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    Even Customers Have A Stupid Quota

    | Texas, USA |

    Customer: “What time is tax assistance here?”

    Me: “They are here on Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 12 to 2 o’clock.”

    Customer: “Okay, so they’re here Tuesday through Thursday, from 12 to 2 o’clock?”

    Me: “No sir, only on Tuesday and Thursday.”

    Customer: “Okay, Tuesday and Thursday, all day long?”

    Me: “No sir, only from noon until 2.”

    Customer: “So, you’re telling me that they are here from noon to 2?”

    Me: ¬†”Yes.”

    Customer: “And that’s on Mondays and Tuesdays?”

    Me: “No, sir… ”

    (Before I can say anything further, the person behind him explodes…)

    Another customer: “It’s here on Tuesday and Thursday from 12 to 2! I don’t even know what the @#$% you are asking about, but I’ve figured out what time it happens! What the @#$% is wrong with you?!”

    Customer: *slinks away*

    Related:
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

    Altruism, How I Miss Thee

    | New Zealand |

    Library patron: “I’ve donated a lot of books over the years. So, from now on I’d like all my requests for free, please.”

    (Requests to transfer books from one library branch to another cost $1 per time.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any policy to do that.”

    Library patron: “I’ve donated so many books over the years I think this is a special case! I should be given free requests and fines.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not something you’ll be able to do. A lot of people donate books and we don’t give them free requests and fines.”

    Library patron: “But I’ve been supporting the library with all these donations I’ve been giving. I deserve something in return!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the word donation implies you expect nothing in return… otherwise, it’s not a donation.”

    Library patron: *lightbulb goes on* “Oh…”

    Accidental Lemonade From Lemons

    | Amsterdam, The Netherlands |

    Me: “Hi, can I help with anything?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a good book.”

    Me: “Do you have any specific genre or subject in mind?”

    Customer: “Yes, a good one… one that I’ll like.”

    Me: “Um, you’ll have to be a bit more specific. I don’t really know what you like. Science fiction, thriller, fantasy, horror, that sort of thing?”

    Customer: “Well, don’t you know any good books?”

    Me: “I haven’t actually read them all, but–”

    Customer: “You haven’t? What kind of librarian are you? Isn’t there anyone here who can help me?”

    Me: “This one–” *holding up a book* “–is pretty popular at the mo–”

    Customer: “How do you know I’ll like it?! You can’t know that. I want a book that I’ll like.”

    (I get frustrated and just grab a random book that was recently turned in.)

    Me: “Here, you’ll love this one!”

    (Unfortunately, she did like it, and told my boss to thank me for my great suggestion. Darn.)

    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2

    | London, UK |

    (A customer comes to the counter to borrow a DVD, I go into the back and get the one he wants, and all seems normal…)

    Me: “May I have your card?”

    Customer: *presents a bank card*

    Me: “I mean your library card.”

    Customer: “You mean I can’t buy it?”

    Me: “No, you can only borrow from a library. ¬†You can buy DVDs in the shop around the corner.

    Customer: “Oh…. so I can’t buy it here? I have to borrow it?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “I wanted to buy it.”

    Me: “You can only buy it from shops. Are you a member of the library?

    Customer: “No, I wanted to buy this DVD.”

    Me: “You can’t buy things here, you can only borrow things when you’re a member.”

    (By this point there is quite a long queue behind him, so I ring the bell for assistance.)

    Customer: “What’s that bell for? Is it for getting a copy I can buy?”

    Me: “No, it’s to get assistance for the other readers. ¬†If you’d like to buy a DVD, I’d strongly suggest you go elsewhere. ”

    Customer: “So I can’t buy it?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: *pauses* “Oh… I wanted to buy it.” (After one more pause, he finally leaves.)

    Related:
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition
    I Think She Wants A Discount

    I’m So Smrt, I Dn’t Hve To Raed

    | Boston, MA, USA | Top

    (A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)

    Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the internet.”

    Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”

    Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”

    Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”

    Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour…I keep closing it and trying again!”

    Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”

    Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”

    Me: “What’s that word?”

    Patron:Now!”

    Me: “And the others?”

    Patron:Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”

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