Parental Misguidance

| Birmingham, AL, USA | Family & Kids, School, Uncategorized

(Parents often call to make sure their children are where they are supposed to be or are going to be ready when they come to pick them up.)

Me: “Computer lab, this is [name].”

Mother: “Hi, I am looking for my son. I think he’s up there using your computers.”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me what he looks like?”

Mother: “Well, he’s got medium skin, he’s kind of heavy, and he looks a little slow.”

They’re In A Galaxy Far, Far Away

| New Zealand | Books & Reading, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, miss, can I help you?”

Patron: “Yeah, I’ve been searching these shelves for about ten minutes and I can’t find any books on this one guy.”

Me: “Who are you looking for books on?”

Patron: “Oh, I think he’s quite famous! Wait, I know his name.”

Me: “Well, what did he do?”

Patron: “Something to do with the army…”

(The patron pauses for a bit before realizing.)

Patron: “Oh! Darth Vader!”

Thick Accents, Thicker Heads

| New Zealand | Books & Reading, Movies & TV, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

(A teenage girl enters the library.)

Me: “Hi, do you need help?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “Okay. Are you a member of this library or any other Wellington library?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I’m here with my mother for the US summer ’cause I live with Dad in Florida.”

Me: “We can sign you up to the library for free and issue you a card. The card will cost two dollars.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “So, what book were you looking for?”

Customer: “Twilight. Have you heard of it? Most people in America have read it, but I’m not sure if it’s here.”

Me: “Oh, yeah. It was quite big for a while. My sister loved it.”

Customer: “It’s my second favorite book ever, after Eclipse.”

Me: “Oh, did you leave your copy in America?”

Customer: “No, I just wanted a copy from here because everyone here has really funny accents  and I wanted to know how that would change the story.”

Library Staff Are Very Amen-able

| Tennessee, USA | Books & Reading, Religion, Uncategorized

Customer: *handing me a book* “Is this the Koran?”

Me: “No sir, this appears to be a book about Ojibwe singers.”

Customer: “The lady said it would be on aisle 6B.”

Me: “It is, but the Koran’s call number is 297. This book is listed under 264.”

*blank stare*

Me: “Let me try to help you find it.”

(Walking to aisle 6B, I notice that the book he grabbed is the first book on the aisle, at eye level.)

Me: “Sir, did you just walk to aisle 6B and grab the first book you saw?”

Customer: “I couldn’t find it, so…yes.”

(He then find’s another book on the shelf.)

Customer: “Oh here it is! Would this be the best one?”

(The patron has picked up ‘The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Koran’.)

Suffering From A-Salt

| Alabama, USA | Books & Reading, Health & Body, Top

(I’m the director of our small-town library. One of my summer volunteers is a 16 year old girl who is a diabetic. She works the lunch shift, and I allow her to eat her lunch at the checkout counter.)

Patron: *to the volunteer* “Hey, can you tell me if you have this book?” *hands over a sheet of paper*

Volunteer: *putting fork down* “Yes. It’s over here. I’ll go get it for you.”

(She walks away. I notice the lady at the desk sniffing the air. She looks around, clearly sees me staring at her, and proceeds to take a large bite of my volunteer’s food. She obviously doesn’t like it, and takes a large container of something out of her purse and dumps it all over the food. She takes another bite, and looks satisfied.)

Volunteer: *coming back* “Here’s your…wait. Why are you eating my lunch?”

Patron: “It was a free sample. And I must say, whoever made it is a terrible cook. It’s very tasteless. I have to put my entire container of salt on this to make it edible!”

Volunteer: “That was my lunch. I’m a diabetic, so of course it wouldn’t taste very good!”

Me: “Ma’am, you just ate her lunch. Why?”

(As I am talking the volunteer scribbles something on a piece of paper and hands it to me. It says, ‘Ignore what I’m about to do’. She then falls to the ground shaking and convulsing.)

Patron: “Oh s***!” *runs out of the library*

Volunteer: “I learned how to do that to get my brothers in trouble.”

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