LOL OMG Grandma, Read The FAQ

| California, USA | Uncategorized

(We have an older patron who comes into the library to use the Internet. She’s around 65 and not computer literate, so we help her out whenever she needs us.)

Patron: “Miss, could you help me? I don’t understand what is happening.”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Patron: “I think I had a stroke or something!”

Me: “Oh my God, what do you feel?”

Patron: “Well, I can’t understand the words on the computer. It doesn’t make any sense! I’m so confused!”

(She seems fine, just aggravated, but I call over my co-worker who is in a nursing program.)

Me: “Can you check her out real quick?”

Coworker: “You’re fine. What did you feel?”

Patron: “Well, nothing. But, all of a sudden, I lost my ability to understand writing. I opened an email from my granddaughter and I didn’t understand a word of it!”

(My coworker and I read the email:)

Hey grandma! I’ve been having a gr8 time in Ny with mom and dad. we’ll b back in ca on the 4th. I miss u! c u l8r!”

Coworker: “Um, I think she just wrote in a hurry and didn’t realize that you didn’t understand her shorthand. It’s teenspeak, so it’s a little hard to understand.”

Patron: “Oh, thank God…such a stupid girl! I’m going to tell my son to throw her TV and computer away and make her read some books!”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re preaching to the choir.”

Much Ado About Nothing

| Iowa, USA | Uncategorized

Library patron: “How much is this book?”

Me: “Well, according to the price on the back it looks like it costs about $27.00. However, the actual price may vary depending on where you buy it.”

Library patron: “Wow, that is a lot of money.”

Me: “Yea, kind of.”

Library patron: “Okay, well…I’ll take it,”

Me: “Okay, I will need your library card and I can check it out to you.”

Library patron: “Oh, I want to write a check.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t sell books here. This is a library, so you borrow them.”

Library patron: “So you are not going to sell me this book?”

Me: “No, but I will gladly let you check it out if you have a library card.”

Library patron: “What kind of store is this?”

Me: “It isn’t a store…it’s a library.”

Library patron: “So you really won’t sell me this book?”

Me: “No, I cannot sell you that book.”

Library patron: “Fine! I’ll take my money elsewhere!”

Me: “Nice doing business with you!”

An Offering To The Literary Gods

| Melbourne, Australia | Top

(I’m sitting at the reference desk when a lady walks in with a beautiful bouquet in one hand, a bag full of freshly-baked loaves of bread in the other, and a ferocious scowl on her face. She comes to the desk and slams down the flowers.)

Lady: *growls* “Flowers for librarians!”

(She slams down the bread, then growls again.)

Lady: “Bread for librarians!”

(She then puts both hands on the desk and leans forward.)

Lady: *snarling* “Now find me a book!”

May Contain Scenes Of Gratuitous Bowie

| London, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for this movie for my daughter: Pan’s Labyrinth. I heard it was very good.”

Me: “Yes, it was very good.”

Customer: “Do you think the girls would like it?”

Me: “I don’t know, how old are they?”

Customer: “Nine.”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, Pan’s Labyrinth isn’t really a kids movie. It’s about the Spanish Civil War.”

Customer: “The what?”

Me: “The Spanish Civil War. General Franco. There’s a scene where a man gets his face beaten in.”

Customer: “But in the previews it looks like a kid’s movie, like that other movie with puppets.”

Me: “Do you mean Labyrinth?”

Customer:“Yes!”

Me: “That may be a better choice, trust me.”

Customer: *leaves*

Coworker: “I don’t know if David Bowie’s giant crotch is really safe for kids either…”

The Internet: Damaging Self-Esteem, One User At A Time

| Winona, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Patron: “I was trying to go to a website, and a message popped up that said, ‘This website may be trying to harm your computer. Do you want
to continue?'”

Me: “That’s just a warning message. If you know the website, you can just click ‘OK’.”

Patron: “Yes, I know the website. My friend made it. I don’t think that message is very nice.”

Me: “I assure you it’s nothing personal. That message just appears on websites the computer doesn’t recognize.”

Patron: “Well, it’s not nice. That message scared me about my own friend’s website. Do you know somebody you can talk to about that?”

Me: “The system’s warning message?”

Patron: “Yes.”

Me: “Of course. I’ll send them an e-mail about it right now.”

(I pretend to type on my laptop until she leaves.)

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