girl chasing a little boy.)

Teenage Girl: “Get back here, kid! I’m not your freakin’ mother!”

Little Boy: “Can’t catch me!”

(The teenage girl catches the little boy a few feet away by the back of the shirt and picks him up. She then proceeds to walk back towards the store, smiling at us while carrying the boy upside down.)

Teenage Girl: “Nothing to see here. Cute shoes!”

Lost & Confused: This week, we feature five stories of customers who are “geographically disadvantaged!”

1. For The Love Of God, Get GPS:
   An employee serves as a human GPS for one completely lost customer!
2. More Cars Than Common Sense:
   A couple thinks they lost their car, when they’ve really lost their minds.
3. For The Love Of God, Get GPS, Part 2:
   This confused hotel guest puts the “duh” in Cana-duh!
4. At The Corner Of Me & Myself:
   We need more than your living room to locate you, sir.
5. The Great State Of Confusion, Part 4:
   An airline passenger ends up in New Orleans, LA–Los Angeles, that is!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

(We have a big display of used books just outside our doors that we sell to raise money for a local charity. Paperbacks are $1 and hardcovers are $3, but we sometimes let them give less money if the books aren’t in great condition. An older lady comes to the counter with a brand new-looking hardcover that I had originally thought she bought at the bookstore in the mall.)

Me: “That’s just from [the used books outside the mall]?”

Customer: “Ya.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3, please.”

(The customer puts a single loonie on the counter.)

Me: “Oh, sorry. It’s $3.”

Customer: “WHAT!? But I got some paperbacks the other day and they were only $1!”

Me: “That’s because the paperbacks are $1, but the hardcovers are $3.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just ridiculous! I don’t want it, then!”

Me: “Well, I can take it for the $1 because it’s just a donation, but they’re supposed to the $3.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “The money for the books goes to a charity, so since it’s just a donation, I can give it to you for a dollar. But, just so you know, the hardcovers are $3.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! $3 for a book!” *leaves the loonie on the counter and takes her book*

(About 20 minutes later, a teenage girl and her boyfriend come into the store with a hardcover book.)

Me: “That’ll be $3, please.”

(The teenage girl hands me a $5 bill. I open the donation jar to get her change.)

Teenage Girl: “Oh, it’s a donation?”

Me: “Yes.”

Teenage Girl: “Well, you can just take the whole $5, then.”

Me: “Thank you very much!”

Teenage Girl: “No problem!”

(Funny, the differences between some people!)

Customer: “Could you please tell me where the restrooms are?”

(I point in the direction of the restrooms.)

Me: “Yes, sir, it is right there beside the bakery.”

(The customer points in the opposite direction.)

Customer: “Beside the chocolate store?”

(I point again at the restrooms.)

Me: “No, sir, beside the bakery. Right there.”

(The customer points in the wrong direction again.)

Customer: “Over there?”

Me: “Sir, it is between the food court and the bakery. Right there.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I got ya.” *walks off in the wrong direction*

(Over the holidays, I work as a Santa that little kids can take pictures with. One particularly large family cames through with just one little girl. She comes to me and we take a picture. While the rest of the family is looking at the previews for the picture, I’m talking to the child.)

Me: “And what would you like for Christmas this year?”

Girl: *goes through a few things*

Me: “Anything else?”

Girl: “Crabs.”

(I pause for a moment and look up at the family with widened eyes.)

Me: “Did I hear her right?”

Family member: “What did she say?”

Girl: “I want crabs.”

(The entire family bursts out laughing at this point. One of the family members holds off laughing just long enough to describe to me a toy crab that the girl’s been asking for.)

Me: “Oh, whew! I didn’t know what to think!”