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    In This War, There Are No Winners

    | Virginia, USA |

    (I work at a state-run liquor store, which basically means the state owns everything, including the liquor. All damages are written off at no penalty to us or the customers. A customer approaches me holding a 1/2 gallon glass bottle.)

    Customer: “So, you’re state run, right?

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “So, if I break something, do I have to pay?”

    Me: “No, but it would be really nice if you didn’t.”

    Customer: “Well, here’s to getting my tax dollars back!”

    (The customer suddenly smashes the $100 bottle on the ground and walks out.)

    My boss: *sighs and gets a mop and broom*

    Color Me Stupid

    | St Louis, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Note: I am fairly new at the liquor store, so I’m still learning about all the wines, beers, and liqueurs.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Nuvo Pink?”

    Me: “Umm, I’m not sure. What is that?”

    Customer: “It’s a liqueur.”

    Me: “Okay, well, it would be over here.”

    (I take the customer over to the the shelves and start looking for it.)

    Me: “If we don’t have it, perhaps we have something similar. What flavor is it?”

    Customer: “Pink.”

    Me: “No, what flavor?”

    Customer: “The flavor is pink!”

    Raisin Wine Awareness

    | TX, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the counter, and looks at a bottle of wine we’re sampling.)

    Customer: “What’s this?”

    Me: “It’s a tempranillo.”

    Customer: “What is a ‘temper-nillo’?”

    Me: “It’s a red grape from Spain.”

    (The customer picks up the sample cup, and looks at it in confusion.)

    Customer: “This is a grape? I could’ve sworn this was wine.” *knocks sample back* “How about that!”

    Appease The Portuguese

    | Johannesburg, South Africa |

    (Note: Many South African liquor stores are owned by Portuguese people.)

    Customer: “Obrigado!” (Speaks in Portuguese.)

    Me: “Sorry sir, I don’t speak Portuguese.”

    Customer: “WHAT! Your family didn’t raise you in this s*** country to forget where we come from!” *guttural swearing in Portuguese*

    Me: “Yes, sir, but-”

    Customer: “WHAT THE F***! Did your daddy run away and leave your mother that you cant speak huh? You’re a half-breed! What you gonna do when this f***ing country goes to s*** and we gotta leave, huh?”

    Me: “Well–”

    Customer: “So do you even THINK of yourself as Portuguese? Or are you ashamed of where you come from or what?”

    Me: “I’m Spanish.”

    A Blasphemer In The Church Of Chocolate

    | Anchorage, AK, USA |

    Me: “Merry Christmas!”

    Customer: “That’s just garbage!”

    Me: “Happy Hanukkah?”

    Customer: “None of that s*** means anything!”

    Me: *still trying to be cheerful* “All the chocolate is half-off
    tomorrow!”

    Customer: “I don’t like chocolate!” *glares*

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