Cutting Remarks

| Greenville, SC, USA | Uncategorized

Student: “I need to write a five-paragraph essay for my English class. Can you help me find some books?”

Me: “Okay, what’s your topic?”

Student: “I thought I’d write it about Jesus.”

Me: “Maybe you could narrow it down? Why don’t you choose a Bible verse that inspires you and write about that?”

Student: “Thanks! You’re so sweet! If I cut you, you’d bleed syrup.”

Me: “I…thank you?”

A Library With A Likely Story

| USA | Top

(I find a wallet with the owner’s ID from middle school.)

Me: *over the all-call speakers* “[Name], please come up to the front desk for your missing wallet. [Name], please come up to the front desk.”

(An adult comes up to the front desk.)

Adult: “Hi, I’m [name].”

Me: “I’m sorry, but according to this ID, she’s still in middle school.”

Adult: “Oh, I’m, um, her sister.”

Me: “With the same name?”

Adult: “Yeah, my mom was a little weird. Can I have her wallet now?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’d like to see your sister and put this is in her possession.”

Adult:”What!? What do you think I’m going to do, steal my sister’s money or something? Just give me the d*** wallet!”

(A girl comes over.)

Girl: “Hi, I’m [Name].”

Adult: “Sis! Where were you? It’s been 10 minutes. I tried to give the wallet to you to save time, but this stupid woman thinks I’m not your sister!”

Girl: “Who are you?”

Sharing One’s Loss, Part 2

| ON, Canada | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

Caller: “I saw on my online account that this book I have out is lost.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “But it’s not lost, it’s right next to me. I can see it!”

Related:
Sharing One’s Loss

Parental Misguidance

| Birmingham, AL, USA | Family & Kids, School, Uncategorized

(Parents often call to make sure their children are where they are supposed to be or are going to be ready when they come to pick them up.)

Me: “Computer lab, this is [name].”

Mother: “Hi, I am looking for my son. I think he’s up there using your computers.”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me what he looks like?”

Mother: “Well, he’s got medium skin, he’s kind of heavy, and he looks a little slow.”

They’re In A Galaxy Far, Far Away

| New Zealand | Books & Reading, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, miss, can I help you?”

Patron: “Yeah, I’ve been searching these shelves for about ten minutes and I can’t find any books on this one guy.”

Me: “Who are you looking for books on?”

Patron: “Oh, I think he’s quite famous! Wait, I know his name.”

Me: “Well, what did he do?”

Patron: “Something to do with the army…”

(The patron pauses for a bit before realizing.)

Patron: “Oh! Darth Vader!”

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