(I’m working as an Easter Bunny at a local mall. A little girl walks in and stands in front of me. I wave to her.)

Girl: “Hi, Easter Bunny.”

(I wave again; Easter Bunnies don’t talk.)

Girl’s Mom: “Be sure to tell him what you want him to bring you!”

Girl: “Oh yeah!”

(There’s a pause. I raise my arms like I’m shrugging.)

Girl: “Um… I want you to be sure to bring me lots of toys for Christmas…”

(I’m in the food court of the mall standing in line to get something from one of the food stalls there, one of only two known to serve chicken exclusively. There is a customer in front of me with a meal box from the other stall.)

Cashier #1: *to the customer* “Hi, welcome to [restaurant's name]! How may I help you?”

Customer: “You idiots screwed up my order!” *thrusts box out at the cashier* “I’m supposed to get fries and coleslaw with this meal but I only have chicken and bread!”

(He sees the box but begins stammering, trying not to upset her by telling her she’s not at the right stall.)

Cashier #1: “I’m so sorry ma’am, but… well…”

Customer: “Fix it! I want my fries and slaw!”

Cashier #2: “Ma’am, the box you’re holding has [other restaurant's name] on it.”

Customer: “I know that!”

Cashier #2: “Would you mind taking a step back and reading the sign above our stall?”

(The customer steps back, almost hitting me, and reads out loud the restaurant’s name.)

Customer: “And? What’s all this for? Fix my order!”

Cashier #2: “Ma’am, you’re at the wrong restaurant. [Other restaurant's name] is across the food court. They can fix your order.”

(By now everyone in line, including me, is waiting to see if she’ll apologize for getting them mixed up.)

Customer: “You’re all useless!” *stomps off with her food*

Cashier #1: “I tried to be nice, I really did…”

(I work at a cellphone store in the mall, but am standing outside to greet visitors. A random patron approaches me.)

Patron: “Excuse me, do you know where [cellphone store] is?”

Me: “Turn around.”

(The customer turns around, but in a 360 degree circle.)

Patron: *frustrated* “How did that help?!”

Me: “Wow.”

Customer: “Can you tell me how to get to your mall?”

Me: “Sure; just tell me where you’re coming from and I’ll give you directions.”

Customer: “I’m not telling you where I live.”

Me: “That makes it hard for me to tell you how to get here.”

Customer: “Oh. Washington, D.C.”

Me: “Hop a plane to Cincinnati; call me when you get here.”

(I overhear a couple of customers shopping for Christmas lights.)

Customer #1: “Ooh, these are LEDs, so that means no electricity!”

Customer #2: “And that means no cords, right?”

Customer #1: “Well, I’m sure there are SOME cords…”

Customer #2: “Obviously something has to hold them together, but I mean no cords to stretch across the driveway and lawn!”

Customer #1: “Oh! Right!”