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    This Thief Is Booked

    | Bloomington, IN, USA |

    Customer: “Hey, I have an overdue charge on this book. Can I get it removed?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but if you kept the book past the due date, then I can’t remove the charge.”

    Customer: “Then can I just keep the book?”

    No Pranks, Just Thanks

    | Eugene, OR, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I am shelving DVDs in a library when a man comes in with a boy who appears to be autistic. The boy sees a movie about Thanksgiving.)

    Boy: “Thanksgiving! I love Thanksgiving! I’m thankful… I’m thankful for… I’m thankful for my friends at school!”

    Caretaker: “You’re thankful for your friends at school?”

    Boy: “Yeah! Yeah and… and… what are you thankful for? Are you thankful for your friends?”

    Caretaker: *no response*

    Boy: “Are you thankful for me?”

    Caretaker: “I’m thankful for you, kid. I’m more thankful for you than all my friends in the world.”

    Boy: *smiles*

    Extremely Dis-concert-ing

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Library]. How my I be of assistance?”

    Caller: “Yeah, my son said he wanted to check out some CDs. Do you guys have CDs?”

    Me: “Of course. Can you tell me what type of CD he’s looking for?”

    Caller: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “I mean is he looking for audio books, computer games, music?”

    Caller: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, let me be more clear. Did he want–”

    Caller: “No, I mean I don’t understand what you said before.”

    Me: “I was just asking if you knew what type of CD he was looking for. Like audio books, or music, or–”

    Caller: “Wait, what’s that?”

    Me: “What’s what?”

    Caller: “That thing you just said.”

    Me: “What, music?”

    Caller: “Yeah, what’s that?”

    Likely To Cause IRE (Ironic Resourceful Ethics)

    | New Orleans, LA, USA |

    (I am working near a copy station, and a woman comes up with a large stack of papers.)

    Customer: “Do you have any zip ties to bind this with?”

    Me: “Sure, here.”

    (As she binds the papers, I see the word “Ethics” on the first page.)

    Me: “Oh, is this for an Ethics class?”

    Customer: “Yes! I didn’t want to pay for the book, so I photocopied it. Do you think the professor is going to like how resourceful I am?”

    Me: “I’m sure you’ll have a very lively discussion about it.”

    Caught Calling The Kettle Black

    | Australia |

    (Note: ‘Where The Wild Things Are’ has just been released at the cinema. When movies come out, the book usually sky rockets in popularity.)

    Me: “Good morning, how can I help you today?”

    Patron: “Hi, I was wondering if you have a copy of Where The Wild Things Are?”

    Me: “I’m sure we do, but I have to warn you that since it has just come out at the movies, there will probably be a waiting list.”

    (I look up the book, and sure enough there are 12 reservations)

    Me: “I’m sorry, there are currently 12 reservations in place. I can put you down for a reservation but you probably won’t get it for another 4-6 months.”

    Patron: “What? That’s ridiculous! It’s such an old book. Why are people suddenly interested?”

    Me: “Well, when a movie is made out of a book, people are suddenly interested in reading the book.”

    Patron: “That’s stupid. I don’t see why they should want to read it just because the movie has come out.”

    Me: “Why did you want to read it?”

    Patron: “Because the movie has just come out!”

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