July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Makes You Want To Dye A Little

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

Customer: “How much is it to make copies?”

Me: “It’s ten cents a page for black and white and fifty cents a page for color.”

Customer: “You can make color copies?”

Me: “Sure. Just make sure you choose ‘color’ before you start copying.”

(The patron goes to the copy machine, and comes back a few minutes later.)

Customer: “It’s not working. I’m only getting black and white.”

Me: “Okay. Let me see if I can figure out what’s going on.”

(I notice the patron is trying to copy something that is entirely black and white.)

Me: “Oh, I see. To get a color copy, the original does need to be in color.”

Customer: “The machine won’t put the color back in?”

The Devil Revils In The Details

| Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I check out books?”

Me: “Do you have a library card?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: *checks out books* “Okay, you’re all set. These are due back January 15.”

Customer: “But that was 11 months ago!”

Me: “January 15 of 2010, ma’am.”

Customer: “What if I return them NEXT January 15?”

Me: “Then you would owe $365 in overdue fines, ma’am.”

Customer: “But it would still be January 15!”

Urine Way Over Your Head, Part 3

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Uncategorized

(I am working at the library reference desk. A teen patron approaches.)

Me: “Hi! What can I help you with?”

Customer: *looking away and fiddling with his hair* “Um…do you smoke pot?”

Me: “Uh…no.”

Customer: “See…there’s, like, this test right? And I’m not gonna be able to pass it, so can I like…um…buy your pee?”

Me: “No. That’s not a service we provide here.”

Customer: *slouches off*

Related:
Urine Way Over Your Head, Part 2
Urine Way Over Your Head

Neither A Lounge Recliner Nor A Borrower Be

| Rugby, UK | Top

(I’m on the reference desk on the main floor of our library, when a smartly dressed middle aged woman comes to ask me a question.)

Patron: “Hello, do you only lend books here?”

Me: “No, we also have DVDs, CDs, books on tape, and there are newspapers and magazines but we don’t loan those. Can I help you find something?”

Patron: “There’s a lot of furniture in here.”

Me: “Yes, I suppose there is.”

Patron: “I’d like to borrow a table, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t loan the furniture to people.”

Patron: “It’s for my mother. She’s coming over from Germany next week and she’s a very fussy eater so we need a bigger table. How long can I borrow it for?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t lend out furnishings. If you’d like, I can find you the number for a company that rents them out. Would that help?”

Patron: “I’m not paying any money! That’s the whole point on lending things. Will one of your staff help me carry it home?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry, but we don’t lend out furniture under any circumstances.”

Patron: “But she’s coming from Germany.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid we can’t lend you a table, but there’s a local company that rents out furniture for parties and–”

Patron: “NO! Table! Now! You just want to keep them for yourselves!”

A Sudden Change Of Heart

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

Customer:: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes, how can I help?”

Customer:: “I was wondering if you had a staff exit I could use.”

Me: “The main exit is just there.” *points at front doors.*

Customer:: “No, I can’t go through your security gates.”

Me: “Why not?”

Customer:: “I have a pacemaker. Walking through those gates will kill me!”

Me: “But you came in through the gates.”

Customer:: “Well, yes, but I didn’t know they were there when I came in!”

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