Drive (Thru) The Price Up

| TX, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money

(For my drive-thru customers, I try to give them the price from memory. Also, some of our customers try to be funny by being outraged at our prices.)

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

Customer: “How much?!”

(As I’m getting his items, I notice that one of them costs slightly more than I remembered.)

Me: “It’s [correct, slightly higher price].”

Customer: “D***, I should have kept my mouth shut!”

Russian Into Things

| AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests

(One evening a very obviously young teenager (15 or 16) comes in and tries to buy a pornographic magazine. After I inform him I can’t sell to him without seeing an ID he sticks around and starts chatting me up. I am a very tall woman in my mid-twenties while he was very short and petite.)

Kid: “You know, the main reason I wanted to buy a magazine is because I’ve been deprived of the company of women for most of my life. You see…” *he leans up against the counter, looks around the room and says in a stage whisper* “…I was trained from birth in a Russian compound to be a deadly assassin.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Go on…”

Kid: “I’m the best there is at the trade. I became the youngest secret KGB agent.”

Me: “The KGB actually hasn’t existed for several years now.”

Kid: *nodding gravely* “That’s because I took them all out when I went rogue. Since then I’ve been freelancing. But now that I have more money than I know what to do with, I’ve been thinking about getting out of the game. You know, finding a beautiful woman and settling down in my French chateau. What do you say? Want me to take you away from all this?”

Me: *having serious trouble keeping a straight face* “That’s very sweet. But aren’t I a little too old for you? Not to mention I’m nearly two feet taller.”

Kid: “That’s okay. That’s the way we like ’em in Russia!”

Me: “Kid, you are one cocky little s***. If you weren’t underage I’d buy you a drink.”

Kid: “Well, if you come with me we can go to a country where the legal drinking age is much lower. You know, in Russia I’ve already reached the age of consent. If you get my drift…”

Me: “Thanks, but I’m afraid I’ll have to pass.”

Kid: *sigh* “Oh well it, was worth a try. Do svidaniya!”

Sharing His Alcohol Problem

| AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

(It’s about 1 pm when a clearly drunk and staggering man approaches me in the store. I am also a customer.)

Customer: “Hiya, pretty lady. Wanna go for a drink with me?”

Me: “Um… no, thank you. I’m very busy today and am happily married!”

Customer: “Well… too bad for you!”

(Moments later at the registers, I am in line with couple of customers behind me. The drunken customer stumbles up to them.)

Customer: “Do ya mind if I butt in line ‘ere?”

Other Customer: “Sorry, man. We were here first and the wait really isn’t that long.”

Customer: *pointing at me* “I just wanna stand next to her!”

(At this point I am having my things rung through at the till and exchange a worried glance with the cashier.)

Cashier: *to the drunken customer* “You wait your place in line, sir! Just like everybody else!” *quietly, to me, handing me my purchases* “You go on and get out of here. I’m sending someone out to get his plate number ‘cause he drove here and is clearly pretty intoxicated. Have a nice day. We’ll handle the creep!”

(I leave pretty quick and the drunk customer tries to follow me out, but is stopped by the manager. I didn’t hear what happened, but I am sure thankful the staff was keeping an eye out that afternoon!)

Suffering A Bipolar Vortex

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Canada, Wild & Unruly

(I am from California but am visiting some family in Toronto. It’s late December and extremely cold. I’m at a liquor store with my cousin when the customer behind me notices my California ID.)

Customer: “You’re a long way from home! What brings you out here?”

Me: “I’m visiting some family.”

Customer: “What do you think about the weather?”

Me: “It’s actually quite refreshing. It’s nice having a change of scenery but I don’t think I could do this all the time.”

Customer: *huffy* “Well, it’s not like this all the time! It’s only cold for about five months! How dare you assume that, you ignorant American!”

Me: “No, no, no. Of course I know it’s not cold year round. I meant that I personally couldn’t deal with the winter months every year!”

Customer: “You lying b****! You’re just trying to cover your a**! You stupid Americans think we just live in igloos. I know your type!”

Me: “I promise you I don’t think that it’s this cold year round. I’ve come to visit many times in the summer.”

Customer: “Stupid American b****!”

(My cousin and I just walk away while she continues to hurl insults at me.)

Discrimi(nation), Part 2

| AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

(The store I work for is run by a Vietnamese family. I am the only Caucasian working there, and the only other non-Vietnamese employee is often mistaken for being Vietnamese because of the color of his skin. We usually work together. A drunk customer comes in. Since law prohibits us from selling to people who are intoxicated, my coworker heads him off.)

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, you’ve had enough for tonight. We can’t serve you any more.”

Customer: “F*** you, c****! Get out of my way!”

Coworker: “Listen, man, there’s no need to get angry here; just go home go to bed. You can start again tomorrow.”

(The customer stumbles up to me at the till.)

Customer: “F****** c****, tryin’ ta tell me he won’t serve me.”

Me: “Sir, we won’t be serving you anymore tonight, or ever again. That word you keep using derogatorily refers to a Chinese person. The owners of this store are from Vietnam.”

Customer: “Whatever, they should all go back where they come from, starting with that fat f***!”

(I am trying not to laugh.)

Customer: “What’s so funny?”

Me: “The person you just said should go back where he comes from is pure Cree First Nations. His people have been here long before ours. Now I believe I told you we won’t be serving you anymore; get out now.”

Related:
Discrimi(nation)

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