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    Resistance Is Futile

    | Athens, GA, USA |

    (Woman is filling out a library card application.)

    Librarian: “Ma’am, I need your middle name as well.”

    Woman: “Why?”

    Librarian: “We have a lot of duplicate entries, so we’re required to ask for middle names now.”

    Woman: “I don’t want to give you my middle name.”

    Librarian: “Ma’am, I already have your social security number. Giving me your middle name won’t hurt.”

    Just Stick It Where The Sun Don’t Shine

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (I work at a library where people can come in to use the computer if they need to.)

    Lady: “Excuse me. Could you help me? I’m having trouble with the computer.”

    Me: “Sure, what’s the problem?”

    Lady: “I can’t log on. It’s not taking my card.”

    Me: “Huh, that’s weird. My computer says everything is okay. Let me go check.”

    Lady: “I don’t know why it never works for me. The first time it came in it worked but every time after that it hasn’t! You guys always have problems with your computers. You should get that fixed as soon as possible!”

    Me: “Alright then, let me see what you’re doing. Where’s your card?”

    Lady: “It’s in the computer!”

    Me: “What do you mean it’s in the computer?”

    Lady: “There, in the computer! I put it in but it won’t log me on!” *points to the computer*

    (I see it sticking out of where it obviously does NOT belong and take it out.)

    Me: “No. That’s not how you log on. You see the numbers on the back of the card? Enter that into the computer, then your pin, and click log on.”

    Lady: *looks at me confused* “Did you guys change this, because that’s how it worked for me last time!”

    Me: “No, that’s how it has always been. In fact, if you had looked at the screen, you would have seen that it tells you exactly what to do.”

    Lady: “Don’t take that tone with me, young lady! Just log me on!”

    (I logged her on to the computer, but since she was a b**ch to me, I kicked her off early.)


    | Ohio, USA |

    Library Patron: “I need some help comparing heating prices.”

    Me: “Okay, let me show you a website where you can compare the different gas companies.”

    (Leads patron to computer, and types in website address.)

    Me: “Here you go. Just type in your information.”

    Library Patron, looking at keyboard: “These letters are all mixed up!”

    Me: “Uh, well…”

    Library Patron: “Have they always been like this?”

    Me: “Only since the 1800′s. Here, let me do the typing.”

    Oh, Crystal Meth

    | Alabama, USA | Bizarre, Top

    Click here to view the comic version of this quote!

    (I’m checking out another patron’s books. Suddenly, a customer screams and points at me, in the process elbowing another patron out of the way.)


    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m helping someone right now….”

    Library patron: “You let it get all FATTY on the top!!!”

    Me: “…I’m sorry?”

    (The library patron begins to cry.)

    Me: “Why are you crying?”

    Library patron: “I don’t know, cuz dads are microwaving their kids and sh*t!”

    Me: “…”

    As Opposed To The Ones That You Can, Like, Smoke?

    , | Oregon, USA | Top

    (At a library, completely surrounded by books…)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

    College Student: “Where are the books that you can, like, read?”

    Me: ????

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