Turning Them Red With Purple

| VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I’m in the shopping centre queuing up to buy something. My hair is dyed bright purple for ‘World’s Greatest Shave.’ There are two customers in line behind me.)

Customer #1: “Teenagers these days. Dying their hair so they can ‘stand out.’ Well, they just look ridiculous.”

Customer #2: “I know! How on earth do their parents let them do this?”

(I turn around.)

Me: “Excuse me, but I have dyed my hair for the ‘World’s Greatest Shave’ because my younger brother has leukemia. My whole family either have shaved their heads or dyed their hair for support. I have not dyed my hair to ‘stand out.’ I have dyed it so I can contribute in helping those in need.”

(The two customers turned red and hurried out of the queue into another line.)   

Prices To Put You In The Black

| Denver, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

(I am working as a barista in the coffee kiosk in the mall. We periodically get people complaining that our prices are higher than in the regular stores. Also, there is an extremely large sign posted on the register stating that we can’t take any bills larger than $20.)

Me: “Okay, sir, your total is $3.36.”

Customer: *grumbles* “Your drinks are so expensive!”

Me: “I’m sorry. We’re a franchise run through another company so our prices do average a few cents higher.”

Customer: *still grumbling, pulls out an $100 bill and shoves it at me*

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we can’t take any bills larger than $20. Do you have another denomination or a card?”

Customer: *opens wallet, pulls out a black American Express card, and hands it over grumpily while I try not to stare*

Customer: “YOUR DRINKS ARE SO EXPENSIVE!”

The Long Road To Christmas

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

(It’s Christmas season, so the mall is jam-packed. I’m driving away from the bank which is not attached to the mall, but uses the same roads as the rest of the mall. Ahead of me is a car with two young ladies. Ahead of them, in the intersection, is a long-suffering police officer. Because of the heavy seasonal traffic he’s directing cars. At the bank’s driveway, also due to the seasonal traffic, cars are only allowed to turn right. There is a sign that states this quite clearly.)

Young Lady Driver: *turns on left turn signal*

Police Officer: *shakes his head and gestures right*

Young Lady Driver: *gestures left*

Police Officer: *shakes his head, points to sign, and gestures right*

Young Lady Driver: *gestures left*

Police Officer: *shakes his head, gestures right, and starts looking incredibly tired*

Young Lady Driver: *angrily gestures left*

Me: *HOOOOOOOONK*

Young Lady Driver: *turns right*

Police Officer: *smiles and waves at me*

Me: *waves back and turns right*

Makes You Either Laugh Or Cry, I’m Telling You Why

, | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I am working on a till in the run-up to Christmas. I’m 20, but I look a bit younger. A customer and I have been chatting about her plans for the day ahead.)

Customer: “Do you work here full-time?”

Me: “No. I’m actually only on contract for eight hours per week, but I’m doing about thirty at the moment, with Christmas coming up.”

Customer: “Oh. I don’t know about all that. I say to my children, they’re about your age, I think you’re old enough to know by now—” *drops into a stage whisper* “—there’s no Father Christmas. Thank you. Have a nice day!”

(When the customer is gone, my supervisor comes over.)

Supervisor: “You look like you’re in shock. What happened?”

Me: “She told me Santa’s not real…”

They Stole Her Precious

| Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Top

(Having been married just one month, I am very precious and careful with my wedding ring. I take it off only to wash my hands. I’m in a shopping mall bathroom and have just taken my ring off and set it on top of my bag next to me. At the sink next to me is a girl about the age of 12.)

Girl: “Hey mum! Look what I found!”

Mum: *in a loud whisper* “Put that in your pocket! Show me later!”

(They begin to leave. I reach for my ring and find it gone! I see the girl just shoving my ring into her pocket with a big smile on her face.)

Me: “Hey! Excuse me! I think you have something of mine!”

Mum: “Mind your own business!” *to her daughter* “Keep walking, honey.”

(They both flee the bathroom, but I follow and yell.)

Me: “Stop! Hey! Give it back!”

Girl: “No! It’s mine, b****!”

Mum: “You leave my baby alone!”

(I start to cry. With the mum yelling at me, the chaos brings a security guard running over.)

Mum: “Thank God! This b**** is trying to steal my baby girl’s ring!”

Me: “No, no, it’s my wedding ring. I took it off for a moment and she took it!”

Girl: “She’s lying! It’s mine!”

Guard: “Enough!” *to me* Do you have any proof it’s yours?”

(I’m still crying and try to describe it, but the girl and her mum keep screaming over me. The guard has to yell at them to get them to quiet down. At last, he looks at my long thin fingers, and the girl’s very short chubby ones, and he winks at me.)

Guard: “Okay, tell you what. Whoever the ring fits, that’s who it belongs to.”

(The guard forces the girl to hand it over, with the mum screaming the whole time. Of course, the ring doesn’t get anywhere near fitting her, and is a perfect fit on me. The guard calls the police and they both get banned from the store. My husband and I are still very good friends with the guard; in fact, he’s marrying my husband’s sister next year!)

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