In The Case Of Ulysses Versus Jackson:

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

(My father is the owner and I am back from college helping him during summer break. I am a 25-year-old male. A woman gets some things and pays with a $50 dollar bill and the man behind her waits patiently. The man then comes up pays for his things with a $20. I hand him his change.)

Man: “Hey, I paid with a fifty! Where’s the rest of my change?”

Me: “No, you didn’t. The change is correct.”

Man: “You’re trying to rip me off! I paid with a f****** FIFTY!”

(Knowing what he’s trying to pull and knowing my dad hates dealing with people like this, I open the till.)

Me: “Nope, no fifty in here.”

Man: “Y… Yes, there is! You’re trying to f****** rip me off!”

Me: “I haven’t received a fifty all day. Now that I look closer I realize you paid with a ten dollar bill while your order was $15.90. I am going to need another 5.90 please.”

(I put my hand out as if I am expecting money. He is completely thrown off at what I have done and gets flustered.)

Man: “I… I want to see a manager NOW!”

Me: “I am the owner’s son. If you don’t pay off the rest of your order I’m going to call the cops.”

(I still have my hand out as if to take his money. The man steps back and looks around stammering to himself.)

Man: “I paid with a $20 and you gave me the correct change.” *bolts out the door*

Hold Fire On That Receipt

| Finland | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(It’s Friday afternoon and I’m in a liquor store with my dad. We both know the guy who’s working as cashier.)

Cashier: “Do you want the receipt?”

Dad: “Yeah, I’m going to heat the sauna today.”

(Our sauna is heated with wood and we use trash paper to light the fire.)

Cashier: “Okay, have a nice weekend.”

Me: “You, too.”

(We pack dad’s bottles, and the cashier serves another customer. We are leaving when he offers a receipt to her.)

Customer: “No, thanks. I have an electric sauna.”

Can’t Barrel Out Of There

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

(I work as a manager and beer department head at a local liquor store that sells kegs of beer.)

Customer: “Excuse me; I need to order a keg of Corona.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but Corona, unfortunately, doesn’t make kegs.”

Customer: “What’re you talking about? I ordered one last week!”

Me: *trying not to get agitated* “Sir, I’m sorry, but like I said, Corona doesn’t make kegs. It’s impossible for me to get you a keg of Corona.”

Customer: “This is bull-s***! The beer guy here got one for me last week!”

Me: “Actually, I run the beer department at this store, and I have for the last few months. I can give you a list of all the kegs we can get you.”

Customer: “QUIT BACK-TALKING ME! I want to see your manager, and I want to see him now!”

Me: “Okay, not a problem.”

(I turn around on the spot, making a 360 turn.)

Me: “Hello, I’m the manager. What can I help you with?”

Customer: *glares at me before walking out in a rage*

Needs To Learn About Togetherness

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Underaged

(Two customers come up to my register together with a bottle of brandy; both look young so I move to card them both.)

Me: “Can I see your IDs, please?”

Customer #1: “Oh, she’s not buying anything.”

Me: “It doesn’t matter. If you’re together, I need to see both of your IDs before I can sell this brandy to you.”

Customer #1: “We’re not together.”

Me: “Then how do you know she isn’t buying anything?”

Customer #1: “Well, she’s not holding anything, so I just assumed… We’re not together!”

Customer #2: “I’m just his ride!”

Me: “I’m sorry, that doesn’t matter. I cannot sell to you since you are together.”

(At this point they exchange a look that makes it very clear that they’re trying to pull one on me and that Customer #2 is, in fact, underage.)

Customer #1: “But we’re not together!”

Me: “She just said she’s the one who drove you here.”

Customer #1: “This is complete garbage! I have never heard of this stupid f***ing rule! No one’s ever done this to me before. We’re not even together!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It’s state law that I can only sell if I have IDs from everyone in the group.”

Customer #1: “But we’re not together!”

Not So Nuts About The Innuendo

| Medford, MA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(At our store, we have a rack of potato chips, peanuts, and other snacks that is a few steps away from the register. The customer puts a six-pack of beer on the counter, then steps away to grab something off the rack and comes back to the counter with some peanuts.)

Customer: “You really should put your nuts on the counter.”

Me: “I’m not sure how to respond to that.” *hoping he’d get how awkward it sounded, and laugh it off*

Customer: “I might grab them more often, if you did.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Yeah, they’re probably just fine right where they are.”

(I’m pretty sure this guy was just clueless about what he said and not actually hitting on me!)

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