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    In A Tsary State

    | Queens, NY, USA | Language & Words, Top

    (Two women come into my grandpa’s locksmith shop and are saying really obnoxious things in Russian.)

    Woman 1: “Careful, I think he may speak Russian.”

    Woman 2: “That oaf? No way.”

    Woman 1: “Maybe he does.”

    Woman 2: “He doesn’t.”

    Grandpa: *in Russian* “He does.”

    For Federal Crimes, He Is Your Key Man

    | Nevada, USA |

    (I have been called to change the lock on a mailbox.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ll change it. Which one is it?”

    Customer: “Fourteen.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, there are four mailboxes here, and they all have a 14 on them. Which box is it?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Can you just open them all?”

    Me: “That would be a Federal crime. None of your lease information has a box number?”

    Customer: “Really, if you open them all, I promise I’ll put the other people’s mail back. Pretty please?”