October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Reading Empty Minds

| West Midlands, UK | Top

(Our library helps a lot of people finish off the crossword puzzles from their newspapers. I’d helped one man find the answer to a very difficult one earlier in the day. I overhear a lady asking her about the same crossword to my colleague.

Me: “Excuse me, the answer is ‘Salome’.”

Colleague: “Thanks, that fits perfectly.”

Customer: “But…no, how can she know? She wasn’t even here!”

Me “I overheard you from-”

Customer: “No! You read my mind didn’t you! That’s wonderful, do it again! What am I thinking about now?”

(She looks around the library. I notice her eyes linger on a Superman poster.)

Me: “Um…Superman?”

Customer: “F***!”

Colleague: “Ma’am, please don’t curse in the library.”

Customer:: “Oh, sorry.” *to me* “Did you hear me swear in my thoughts? Is that how you knew?”

Me: “No, you just shouted it.”

Customer: “Oh. That’s a shame.”

Geographically Incontinent

| Maryland, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Public library, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I have kind of a dumb question.”

Me: “Oh, well, what’s your question?”

Caller: “I need to know what the seven continents are.”

Me: “Oh, that’s not a dumb question. Why don’t you tell me which ones you know and I’ll tell you which ones you’re missing.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks. Let’s see…North America, South America, Asia, Africa, France, Italy…”

Me: “Whoa, hold up. France and Italy aren’t continents.”

Caller: “Really?”

Me: “You said North America, South America, Asia, Africa…the ones you’re missing are Europe, Antarctica…”

Caller: *writing this down* “Okay…”

Me: “…and Australia.”

Caller: “Oh yeah! Austria! Okay, thanks so much.”

Makes You Want To Dye A Little

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

Customer: “How much is it to make copies?”

Me: “It’s ten cents a page for black and white and fifty cents a page for color.”

Customer: “You can make color copies?”

Me: “Sure. Just make sure you choose ‘color’ before you start copying.”

(The patron goes to the copy machine, and comes back a few minutes later.)

Customer: “It’s not working. I’m only getting black and white.”

Me: “Okay. Let me see if I can figure out what’s going on.”

(I notice the patron is trying to copy something that is entirely black and white.)

Me: “Oh, I see. To get a color copy, the original does need to be in color.”

Customer: “The machine won’t put the color back in?”

The Devil Revils In The Details

| Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I check out books?”

Me: “Do you have a library card?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: *checks out books* “Okay, you’re all set. These are due back January 15.”

Customer: “But that was 11 months ago!”

Me: “January 15 of 2010, ma’am.”

Customer: “What if I return them NEXT January 15?”

Me: “Then you would owe $365 in overdue fines, ma’am.”

Customer: “But it would still be January 15!”

Urine Way Over Your Head, Part 3

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Uncategorized

(I am working at the library reference desk. A teen patron approaches.)

Me: “Hi! What can I help you with?”

Customer: *looking away and fiddling with his hair* “Um…do you smoke pot?”

Me: “Uh…no.”

Customer: “See…there’s, like, this test right? And I’m not gonna be able to pass it, so can I like…um…buy your pee?”

Me: “No. That’s not a service we provide here.”

Customer: *slouches off*

Urine Way Over Your Head, Part 2
Urine Way Over Your Head

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