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    Suffering A Bipolar Vortex

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Canada, Wild & Unruly

    (I am from California but am visiting some family in Toronto. It’s late December and extremely cold. I’m at a liquor store with my cousin when the customer behind me notices my California ID.)

    Customer: “You’re a long way from home! What brings you out here?”

    Me: “I’m visiting some family.”

    Customer: “What do you think about the weather?”

    Me: “It’s actually quite refreshing. It’s nice having a change of scenery but I don’t think I could do this all the time.”

    Customer: *huffy* “Well, it’s not like this all the time! It’s only cold for about five months! How dare you assume that, you ignorant American!”

    Me: “No, no, no. Of course I know it’s not cold year round. I meant that I personally couldn’t deal with the winter months every year!”

    Customer: “You lying b****! You’re just trying to cover your a**! You stupid Americans think we just live in igloos. I know your type!”

    Me: “I promise you I don’t think that it’s this cold year round. I’ve come to visit many times in the summer.”

    Customer: “Stupid American b****!”

    (My cousin and I just walk away while she continues to hurl insults at me.)

    Discrimi(nation), Part 2

    | AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

    (The store I work for is run by a Vietnamese family. I am the only Caucasian working there, and the only other non-Vietnamese employee is often mistaken for being Vietnamese because of the color of his skin. We usually work together. A drunk customer comes in. Since law prohibits us from selling to people who are intoxicated, my coworker heads him off.)

    Coworker: “Sorry, sir, you’ve had enough for tonight. We can’t serve you any more.”

    Customer: “F*** you, c****! Get out of my way!”

    Coworker: “Listen, man, there’s no need to get angry here; just go home go to bed. You can start again tomorrow.”

    (The customer stumbles up to me at the till.)

    Customer: “F****** c****, tryin’ ta tell me he won’t serve me.”

    Me: “Sir, we won’t be serving you anymore tonight, or ever again. That word you keep using derogatorily refers to a Chinese person. The owners of this store are from Vietnam.”

    Customer: “Whatever, they should all go back where they come from, starting with that fat f***!”

    (I am trying not to laugh.)

    Customer: “What’s so funny?”

    Me: “The person you just said should go back where he comes from is pure Cree First Nations. His people have been here long before ours. Now I believe I told you we won’t be serving you anymore; get out now.”

    Related:
    Discrimi(nation)

    Drinking Shooters All Night Long

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m in line at a local liquor store. The customer in front of me has clearly had too much to drink already, and is slurring his words when he speaks. The cashier is a smaller gentleman with long hair, who doesn’t look much older than 20.)

    Cashier: “Good afternoon, sir. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I’ll tell you what you can help me with; you can give me all the money you got up in this b****!”

    (The man proceeds to pull a gun out of his coat, which then falls to the ground. He stumbles after it, and points it towards the cashier, who hasn’t moved or said anything at this point.)

    Cashier: “Sir, please put the gun away.”

    Customer: “Not until you give me all your f****** money, you dumb-a** b****!”

    (At this point, I’m ducking behind one of the displays but can still see what is going on. Suddenly, the cashier reaches over the counter, presses the clip release on the gun, and takes the clip out. The inebriated customer looks shocked.)

    Cashier: “Sir, I’ve just recently returned from my tour in Afghanistan. I can tell that one, you have the safety on, two, this is an airsoft gun that you painted to look like a real gun, and three, you’re clearly far too drunk to fight back if I were to defend myself. So please, do yourself a favour; leave this store before I alert the authorities.”

    (The inebriated man looks down at his gun, back up to the cashier, and then drops the gun and runs out of the store before stumbling and passing out just outside. The other customers and I are laughing at this point.)

    Cashier: “Anybody want a free airsoft gun?”

    He’s Talking A Load Of Bull(ion)

    | Rochester, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m picking up a few things near the cash register. A customer walks up to the cashier with a bottle of Goldschlager. He looks like your typical party frat-boy. I overhear his attempt to impress the attractive cashier.)

    Customer: “Dude, I love this stuff. It’s so good.”

    Cashier: “Yeah, my mom’s a fan too.”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s really awesome. The gold flakes in it cut your throat and your stomach to get the alcohol in you faster, and get you drunk faster.”

    (It is now obvious that the cashier is unenthused.)

    Cashier: “Is that so?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s totally why I drink it. It gets you drunk way faster.”

    (I can see that the cashier is getting annoyed with the customer’s ‘bro’ attitude, so I speak up.)

    Me: “Actually, that’s just an urban legend. Gold is known for its soft malleable properties, so it’s not sharp enough to cut you like that.”

    (The customer looks a little flustered.)

    Customer: “Well, that’s what I heard!”

    Me: “Well it’s wrong. Not to mention, I’m sure the FDA would not approve of the sale of a drink that actually could tear the lining of the stomach and throat to accelerate intoxication. The gold is just a novelty effect.”

    (The guy mumbles something, pays for his liquor, and leaves; he is clearly embarrassed. I finish my selection, and go to the cashier to pay.)

    Cashier: “Look at you go! Thanks so much for that. I get so tired of idiots thinking I’m impressed with how much they can drink.”

    Me: “No problem!”

    The Dimmest Thing In The Store

    | PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer is standing in front of the sake in a corner of our store. My coworker approaches her.)

    Coworker: “Can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: “Do you think this sake is, you know, safe to drink?”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, safe to drink? I assume it’s gone through the proper processing procedures.”

    Customer: “I mean… was this sake affected by the tsunami that hit Japan?”

    (My coworker realizes she’s alluding to the power plants that were hit by the tsunami, and the possibility that the sake is radioactive.)

    Coworker: *jokingly* “Well, if you take it home, and it starts to glow in the dark, I’d suggest you don’t drink it.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay!”

    (My coworker walks away. After a couple of minutes, my manager and I glance over to see the lady cupping the bottle in her hands. She is trying to make it dark enough to see if it will glow in the dark!)

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