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    Cancun, Oahu, Same Difference

    | Honolulu, HI, USA |

    (Standing in line behind a tourist, while she is getting rung up.)

    Cashier: “Aloha, how are you today?”

    Tourist: “Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t speak Spanish. Could you talk in English please?”

    Cashier: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Tourist: “Fine, we just flew here from America today.”

    (The cashier rings up the tourist’s few items.)

    Cashier: “That will be twenty five dollars and eighty five cents.”

    Tourist: “Do you take American money here? I only have American money. I have not been able to get to the currency exchange yet.”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, we are in the United States. We take dollars here.”

    Tourist: “Oh really? You take this money?” *holds up her $20 bill*

    Cashier: “Yes, ma’am, those are dollars, and being a US state we do accept those.”

    Tourist: “Well that’s very nice of you to accept foreign money.”

    Cashier: *puzzled* “Mahalo, have a great day!”

    Tourist: *under her breath* “I told her I didn’t speak Spanish!”

    Brown-Skinned Savage, I Come From Distant Shores

    I Like My Italians Color-Coded, Too

    | Connecticut, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today, ma’am?”

    Lady: “Hi, yes. I’d like to get a bottle of wine for my neighbor.”

    Me: “Alright, what kind?”

    Lady: “Kind?”

    Me: “Yes, red or white?”

    Lady: “Oh, there are two kinds?”

    Me: “Well, there are more than two, but those are general groups.”

    Lady: “Oh, well, he’s Italian…I think…so we’ll go with Italian.”

    Me: “Alright, a red or a white Italian?”

    Lady: “Well, he’s kind of Tan, but I guess White.”

    Me: “Um…not your neighbor. The wine, ma’am?”

    Lady: “Oh…the Italian wines have groups too? I guess one of each…”

    (This was just the beginning, as I had to describe the fact that there are numerous Red and White wine varieties. You can imagine how that went.)

    Fecal Tender

    | Connecticut, USA |

    (A customer came in, grabbed a 40 ounce bottle of beer, approached my manager and talked to him for a minute. The customer walked out and my manager came to the counter with the beer and some money. He purchased the beer, walked outside and then returned. When no one was in the store, we all turned to the manager and asked what happened.)

    Manager: “Well, the customer has the money to buy the beer…but he had an issue.”

    Us: “What happened?”

    Manager: “He said he was coughing real hard in the cooler…and he sh*t in his pants…”

    (That liquor store has never heard such laughter in the entirety of its existence.)

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