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    Routine Trumps Common Cents

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (A regular buys the same bottle of liquor every couple of days and brings in just enough money to pay for the bottle. This week, we happen to get in “special edition” bottles and put them in place of the normal ones.)

    Me: “That will be [price].”

    (The customer hands me money and I give him a $5 in change.)

    Customer: “Is this on sale or something? You gave me too much change!”

    Me: “That’s a special edition bottle we got in. It’s actually cheaper than the normal one!”

    Customer: “Well, it’s been [price] for six years! Why is it cheaper?!”

    Me: “Well, at least it’s not more expensive?”

    Customer: *muttering* “It’s been [price] for six years…”

    Me: *speechless*

    In This War, There Are No Winners

    | Virginia, USA |

    (I work at a state-run liquor store, which basically means the state owns everything, including the liquor. All damages are written off at no penalty to us or the customers. A customer approaches me holding a 1/2 gallon glass bottle.)

    Customer: “So, you’re state run, right?

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “So, if I break something, do I have to pay?”

    Me: “No, but it would be really nice if you didn’t.”

    Customer: “Well, here’s to getting my tax dollars back!”

    (The customer suddenly smashes the $100 bottle on the ground and walks out.)

    My boss: *sighs and gets a mop and broom*

    Color Me Stupid

    | St Louis, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Note: I am fairly new at the liquor store, so I’m still learning about all the wines, beers, and liqueurs.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Nuvo Pink?”

    Me: “Umm, I’m not sure. What is that?”

    Customer: “It’s a liqueur.”

    Me: “Okay, well, it would be over here.”

    (I take the customer over to the the shelves and start looking for it.)

    Me: “If we don’t have it, perhaps we have something similar. What flavor is it?”

    Customer: “Pink.”

    Me: “No, what flavor?”

    Customer: “The flavor is pink!”

    Raisin Wine Awareness

    | TX, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the counter, and looks at a bottle of wine we’re sampling.)

    Customer: “What’s this?”

    Me: “It’s a tempranillo.”

    Customer: “What is a ‘temper-nillo’?”

    Me: “It’s a red grape from Spain.”

    (The customer picks up the sample cup, and looks at it in confusion.)

    Customer: “This is a grape? I could’ve sworn this was wine.” *knocks sample back* “How about that!”

    Appease The Portuguese

    | Johannesburg, South Africa |

    (Note: Many South African liquor stores are owned by Portuguese people.)

    Customer: “Obrigado!” (Speaks in Portuguese.)

    Me: “Sorry sir, I don’t speak Portuguese.”

    Customer: “WHAT! Your family didn’t raise you in this s*** country to forget where we come from!” *guttural swearing in Portuguese*

    Me: “Yes, sir, but-”

    Customer: “WHAT THE F***! Did your daddy run away and leave your mother that you cant speak huh? You’re a half-breed! What you gonna do when this f***ing country goes to s*** and we gotta leave, huh?”

    Me: “Well–”

    Customer: “So do you even THINK of yourself as Portuguese? Or are you ashamed of where you come from or what?”

    Me: “I’m Spanish.”

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