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  • Weekend Roundup: Attack Of The Tax!

    , , , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Attack Of The Tax! Tax season may be over in the U.S., but what happens when you mix clueless customers and too-high taxes? A ca-tax-trophe, that’s what!

    1. War Can Be Taxing:
      The Revolutionary War of 2012: Founding Fathers doing revolutions in their graves due to a brainless populace!
    2. Taxation With Agitation:
      It’s like the Boston Tea Party…except in a gas station…in Tennessee…
    3. Bacon, Lettuce, and Taxes:
      We know that fast food customers will eat anything, but we never knew taxes could be tasty!
    4. Taxing Customers:
      However you add things up, this retail customer is minus a few brain cells.
    5. Fortunately, It’s Raining Pork Barrels And Earmarks:
      Wonder where your tax dollars go? To humongous, lake-covering umbrellas, of course!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Maybe He’s Molting

    | Springfield, VA, USA | Top

    (Many young couples with young children belong to my pool, and many of them ask a lot of questions. A man leads his 6-year-old son into our guard office.)

    Pool patron: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Me: “Yes sir? Can I help you?”

    Pool patron: “I’m very scared my son is in trouble.”

    Me: “Is he okay? Did he hurt himself in the pool? Are there any major injuries?”

    Pool patron: “His skin is all wrinkled and soft. It feels strange. Is it going to fall off?”

    Me: “Sir, that happens to everyone’s skin who has been in water for an extended period of time.”

    Pool patron: “So his skin won’t fall off, right?”

    Better Off Popular

    | Princeton, NJ, USA |

    (I was lifeguarding and jumped in to help a boy who had wandered into deep water. This interaction happened with his mother after I helped the boy out of the water.)

    Mother: *running over* “What happened?!”

    Me: “Everything is OK, ma’am. Your son just went too deep into the water. He should be fine.”

    Mother: “Well, why the h*** did you help him?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Mother: “Why did you have to jump in and help him?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, it’s my job, and your son was having trouble swimming–”

    Mother: *interrupting* “You idiot! You embarrassed my son in front of everyone! Don’t you think you should have thought about how embarrassing that must have been for a little boy?!”

    Me: “Actually, no I didn’t think about that. I was more concerned about your son drowning than him being embarrassed.”

    Mother: “That’s ridiculous! Why the h*** would you ever be more concerned about THAT?!”

    Fortunately, It’s Raining Pork Barrels And Earmarks

    | Lansing, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (Background: I work at a small round lake about a mile in diameter. From any point on the shore you can see the edge of the lake all around. The lake is used for fishing and as such is full of sand and seaweed and fish.)

    Patron: “Hi, can you tell me what ocean this is?”

    Me: “Sir, this is a fresh water man-made lake, not an ocean.”

    Patron: “I mean, what ocean is it connected to?”

    Me: “It’s not connected to an ocean. It’s a man-made lake.”

    (The patron pauses and obviously decides to come at this from another angle.)

    Patron: “What river feeds this lake?”

    Me: “This lake used to be a gravel pit before they filled it in with water. It’s not connected to the river system. It’s man-made.”

    Patron: “Well, where does all the water come from?”

    Me: “The lake is filled with rainwater, mostly.”

    Patron: “That’s awful! I don’t want to let my kids swim in rain water… it’s dirty. You should keep the rain out of the lake!”

    Me: *sarcastically* “I totally agree. Maybe we can spend tax dollars on a tarp to cover the lake when it rains.”

    Patron: “That’s an excellent idea! I hope you mention that to your supervisors!”

    ‘Boiled Babies’ Tends To Screw Up Your R√©sum√©

    | Merseyside, UK |

    (My friend worked as a lifeguard in a swimming pool).

    Customer: “This pool is too cold, can’t you see my baby is going blue?!”

    Lifeguard: “I’ll check the temperature for you, but as all the other babies are fine it shouldn’t be too cold.”

    (He takes a temperature reading and it is nearly 35 degrees C/95 degrees F.)

    Customer: “Well, it’s still too cold.”

    Lifeguard: *gives up* “Very well, if you would like to boil a lobster that’s fine by me.”

    (Unfortunately, the customer had no sense of humor and shortly thereafter my lifeguard friend had no job.)