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    The Odds Of Her Believing Are Ever In Your Favor

    | MD, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I overhear the following conversation between a boy who is about 12, and his grandmother.)

    Grandmother: “What are you reading there?”

    Boy:The Hunger Games.”

    Grandmother: “What’s that about?”

    Boy: “Don’t worry Grandma. It’s about these kids who enter a Hungry Hungry Hippos tournament, and the winner wins a bag of candy!”

    Grandmother: “Oh. That sounds nice!”

    Didn’t Read The Signals

    | WA, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I overhear a library patron talking to his small daughter.)

    Patron: “You’re turning five today; do you know what that means?”

    Daughter: “Uh…”

    Patron: “Do you know what you finally get today? It’s so exciting!”

    Daughter: “A pink Nintendo DS?!”

    Patron: “What? Uh, no. We’re getting you a library card.”

    Me: “…weeee! Happy birthday!”

    Doesn’t Make A Lycan Sense

    | USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Pets & Animals

    (We get a lot of kids at the library where I work. One of our regular customers, who’s about eight years old, walks up to me.)

    Customer: “[My name], I have an important question.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Are werewolves real?”

    Me: “Nope, werewolves are made up.”

    (He looks taken aback, like that wasn’t the response he was expecting.)

    Customer: “What?! But, but wolves are real!”

    Me: “Right. But wolves are wolves, and people are people.

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “If you’re born a wolf, you’re a wolf for the rest of your life. If you’re born a person, you’ll stay a person. So since you were born a person, you’ll never turn into a wolf.”

    (The customer thinks about this for a minute.)

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense!”

    (The customer walks away, slowly shaking his head.)

    The Mother Should Be Booked

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am in high school, and earn money by paging in a library in a low-income area. Pages do the ‘grunt work’ of a library—mostly putting away books and cleaning up after people. I spend a lot of time in the children’s section, and talk a lot with the kids.)

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: *showing me a picture book* “This book is really cool!”

    Me: “Is it? What’s it about?”

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: “It has dragons, and horses, and a bad guy, and fighting!”

    Me: “Wow, that sounds like a pretty good book. Are you going to check it out and take it home to read?”

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: “No, I can’t.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Seven-Year-Old Girl: “My mommy can’t read, and she says that she doesn’t want us to read. She says that books are dumb!”

    Life Is Stranger Than The Fiction Section

    | SC, USA | Books & Reading, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Sorry, you can’t check this out.”

    Patron: “Why not?”

    Me: “You have three overdue books.”

    Patron: “Is there anyway you can let this slide?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    (The patron proceeds to take off her shirt.)

    Patron: “How about now?”

    Me: “No. Please put on your shirt before I call the police.”

    (The patron then takes off her pants, pulls aside her underwear, and soaks the floor. It is carpet, so there is a lot of damage. My coworker calls the police.)

    Patron: “Now will you let it slide?”

    Me: “No.”

    Patron: “F*** you!”

    (She goes over to a shelf, puts her back against it, and pees all over. It splashes up and ruins several books. She also defecates, picks up one of the books, tears out several pages, and uses it to wipe. The police arrive, and she calls her boyfriend, who is apparently in another section. He pleads with the police to let her free, but they don’t let her. He then adds to the mess that his girlfriend has already made. The police take him too. Later, we find another section that is completely ruined. That must have been where the boyfriend was.)

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