No Pranks, Just Thanks: The Comic

| Eugene, OR | Awesome Customers, Comics

Have a fun, festive Thanksgiving week with your family & friends!

This Movie Is The Bee’s Knees

| IL, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

(Our library has a new program where we showcase an artist’s work in our park next door. The first choice of art was a giant head made of discarded wood. After it was replaced, I have this conversation with a maintenance page.)

Page: “I like the new sculpture much better. The giant head was a bit weird.”

Me: “Yeah, it reminded me of The Wicker Man.”

Page: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a horror movie. The newer one has Nicolas Cage—”

(Suddenly, a library patron nearby begins shouting.)

Patron: “Not the bees! NOT THE BEES!”

Page: “I have got to see this movie.”

Doesn’t Know When To Finnish

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I’m teaching myself Finnish by talking to a friend over texts and by reading the newspaper clippings she sends me every now and then. It takes me a long time to read them, because I’m just beginning, so I do it in a library with a notebook to jot down notes. An elderly woman comes up while I am in the middle of getting my clippings, notebook, and pen out.)

Woman: “Oh! What are you doing there? Learning Arabic or something?”

(I look down at the very obviously not-Arabic text.)

Me: “Nope, actually Finnish.”

Woman: “What?”

Me: “Finnish? Suomi?”

Woman: *annoyed* “Are you telling me you don’t want to talk to me?”

Me: “No, miss, I’m just saying that I’m teaching myself Finnish, the language from Finland.”

Woman: *finally clicks* “Oh! I’m so sorry! I keep sticking my foot in it!”

Me: “Not a problem, ma’am.”

(I go to start working, and then I see the headline and stop.)

Woman: “What’s the problem? You can’t do it?”

Me: “No, ma’am, it’s just I’m not sure this story is quite appropriate.”

(I go to turn the page, but the woman snatches the clipping away and looks at it, bewildered.)

Woman: “Don’t be ridiculous; how hard could it be?”

Me: “Finnish isn’t related to English, so it’s unlikely you’d be able to recognize much.”

Woman: “You’re just faking; [you’re] trying to pick up women by looking clever! I f****** hate you f****** a**-holes who think they can fool people! You’re just a f****** b****** who thinks he’s so smart! D*** f****** kids these days!”

(The woman flings the clipping back down and storms off. I begin translating, saying it as I write just loud enough for her to hear.)

Me: “HORNY BEARS TORMENTING PEOPLE…”

An Unlikely Story

| WA, Australia | Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

(I have been checking books back in that have been left on our returns desk and come across a new book that has been badly damaged by what looks to be coffee. When the patron comes back to the circulation desk, I show her the book.)

Me: “Good morning! I’ll check those out for you in just a moment. Unfortunately because this book has been damaged quite badly, we won’t be able to have it in our collection any more. The replacement cost will be [dollar amount]; are you able to pay now or should I send an invoice out?”

Patron: “Oh, it was like that when I took it out!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’d never loan something in that condition, and as it was on your membership, you are liable for the damage done to it while on loan.”

Patron: “I didn’t do it! You can’t prove I did it! It must have been the person before me! I won’t pay! It’s been like that for ages.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a new book. We only got it last month and the only person to have it before you was I. And I can assure you, I didn’t spill coffee on this book.”

(There is a long pause.)

Patron: “Um, how much was it?”

The Odds Of Her Believing Are Ever In Your Favor

| MD, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(I overhear the following conversation between a boy who is about 12, and his grandmother.)

Grandmother: “What are you reading there?”

Boy:The Hunger Games.”

Grandmother: “What’s that about?”

Boy: “Don’t worry Grandma. It’s about these kids who enter a Hungry Hungry Hippos tournament, and the winner wins a bag of candy!”

Grandmother: “Oh. That sounds nice!”

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