I work in the history center of my library. My supervisor is usually involved with big projects, so another librarian and I take care of the day-to-day stuff, including dealing with patrons who don’t understand that we aren’t magic.
Most people, when they realize they are asking for impossibilities, laugh at themselves and apologize.
NOT THIS GUY.
He seemed perfectly intelligent and sane. He was trying to find the grave of an ancestor in one of the local cemeteries. We do have a number of graveyard listings and locations of the older graves. However, the cemetery he was citing had only given us a partial chart because their offices had a fire years ago and a large chunk of their indexes were burned years before they made up their charts.
He told us the cemetery didn’t have the listings he needed, but he was confident that we would have them. I explained that we had the listings that weren’t burned but that was it. Whatever burned back in 1888 is not available to anyone.
Patron: “Well, how am I supposed to find my ancestor’s grave?”
Me: “Unfortunately, you’ll have to go to that section and walk up and down the aisles until you find [Ancestor].”
Patron: “I don’t want to do that. I want to be able to go right to it.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have the listings for that area, sir. They are gone. They were destroyed in the fire.”
Patron: “Why didn’t you get them before they were burned?”
Really?
Me: “Because this department and the locator project did not exist before a few years ago.”
The patron started pulling out random genealogy books which weren’t going to have what he wanted, either.
Patron: “Well, how can I get the location?”
Me: “As I said, sir, the only way to find the grave is to literally go to the cemetery and… find the grave.”
The patron went through some reverse phone books from way back in the day — the 1880s through the early 1920s — and then brought over one of the later directories.
Patron: “I need to call this number.”
He was pointing to a phone number in one of the 1910 directories. It was for a funeral parlor and coffin manufacturer that no longer existed.
Me: “Sir, that business no longer exists.”
Patron: “But they would know where [Ancestor] was buried.”
Me: “I have no doubt, but the place hasn’t existed for thirty years. It’s a nursing home now.”
Patron: “They wouldn’t have kept the records of the funeral parlor?”
Me: “No, sir. They wouldn’t because they are a nursing home now and they need the space for their own records.”
He harrumphed off. Not too much time passed before he was back, this time with another ancient telephone listing.
Patron: “I want you to call this number and ask for his boss.”
The listing was for his ancestor’s job. It was a famous business and it was one of the things that drew in ghost hunters among others, but the business was closed and the family that ran it was gone. I mean, all of them were dead.
Me: “Sir, that phone number does not currently exist in that four-digit form.”
Patron: “Well, call the current number and get [Ancestor]’s boss on the line. He might know the location of the grave.”
Me: “Sir, this number is from 1910. Your ancestor’s boss is also dead.”
Patron: “Well, ask his son, then.”
Me: “Sir, the business shut down thirty years ago. Everyone connected with the business is dead. There is no one to call. Even if there were, why would they have a record of your ancestor’s gravesite location?”
Patron: “They kept track of everything in those days.”
We went around and around on this for an hour. He was very polite and amazingly calm during the exchange, while I began to experience an outbreak of sweat and impatience.
I finally went to my supervising colleague and asked if she could talk to him. She said, “Is HE back again? I’ve been through this with him twice, and the only way to find the graves in that quarter of the cemetery is to go through the aisles looking at the stones. There IS no other way.”
She went out to tell him this AGAIN. Meanwhile, our other colleague said she had had to explain it to him at least once. It seemed like he could understand anything else, but this was one area of obsession that he refused to understand.
