November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

At Least It Rules Out ‘Twilight’

| ID, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(I work at the reference desk, and I often help patrons find books. The following exchange happens one morning:)

Patron: “Hi, I’m looking to see if you have a book.”

Me: “I can help you, then! Can you give me the name of the book?”

Patron: “I don’t remember it.”

Me: “Well, do you remember the author’s name?”

Patron: “No… but it was about vampires and it had the word ‘blood” in the title.”

Me: “…That doesn’t narrow it down nearly as much as you think it does.”

Every Day The Same Old Storytime

| NC, USA | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Family & Kids

(I’m the manager of a small public library. Every Saturday morning, we hold a program for infants and young toddlers where our children’s librarian leads everyone in simple songs and nursery rhymes, then reads a very simple book. The babies are so engaged that they rarely cry, and they usually laugh, which even I think is the most adorable thing in the world. My coworker (who is a pro) and I are working the circulation desk when this happens. A woman storms up to my coworker as the program is beginning.)

Woman: *clearly annoyed, waving at the babies and parents* “How long is this going to be going on?”

Coworker: “Story time lasts about 30 minutes.”

Woman: *sputters* “How often do you do this?”

Coworker: “Every Saturday at 11 am.”

Woman: “Well, you should really post a sign about it! In bold type!”

(Note: There is such a sign, literally in bold type, 80 pt. font, four feet to her right on our “Events” bulletin board. There are two other copies of the same sign elsewhere in the building, in addition to the program being advertised on our website and the local paper’s events calendar. My coworker is naturally polite, though, and just stares at her as she stalks off.  She sits back down at the computer where she’s been working and huffs loudly for several minutes while the children’s librarian and parents sing “Jack Be Nimble” and “The Grand Old Duke of York.” Two minutes later, she’s back in front of my coworker.)

Woman: “They’re not even reading stories! They’re singing!”

(The group is currently singing ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat.’)

Coworker: “Yes…”

Woman: “Singing!”

Coworker: “Yes…”

Woman: “You let BABIES in the library? BABIES!”

Coworker: “Yes.”

(She threw her hands up in the air, made a sound of disbelief, and stomped off again. She was lucky she got my incredibly chill coworker and not me, who would have pointed out the sign beside her and tried to give her a lecture about the importance of helping children get an early start in developing pre-literacy skills like syllable recognition.)

Can’t Use That Trick In The Book

| KS, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I am working at my town’s library over the summer when the phone rings. I don’t normally answer the phone because they often need something done on the computer, which as a part-timer I don’t use, but since my superior isn’t around, I answer it.)

Me: “[Town]’s Public Library, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello. I would like to return a book.”

Me: “Okay, then, there’s two ways you can do that: you can bring it in while we’re open and we can check it in then or you can come and put it in the drop-box bin which we will check it in as soon as we clear it.”

Caller: “Can’t I just tell you the name and you could check it in now?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We have to have the book to check it in.”

Caller: “That’s ridiculous! I have the book right here so you can check it in!”

Me: “No, ma’am. The book has to be back here at the library for me to be able to check it in.”

Caller: “You lazy workers, making me bring the book there when you could just check it in from here!” *click*

(At this time my supervisor comes back.)

Supervisor: “Were you just on the phone?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, and I’m am never answering that thing again!”

Handily Not Available

| NY, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(I am working alone at night at a small town library. The town also has a prison nearby. A customer approaches the desk.)

Customer: “I’d like to order a specific book.”

Me: “What’s the title?”

Customer: “‘How to Use Your Hands as Lethal Weapons.’ The prison librarian would never order it for me.”

(I was relieved that I couldn’t find it for him either!)

Be Under-Wary

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(I work at library in a small town outside of Pittsburgh. Most of the people who come in are elderly. One day a regular in his 80s walks in carrying something black in one of his hands.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I don’t want to get too personal with this, but here.” *drops black thing on my desk* “I found this outside.”

Me: “Oh, is it a T-shirt?” *grabs it but quickly realizes it is not a T-shirt but is actually a pair of men’s underwear* “Oh, my god!”

Customer: “I found it on the stairs and I don’t know if this is some kid’s idea of a funny prank.”

Me: “Why didn’t you just throw this away?”

Customer: “I thought you might want to find the owner.”

(I’m laughing to the point where I’m at tears about now and calling over to my coworker. The customer just stands there, making absolutely no expression. I honestly had no clue what this guy wanted me to do with this wet, rain-soaked underwear that was on my desk.)

Coworker: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “There’s underwear on my desk and I don’t know what to do.” *explains what just happened while the customer still stands there not making any facial expressions*

(The guy finally left to use the bathroom and my coworker picked up the underwear with a plastic bag and I scrubbed the entire desk down. After all this happened, my coworker turned to me.)

Coworker: “What if that underwear belonged to the customer and that was his way of flirting with you?”

(I’ve never been able to look at this customer again.)