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  • Christmas Eve Reprieve
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  • Mall Up In Arms

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s New Year’s Eve and the mall closes at six pm. Anchor stores that have outside access can choose to stay open later. We have just closed our door and I begins to close the register…)

    Customer: *bangs hard on out glass doors with both fists and screams something inaudible*

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, the mall is closed.”

    Customer: *screams inaudibly again*

    Me: *walks to the door to better hear her*

    Customer: “I need to buy [item] right now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the mall is closed. It’s New Year’s Eve. We close at six pm as posted in several locations in the mall.”

    Customer: “BUT I NEED [item] RIGHT NOW! IT’S FOR MY NEW YEARS PARTY!”

    Me: “Again, ma’am, I’m sorry but I cannot help you. As I said before the mall is closed and has been for the past 10 minutes.”

    Customer: “THAT’S A LIE! [Anchor Store Across The Hall] IS OPEN!”

    Me: “They have outside access through their store. We do not.” *I start to walk away*

    Customer: *starts kicking our glass door*

    Coworker: “Ma’am, my manager has already told you we cannot help you. If you continue to kick at our door we will be forced to call security.”

    Customer: *runs*

    (The item she wanted was a rather expensive hanging wall piece that had nothing to do with New Years. It most certainly wasn’t worth being detained.)

    I’m Not Even Here Right Now

    | The Netherlands | At The Checkout, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve just found the piece of underwear I was looking for, from the mall’s own brand. The closest check-out happens to be their shop-in-shop lingerie store, so I go there to let the cashier ring up my item.)

    Cashier: “That’ll be [total]. Would you like to get a savings card?”

    Me: “Perhaps. What does it get me?”

    Cashier: “€5 off on your next purchase at [Lingerie Store], over €25 and up.”

    Me: “Oh, no thanks. I never shop here.”

    Cashier: *gives me a strange look*

    Me: “I mean, I never shop for €25 here at [Lingerie Store].”

    Cashier: “Oh…” *hands me the receipt* “Well, have a nice day, then.”

    Filmed Before A Live Stupid Audience

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology, Top

    (As I am walking through the store a customer approaches me from the electronics section holding a DVD of an old classic film.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young lady. I have a question about this movie?”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “Is it alive?”

    Me: “I’m… I’m sorry but I don’t understand. The DVD you’re holding is an inanimate object. It is not alive.”

    Customer: “No, I mean is it live, as in ‘filmed before a studio audience’?”

    Me: “No, sir. I’m fairly certain all movies are filmed on closed studio sets.”

    Customer: “Okay, but is it still live? Isn’t ‘live’ better, like organic?”

    Me: “No, that disc you’re holding is a recording.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “If it was live then it would mean the actors were performing as you were watching it.”

    Customer: “And they’re not?”

    Me: “No, sir. That movie was made a long time ago. Most of those actors have died of old age by now. They filmed the movie once and moved on with their lives. But they are definitely not performing live.”

    Customer: “But if they’re dead then how can I watch them now?”

    Me: “Because it’s a recording.”

    Customer: “Then who’s doing the movie?”

    Me: “THEY did. They stood in front of a camera and made the movie. Then they took the film, and eventually made it into a DVD, and now here it is.”

    Customer: “I don’t get it.”

    Me: *sigh* “Okay. Do you have pictures from when you were a kid?”

    Customer: “Yeah….”

    Me: “You know how your parents pointed a camera at you and now you can look at them years later, even though you grew up and aren’t reenacting those pictures as your childhood self every time someone looks at them?”

    Customer: *gradually dawning expression*

    Me: “There you go.”

    Totally Floored

    | USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (I am hanging up clothes as a customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Hey, The elevators aren’t working, and the escalators aren’t working. How am I supposed to get down stairs?”

    (I am a little shocked at the question, but before I can answer:)

    Customer: “Never mind.” *walks away*

    (About an hour later, I walk down the non-working escalator to the first floor in order to take a break. I see the same customer making a purchase. I wonder if it took the guy an hour to figure out how to get downstairs.)

    Turning Them Red With Purple

    | VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (I’m in the shopping centre queuing up to buy something. My hair is dyed bright purple for ‘World’s Greatest Shave.’ There are two customers in line behind me.)

    Customer #1: “Teenagers these days. Dying their hair so they can ‘stand out.’ Well, they just look ridiculous.”

    Customer #2: “I know! How on earth do their parents let them do this?”

    (I turn around.)

    Me: “Excuse me, but I have dyed my hair for the ‘World’s Greatest Shave’ because my younger brother has leukemia. My whole family either have shaved their heads or dyed their hair for support. I have not dyed my hair to ‘stand out.’ I have dyed it so I can contribute in helping those in need.”

    (The two customers turned red and hurried out of the queue into another line.)   

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