Dialog Boxes Are Forever

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Top

(I’m at the library checking my email, when another patron seated next to me taps me on the shoulder.)

Patron: “Excuse me, I’m trying to get into email, but something pops up, I click “No”, and all I get is a blank page.”

Me: “Have you tried clicking ‘Yes’?”

Patron: “Why would I do that?”

Me: “Well, if it’s asking if you want to continue, and you should click ‘Yes’.”

Patron: *tries again* “It just brings up the blank page again!”

Me: “Did you click ‘Yes’ to continue?”

Patron: “No, I clicked ‘No’.”

Me: “Why did you click ‘No’? I told you to click ‘Yes’.”

Patron: *tries again* “Okay, do I click ‘No’?”

Me: “You click on ‘Yes’!”

(Not surprisingly, she clicks on ‘No’. She does this several times as other library patrons who overhear us begin to laugh.)

Patron: “Okay, so I get this message–”

(This time, I seize her mouse before she can do anything and click ‘Yes’. Hotmail pops up.)

Patron: “Oh, it works now! That’s funny. Thank you!”

Related:
Infinitely Loopy But Happy As A Clam
Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition
Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2
Laziness Is The Father Of Repetition

How To Strike Out 101

| Wisconsin, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m female, and one day a male patron walked up to me.)

Patron: “Can you look up information on gonorrhea for me?”

Me: “Sure…”

(I start searching in various databases when I suddenly feel the patron caressing my knee.)

Patron: “You’re doing such a good job!”

Me: “…”

Textual Discrimination

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

(A customer approaches me holding an audio book.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “It’s an audio book.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “Well, it’s books read aloud so people can listen to them instead of reading the text.”

(The customer looks horrified.)

Customer: “Do you have more?”

Me: “Oh yes, those shelves behind you there.” *pointing*

Customer: *looking at the rows of audio books* “That’s disgusting! People who can’t read shouldn’t be allowed in libraries anyway! You shouldn’t pander to them!”

Me: “Well, it’s also for people who have low or no vision.”

Customer: “They have no right to books, either!” *storms out*

LOL OMG Grandma, Read The FAQ

| California, USA | Uncategorized

(We have an older patron who comes into the library to use the Internet. She’s around 65 and not computer literate, so we help her out whenever she needs us.)

Patron: “Miss, could you help me? I don’t understand what is happening.”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Patron: “I think I had a stroke or something!”

Me: “Oh my God, what do you feel?”

Patron: “Well, I can’t understand the words on the computer. It doesn’t make any sense! I’m so confused!”

(She seems fine, just aggravated, but I call over my co-worker who is in a nursing program.)

Me: “Can you check her out real quick?”

Coworker: “You’re fine. What did you feel?”

Patron: “Well, nothing. But, all of a sudden, I lost my ability to understand writing. I opened an email from my granddaughter and I didn’t understand a word of it!”

(My coworker and I read the email:)

Hey grandma! I’ve been having a gr8 time in Ny with mom and dad. we’ll b back in ca on the 4th. I miss u! c u l8r!”

Coworker: “Um, I think she just wrote in a hurry and didn’t realize that you didn’t understand her shorthand. It’s teenspeak, so it’s a little hard to understand.”

Patron: “Oh, thank God…such a stupid girl! I’m going to tell my son to throw her TV and computer away and make her read some books!”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re preaching to the choir.”

Much Ado About Nothing

| Iowa, USA | Uncategorized

Library patron: “How much is this book?”

Me: “Well, according to the price on the back it looks like it costs about $27.00. However, the actual price may vary depending on where you buy it.”

Library patron: “Wow, that is a lot of money.”

Me: “Yea, kind of.”

Library patron: “Okay, well…I’ll take it,”

Me: “Okay, I will need your library card and I can check it out to you.”

Library patron: “Oh, I want to write a check.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t sell books here. This is a library, so you borrow them.”

Library patron: “So you are not going to sell me this book?”

Me: “No, but I will gladly let you check it out if you have a library card.”

Library patron: “What kind of store is this?”

Me: “It isn’t a store…it’s a library.”

Library patron: “So you really won’t sell me this book?”

Me: “No, I cannot sell you that book.”

Library patron: “Fine! I’ll take my money elsewhere!”

Me: “Nice doing business with you!”

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