Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,779 thumbs up)
  • Much Ado About Nothing

    | Iowa, USA |

    Library patron: “How much is this book?”

    Me: “Well, according to the price on the back it looks like it costs about $27.00. However, the actual price may vary depending on where you buy it.”

    Library patron: “Wow, that is a lot of money.”

    Me: “Yea, kind of.”

    Library patron: “Okay, well…I’ll take it,”

    Me: “Okay, I will need your library card and I can check it out to you.”

    Library patron: “Oh, I want to write a check.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t sell books here. This is a library, so you borrow them.”

    Library patron: “So you are not going to sell me this book?”

    Me: “No, but I will gladly let you check it out if you have a library card.”

    Library patron: “What kind of store is this?”

    Me: “It isn’t a store…it’s a library.”

    Library patron: “So you really won’t sell me this book?”

    Me: “No, I cannot sell you that book.”

    Library patron: “Fine! I’ll take my money elsewhere!”

    Me: “Nice doing business with you!”

    An Offering To The Literary Gods

    | Melbourne, Australia | Top

    (I’m sitting at the reference desk when a lady walks in with a beautiful bouquet in one hand, a bag full of freshly-baked loaves of bread in the other, and a ferocious scowl on her face. She comes to the desk and slams down the flowers.)

    Lady: *growls* “Flowers for librarians!”

    (She slams down the bread, then growls again.)

    Lady: “Bread for librarians!”

    (She then puts both hands on the desk and leans forward.)

    Lady: *snarling* “Now find me a book!”

    May Contain Scenes Of Gratuitous Bowie

    | London, UK |

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for this movie for my daughter: Pan’s Labyrinth. I heard it was very good.”

    Me: “Yes, it was very good.”

    Customer: “Do you think the girls would like it?”

    Me: “I don’t know, how old are they?”

    Customer: “Nine.”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, Pan’s Labyrinth isn’t really a kids movie. It’s about the Spanish Civil War.”

    Customer: “The what?”

    Me: “The Spanish Civil War. General Franco. There’s a scene where a man gets his face beaten in.”

    Customer: “But in the previews it looks like a kid’s movie, like that other movie with puppets.”

    Me: “Do you mean Labyrinth?”

    Customer:“Yes!”

    Me: “That may be a better choice, trust me.”

    Customer: *leaves*

    Coworker: “I don’t know if David Bowie’s giant crotch is really safe for kids either…”

    The Internet: Damaging Self-Esteem, One User At A Time

    | Winona, MN, USA |

    Patron: “I was trying to go to a website, and a message popped up that said, ‘This website may be trying to harm your computer. Do you want
    to continue?’”

    Me: “That’s just a warning message. If you know the website, you can just click ‘OK’.”

    Patron: “Yes, I know the website. My friend made it. I don’t think that message is very nice.”

    Me: “I assure you it’s nothing personal. That message just appears on websites the computer doesn’t recognize.”

    Patron: “Well, it’s not nice. That message scared me about my own friend’s website. Do you know somebody you can talk to about that?”

    Me: “The system’s warning message?”

    Patron: “Yes.”

    Me: “Of course. I’ll send them an e-mail about it right now.”

    (I pretend to type on my laptop until she leaves.)

    At Least He Can Tell Time

    | Ithaca, NY, USA |

    College student: “Do you have any stamps?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. This is a library.”

    College student: “But I need to buy some stamps.”

    Me: “I can’t help you. We don’t sell stamps in the library. You should try the post office in [college building] tomorrow.”

    College student: “But I need the stamps now. Can’t I just have some stamps?”

    Me: “Listen, libraries don’t sell stamps. The post office will sell you stamps tomorrow morning when it opens. But right now, in this building, I can not sell you stamps.”

    College student: “So you’ll sell me stamps tomorrow?”

    Me: “Listen, you can’t even mail anything on a Sunday evening. Why don’t you come back later?”

    (Not surprisingly, he came back at 8 the next morning demanding stamps.)

    Page 27/32First...2526272829...Last