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    Accidental Lemonade From Lemons

    | Amsterdam, The Netherlands |

    Me: “Hi, can I help with anything?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a good book.”

    Me: “Do you have any specific genre or subject in mind?”

    Customer: “Yes, a good one… one that I’ll like.”

    Me: “Um, you’ll have to be a bit more specific. I don’t really know what you like. Science fiction, thriller, fantasy, horror, that sort of thing?”

    Customer: “Well, don’t you know any good books?”

    Me: “I haven’t actually read them all, but–”

    Customer: “You haven’t? What kind of librarian are you? Isn’t there anyone here who can help me?”

    Me: “This one–” *holding up a book* “–is pretty popular at the mo–”

    Customer: “How do you know I’ll like it?! You can’t know that. I want a book that I’ll like.”

    (I get frustrated and just grab a random book that was recently turned in.)

    Me: “Here, you’ll love this one!”

    (Unfortunately, she did like it, and told my boss to thank me for my great suggestion. Darn.)

    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2

    | London, UK |

    (A customer comes to the counter to borrow a DVD, I go into the back and get the one he wants, and all seems normal…)

    Me: “May I have your card?”

    Customer: *presents a bank card*

    Me: “I mean your library card.”

    Customer: “You mean I can’t buy it?”

    Me: “No, you can only borrow from a library. ¬†You can buy DVDs in the shop around the corner.

    Customer: “Oh…. so I can’t buy it here? I have to borrow it?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “I wanted to buy it.”

    Me: “You can only buy it from shops. Are you a member of the library?

    Customer: “No, I wanted to buy this DVD.”

    Me: “You can’t buy things here, you can only borrow things when you’re a member.”

    (By this point there is quite a long queue behind him, so I ring the bell for assistance.)

    Customer: “What’s that bell for? Is it for getting a copy I can buy?”

    Me: “No, it’s to get assistance for the other readers. ¬†If you’d like to buy a DVD, I’d strongly suggest you go elsewhere. ”

    Customer: “So I can’t buy it?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: *pauses* “Oh… I wanted to buy it.” (After one more pause, he finally leaves.)

    Related:
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition
    I Think She Wants A Discount

    I’m So Smrt, I Dn’t Hve To Raed

    | Boston, MA, USA | Top

    (A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)

    Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the internet.”

    Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”

    Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”

    Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”

    Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour…I keep closing it and trying again!”

    Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”

    Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”

    Me: “What’s that word?”

    Patron:Now!”

    Me: “And the others?”

    Patron:Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”

    Resistance Is Futile

    | Athens, GA, USA |

    (Woman is filling out a library card application.)

    Librarian: “Ma’am, I need your middle name as well.”

    Woman: “Why?”

    Librarian: “We have a lot of duplicate entries, so we’re required to ask for middle names now.”

    Woman: “I don’t want to give you my middle name.”

    Librarian: “Ma’am, I already have your social security number. Giving me your middle name won’t hurt.”

    Just Stick It Where The Sun Don’t Shine

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (I work at a library where people can come in to use the computer if they need to.)

    Lady: “Excuse me. Could you help me? I’m having trouble with the computer.”

    Me: “Sure, what’s the problem?”

    Lady: “I can’t log on. It’s not taking my card.”

    Me: “Huh, that’s weird. My computer says everything is okay. Let me go check.”

    Lady: “I don’t know why it never works for me. The first time it came in it worked but every time after that it hasn’t! You guys always have problems with your computers. You should get that fixed as soon as possible!”

    Me: “Alright then, let me see what you’re doing. Where’s your card?”

    Lady: “It’s in the computer!”

    Me: “What do you mean it’s in the computer?”

    Lady: “There, in the computer! I put it in but it won’t log me on!” *points to the computer*

    (I see it sticking out of where it obviously does NOT belong and take it out.)

    Me: “No. That’s not how you log on. You see the numbers on the back of the card? Enter that into the computer, then your pin, and click log on.”

    Lady: *looks at me confused* “Did you guys change this, because that’s how it worked for me last time!”

    Me: “No, that’s how it has always been. In fact, if you had looked at the screen, you would have seen that it tells you exactly what to do.”

    Lady: “Don’t take that tone with me, young lady! Just log me on!”

    (I logged her on to the computer, but since she was a b**ch to me, I kicked her off early.)

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