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    Filmed Before A Live Stupid Audience

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (As I am walking through the store a customer approaches me from the electronics section holding a DVD of an old classic film.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young lady. I have a question about this movie?”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “Is it alive?”

    Me: “I’m… I’m sorry but I don’t understand. The DVD you’re holding is an inanimate object. It is not alive.”

    Customer: “No, I mean is it live, as in ‘filmed before a studio audience’?”

    Me: “No, sir. I’m fairly certain all movies are filmed on closed studio sets.”

    Customer: “Okay, but is it still live? Isn’t ‘live’ better, like organic?”

    Me: “No, that disc you’re holding is a recording.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “If it was live then it would mean the actors were performing as you were watching it.”

    Customer: “And they’re not?”

    Me: “No, sir. That movie was made a long time ago. Most of those actors have died of old age by now. They filmed the movie once and moved on with their lives. But they are definitely not performing live.”

    Customer: “But if they’re dead then how can I watch them now?”

    Me: “Because it’s a recording.”

    Customer: “Then who’s doing the movie?”

    Me: “THEY did. They stood in front of a camera and made the movie. Then they took the film, and eventually made it into a DVD, and now here it is.”

    Customer: “I don’t get it.”

    Me: *sigh* “Okay. Do you have pictures from when you were a kid?”

    Customer: “Yeah….”

    Me: “You know how your parents pointed a camera at you and now you can look at them years later, even though you grew up and aren’t reenacting those pictures as your childhood self every time someone looks at them?”

    Customer: *gradually dawning expression*

    Me: “There you go.”

    Totally Floored

    | USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (I am hanging up clothes as a customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Hey, The elevators aren’t working, and the escalators aren’t working. How am I supposed to get down stairs?”

    (I am a little shocked at the question, but before I can answer:)

    Customer: “Never mind.” *walks away*

    (About an hour later, I walk down the non-working escalator to the first floor in order to take a break. I see the same customer making a purchase. I wonder if it took the guy an hour to figure out how to get downstairs.)

    Turning Them Red With Purple

    | VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (I’m in the shopping centre queuing up to buy something. My hair is dyed bright purple for ‘World’s Greatest Shave.’ There are two customers in line behind me.)

    Customer #1: “Teenagers these days. Dying their hair so they can ‘stand out.’ Well, they just look ridiculous.”

    Customer #2: “I know! How on earth do their parents let them do this?”

    (I turn around.)

    Me: “Excuse me, but I have dyed my hair for the ‘World’s Greatest Shave’ because my younger brother has leukemia. My whole family either have shaved their heads or dyed their hair for support. I have not dyed my hair to ‘stand out.’ I have dyed it so I can contribute in helping those in need.”

    (The two customers turned red and hurried out of the queue into another line.)   

    Prices To Put You In The Black

    | Denver, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

    (I am working as a barista in the coffee kiosk in the mall. We periodically get people complaining that our prices are higher than in the regular stores. Also, there is an extremely large sign posted on the register stating that we can’t take any bills larger than $20.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, your total is $3.36.”

    Customer: *grumbles* “Your drinks are so expensive!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We’re a franchise run through another company so our prices do average a few cents higher.”

    Customer: *still grumbling, pulls out an $100 bill and shoves it at me*

    Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we can’t take any bills larger than $20. Do you have another denomination or a card?”

    Customer: *opens wallet, pulls out a black American Express card, and hands it over grumpily while I try not to stare*

    Customer: “YOUR DRINKS ARE SO EXPENSIVE!”

    The Long Road To Christmas

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (It’s Christmas season, so the mall is jam-packed. I’m driving away from the bank which is not attached to the mall, but uses the same roads as the rest of the mall. Ahead of me is a car with two young ladies. Ahead of them, in the intersection, is a long-suffering police officer. Because of the heavy seasonal traffic he’s directing cars. At the bank’s driveway, also due to the seasonal traffic, cars are only allowed to turn right. There is a sign that states this quite clearly.)

    Young Lady Driver: *turns on left turn signal*

    Police Officer: *shakes his head and gestures right*

    Young Lady Driver: *gestures left*

    Police Officer: *shakes his head, points to sign, and gestures right*

    Young Lady Driver: *gestures left*

    Police Officer: *shakes his head, gestures right, and starts looking incredibly tired*

    Young Lady Driver: *angrily gestures left*

    Me: *HOOOOOOOONK*

    Young Lady Driver: *turns right*

    Police Officer: *smiles and waves at me*

    Me: *waves back and turns right*

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