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    Reading Empty Minds

    | West Midlands, UK | Top

    (Our library helps a lot of people finish off the crossword puzzles from their newspapers. I’d helped one man find the answer to a very difficult one earlier in the day. I overhear a lady asking her about the same crossword to my colleague.

    Me: “Excuse me, the answer is ‘Salome’.”

    Colleague: “Thanks, that fits perfectly.”

    Customer: “But…no, how can she know? She wasn’t even here!”

    Me “I overheard you from-”

    Customer: “No! You read my mind didn’t you! That’s wonderful, do it again! What am I thinking about now?”

    (She looks around the library. I notice her eyes linger on a Superman poster.)

    Me: “Um…Superman?”

    Customer: “F***!”

    Colleague: “Ma’am, please don’t curse in the library.”

    Customer:: “Oh, sorry.” *to me* “Did you hear me swear in my thoughts? Is that how you knew?”

    Me: “No, you just shouted it.”

    Customer: “Oh. That’s a shame.”

    Geographically Incontinent

    | Maryland, USA |

    Me: “Public library, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I have kind of a dumb question.”

    Me: “Oh, well, what’s your question?”

    Caller: “I need to know what the seven continents are.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s not a dumb question. Why don’t you tell me which ones you know and I’ll tell you which ones you’re missing.”

    Caller: “Okay, thanks. Let’s see…North America, South America, Asia, Africa, France, Italy…”

    Me: “Whoa, hold up. France and Italy aren’t continents.”

    Caller: “Really?”

    Me: “You said North America, South America, Asia, Africa…the ones you’re missing are Europe, Antarctica…”

    Caller: *writing this down* “Okay…”

    Me: “…and Australia.”

    Caller: “Oh yeah! Austria! Okay, thanks so much.”

    Makes You Want To Dye A Little

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    Customer: “How much is it to make copies?”

    Me: “It’s ten cents a page for black and white and fifty cents a page for color.”

    Customer: “You can make color copies?”

    Me: “Sure. Just make sure you choose ‘color’ before you start copying.”

    (The patron goes to the copy machine, and comes back a few minutes later.)

    Customer: “It’s not working. I’m only getting black and white.”

    Me: “Okay. Let me see if I can figure out what’s going on.”

    (I notice the patron is trying to copy something that is entirely black and white.)

    Me: “Oh, I see. To get a color copy, the original does need to be in color.”

    Customer: “The machine won’t put the color back in?”

    The Devil Revils In The Details

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    Customer: “Can I check out books?”

    Me: “Do you have a library card?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: *checks out books* “Okay, you’re all set. These are due back January 15.”

    Customer: “But that was 11 months ago!”

    Me: “January 15 of 2010, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What if I return them NEXT January 15?”

    Me: “Then you would owe $365 in overdue fines, ma’am.”

    Customer: “But it would still be January 15!”

    Urine Way Over Your Head, Part 3

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    (I am working at the library reference desk. A teen patron approaches.)

    Me: “Hi! What can I help you with?”

    Customer: *looking away and fiddling with his hair* “Um…do you smoke pot?”

    Me: “Uh…no.”

    Customer: “See…there’s, like, this test right? And I’m not gonna be able to pass it, so can I like…um…buy your pee?”

    Me: “No. That’s not a service we provide here.”

    Customer: *slouches off*

    Related:
    Urine Way Over Your Head, Part 2
    Urine Way Over Your Head

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