Extremely Dis-concert-ing

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [Library]. How my I be of assistance?”

Caller: “Yeah, my son said he wanted to check out some CDs. Do you guys have CDs?”

Me: “Of course. Can you tell me what type of CD he’s looking for?”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I mean is he looking for audio books, computer games, music?”

Caller: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “I’m sorry, let me be more clear. Did he want–”

Caller: “No, I mean I don’t understand what you said before.”

Me: “I was just asking if you knew what type of CD he was looking for. Like audio books, or music, or–”

Caller: “Wait, what’s that?”

Me: “What’s what?”

Caller: “That thing you just said.”

Me: “What, music?”

Caller: “Yeah, what’s that?”

Likely To Cause IRE (Ironic Resourceful Ethics)

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am working near a copy station, and a woman comes up with a large stack of papers.)

Customer: “Do you have any zip ties to bind this with?”

Me: “Sure, here.”

(As she binds the papers, I see the word “Ethics” on the first page.)

Me: “Oh, is this for an Ethics class?”

Customer: “Yes! I didn’t want to pay for the book, so I photocopied it. Do you think the professor is going to like how resourceful I am?”

Me: “I’m sure you’ll have a very lively discussion about it.”

Caught Calling The Kettle Black

| Australia | Uncategorized

(Note: ‘Where The Wild Things Are’ has just been released at the cinema. When movies come out, the book usually sky rockets in popularity.)

Me: “Good morning, how can I help you today?”

Patron: “Hi, I was wondering if you have a copy of Where The Wild Things Are?”

Me: “I’m sure we do, but I have to warn you that since it has just come out at the movies, there will probably be a waiting list.”

(I look up the book, and sure enough there are 12 reservations)

Me: “I’m sorry, there are currently 12 reservations in place. I can put you down for a reservation but you probably won’t get it for another 4-6 months.”

Patron: “What? That’s ridiculous! It’s such an old book. Why are people suddenly interested?”

Me: “Well, when a movie is made out of a book, people are suddenly interested in reading the book.”

Patron: “That’s stupid. I don’t see why they should want to read it just because the movie has come out.”

Me: “Why did you want to read it?”

Patron: “Because the movie has just come out!”

Reading Empty Minds

| West Midlands, UK | Top

(Our library helps a lot of people finish off the crossword puzzles from their newspapers. I’d helped one man find the answer to a very difficult one earlier in the day. I overhear a lady asking her about the same crossword to my colleague.

Me: “Excuse me, the answer is ‘Salome’.”

Colleague: “Thanks, that fits perfectly.”

Customer: “But…no, how can she know? She wasn’t even here!”

Me “I overheard you from-”

Customer: “No! You read my mind didn’t you! That’s wonderful, do it again! What am I thinking about now?”

(She looks around the library. I notice her eyes linger on a Superman poster.)

Me: “Um…Superman?”

Customer: “F***!”

Colleague: “Ma’am, please don’t curse in the library.”

Customer:: “Oh, sorry.” *to me* “Did you hear me swear in my thoughts? Is that how you knew?”

Me: “No, you just shouted it.”

Customer: “Oh. That’s a shame.”

Geographically Incontinent

| Maryland, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Public library, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I have kind of a dumb question.”

Me: “Oh, well, what’s your question?”

Caller: “I need to know what the seven continents are.”

Me: “Oh, that’s not a dumb question. Why don’t you tell me which ones you know and I’ll tell you which ones you’re missing.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks. Let’s see…North America, South America, Asia, Africa, France, Italy…”

Me: “Whoa, hold up. France and Italy aren’t continents.”

Caller: “Really?”

Me: “You said North America, South America, Asia, Africa…the ones you’re missing are Europe, Antarctica…”

Caller: *writing this down* “Okay…”

Me: “…and Australia.”

Caller: “Oh yeah! Austria! Okay, thanks so much.”

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