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    Dim And Dimmer

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (I notice a customer seems particularly interested in a light.)

    Me: “Can I answer any questions for you?”

    Customer: “Nope, I think I’ve found the light I’m looking for! Can you ring me up?”

    Me: “I’d be glad to! But because of the type of fixture, I should ask you. Are you going to be using it with a dimmer?”

    Customer: “Of course.”

    Me: “Do you happen to know if that dimmer is compatible with these kinds of fixtures? Sometimes there can be issues, and I’d want your light to work properly for you.”

    Customer: “I don’t know what kind of dimmer we have. It was there when we bought the house. Is the compatible dimmer more expensive?”

    Me: “Yes, which is why I wanted to warn you before you bought a fixture that might need it. You may even have a compatible dimmer already. Many homes do. But you may want to check first.”

    Customer: “You’re just trying to sell me something useless to get a bigger commission!”

    Me: “Well, we don’t work on commission. I just didn’t want you to run into a nasty surprise. If you like, I can write down the code for the light if you want to go home and check before you buy. Then you could purchase at a later date. Or, if you wanted to buy the light and then go home to check, you can return the light for a full refund if you don’t want to replace the dimmer.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you call this customer service! I just want to buy this light! Why is that so difficult? I don’t believe for a second that you don’t work commission! I don’t think you know what you’re talking about at all! I want to talk to your manager!”

    Me: “Of course, I’ll see if he’s available.”

    (I go and find my boss.)

    Manager: “Hi, I’m the manager. Can I help you?”

    (The customer is now completely calm and pleasant.)

    Customer: “Yes, I understand that this type of fixture might work better with a certain type of dimmer.”

    Manager: “Yes, that’s correct.”

    Customer: “And the dimmer we might need is more expensive?”

    Manager: “Yes.”

    (He begins to explain technical details I went through before.)

    Customer: “Oh, yes. We know all about that. If we purchase this, take it home, and our dimmer isn’t compatible, could we return it?”

    Manager: “Absolutely.”

    Customer: “Thank you so much, you’ve been so helpful! Could you ring us through?”

    (My manager rings them through, and they leave.)

    Manager: “They seemed very nice. Why did you call me out here? I was busy!”

    Guess Who’s Flapping To Dinner

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “This may sound odd, but we’re looking for a light with a finish that’s resistant to…um…bird poop.”

    Me: “I’m guessing you have a pet? Well, no finish is going to stand up completely to that kind of thing, but we can look at a few things. What kind of light are you looking for?”

    Customer: “It’s for over our kitchen table.”

    (I proceed to find them some lights. Later on as I’m helping them out to their car…)

    Me: “Oh, I never did ask the name of your bird!”

    Customer: “Well, we have about 70 of them. Bye!” *drives off*

    Coworker: “Remind me not to accept any of their dinner invitations.”